You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch

I confess I have never actually watched a full episode of CBS's 60 Minutes. After all, I'm approximately 83 years too young for the demographic it reaches, but be that as it may, I have been sampling the tail end of the show.

And the tail end smells like, well, a tail end. Andy Rooney fills the final three minutes of each episode with a commentary on whatever the hell he feels like lecturing about. After a few such commentaries, I have deduced Andy Rooney is a bitter, mean, nasty man. I'm sure he's a legend in the broadcasting world, but I have to believe he's more memorable by his inexplicable longevity than by any actual contribution to 60 Minutes.

Let me back up. I don't understand complaining at great length about television shows. If it's so bad, why not just change the channel? Why prolong the agony and view the program long enough to the point you have enough material to fill a blog entry with it?

In this case, though, I am innocent. I don't want to watch 60 Minutes, and I especially do not want to ever see Andy Rooney's corpse on my television again. However, I am a bit fanatical about the show following 60 Minutes, The Amazing Race. Due to CBS's extensive sports coverage - football in the winter and NCAA basketball in the spring - the Sunday night prime time line-up gets shifted all over the place. 8pm CDT should bring The Amazing Race, but it has brought a big smelly heap of Andy Rooney instead.

This past Sunday night, he lamented in his rambling, incoherent three minute commentary that New York had the worst kind of winter. It was cold and then mild but never enough snow. And that's a shame because the kids like the snow. Furthermore, when there was snow, New York City attached snow plows to the garbage trucks, leading to a day delay in picking up garbage. He continued babbling about how the weather man is always wrong and that he's only gotten to use his $750 snow blower twice as a result. Right, as if Andy Rooney shovels snow. Whatever, Andy.

In all it was a whiny, bitter old man rant about nothing. Maybe other 120 year olds who watch the show can relate and find this segment of the program enlightening, but I'm left baffled as to how he maintains a place on 60 Minutes. He contributes absolutely nothing worthwhile except pure meanness. His commentary just before Christmas proved that.

Due to the NFL's games running long in December, I was subjected to my very first Amazing Race delay and subsequent Rooney commentary. At the end of his commentary I was left stunned, mouth agape wondering how this man was considered a legend in any way shape or form.

The subject of this particular discourse was Christmas presents people sent to Mr. Rooney. He listed a few and then stopped to say, "What am I going to do with this junk?" The "junk" he referred to consisted of one man writing his first ever novel, which he presented to Rooney as a gift. Other presents included old people, presumably his audience, offering what were definitely heartfelt gifts. Rooney turned around and took a big ol' crapper on all these people's cookies (unhealthy), cards (too many to read), and flowers (perishable). The whole piece was horribly offensive and anti-gift giving during the most generous time of the year.

So, I ask dear readers, does anyone have anything positive to say about Andy Rooney? I realize I have a tiny sample of his life's work, but I have to believe that what good he could have offered at any point is being undone rapidly by the filth flowing forth from his face. Boo to you Rooney. Boo.