Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Simply Wonderful

(Suggested audio listening during reading this post, "Wonderful" by Everclear.)

Someone stop me if I'm wrong, but is there anything wrong with the 7 Wonders of the World? Are they no longer wondrous?

Someone felt that the ancient 7 Wonders of the World were in need of updating and an on-line vote was conducted with new 7 wonders of the world emerging. Residents of these nearby new wonders cheered while residents of the old wonders groaned. I find myself in the latter category.

The Greeks, Babylonians, and Egyptians worked hard for their designation, and I vehemently disagree with this new seven wonders (lower case, mind you) revelation. A little head-to-head comparison, if you will, with the reigning champions, the Ancient 7 Wonders of the World taking the lead billing.

Lighthouse of Alexandria vs. Petra

Indiana Jones discovered Petra, but he hasn't touched the Lighthouse of Alexandria. If Jones cannot conquer the ruins of the Lighthouse of Alexandria, it must be more powerful. (Note: With a new Indiana Jones movie on the way, the jury may still be out on this "wonder battle.")

Colossus of Rhodes vs. Colosseum

The Colossus battles the Colosseum! I know for a fact that Steven P. Rhodes would not stand for this comparison and as such, I give the advantage to the Colossus of Rhodes.

Mausoleum of Maussollos at Halicarnassus vs. Chichen Itza

Oh, like some chicken dish stands a chance against the massive Mausoleum of Maussollos at Halicarnassus. In fact, that name itself is a wonder that anyone can pronounce it.

Statue of Zeus at Olympia vs. Great Wall of China

Zeus laughs at your pithy wall and skips over it daily. Plus, China ships unsafe products. Zeus hates that.

Temple of Artemis at Ephesus vs. Christ the Redeemer (statue)

In a rare moment of victory, the new 7 wonders come out on top. Jesus so totally rocks Artemis' world.

Hanging Gardens of Babylon vs. Machu Picchu

Nebuchadnezzar gently hangs his flower baskets throughout the lost city of Machu Picchu. It is the relatively unknown gentle touch of the Babylonian king that made the gardens special, not the wild, untamed jungles that overwhelmed a city. Advantage Hanging Gardens.

Great Pyramid of Giza vs. Taj Mahal

Not even close. The Pyramid is such a massive wonder that it was granted honorary status on this new list of the 7 wonders. The Pyramid kicks everyone's behind times ten.

Photo from


JR said...

I thought Macchu Pichu was a Pokemon character.

Also, no American wonders? I'm surprised Steinbrenner didn't pay off a bunch of people to vote for Yankee Stadium.

CHCgirl said...

I know the Statue of Liberty was on the list to vote for an American wonder, but consistently was the lowest vote getter. I don't think there even were any other American candidates. That said, I don't think Americans care about international "wonder" status.

lonewolf said...

Does no one have a comment about Everclear?

JR said...

Everclear hit their stride in the mid-1990s with such classics as "Santa Monica (Watch the World Die)" and "You Make Me Feel Like A Whore," centering their lyrics on the tormented childhood of lead singer Art Alexakis, experiences that included drugs and abusive/absent parents.

When the post-grunge flannel was shucked in favor of a more toned down approach, Everclear lost much of their fan base and became seen by the at-large rock and roll community as redundant harbingers of the same message. Songs like "Father of Mine" and "I Will Buy You a New Life" retained commercial appeal and fared modestly on pop charts, but the band's edge as a street-smart alternative act quickly faded.

The band remains together, though their profile has significantly weakened.

lonewolf said...