Happy Easter

At daybreak on the first day of the week the women who had come from Galilee with Jesus took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb; but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were puzzling over this, behold, two men in dazzling garments appeared to them. They were terrified and bowed their faces to the ground.

They said to them, "Why do you seek the living one among the dead? He is not here, but he has been raised. Remember what he said to you while he was still in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be handed over to sinners and be crucified, and rise on the third day."

And they remembered his words. Then they returned from the tomb and announced all these things to the eleven and to all the others. The women were Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James; the others who accompanied them also told this to the apostles, but their story seemed like nonsense and they did not believe them.

But Peter got up and ran to the tomb, bent down, and saw the burial cloths alone; then he went home amazed at what had happened.

Luke 24:1-12

A silky smooth laundry thief

A fantastic light-hearted story that I enjoy bringing to light as part of the "imbalance of intelligence" moniker.

Pullman, Washington police have had their hands full after breaking a theft ring led, operated, and executed by a single man. Garth M. Flaherty has been a busy individual. He's been busy swiping underwear. Yes, underwear.

According to the officials, Flaherty stole as many as 1,500 panties and bras from apartment laundry rooms since last summer.

That's an insane amount of women's underwear. But they break it down even more.

[Officials] say the evidence fills five garbage bags weighing 93 pounds.
93 pounds! This man was serious about his ladies' undergarments.

Chris Tennant [of the police] said many times people think of the traditional college panty raid. "That's really not what we're talking about here."

Perhaps my college experience at Valpo was not complete as I never participated in said "traditional college panty raid." I would imagine that 5 trash bags filled over several months would move it beyond the college prank level. That and the thief was not in college. But the important thing is that the stolen goods can be returned to their owners, right?

As for the bras and panties retrieved in Pullman, they will be held as evidence until after the case is complete. After that, it's unclear what Police will do with them, Tennant said. "Would you really want them back?" he asked.

No, I suppose not.

He faces 12 felony second-degree burglary charges and one first-degree burglary charge.

Not to mention a stolen crocodile.

Finally, The Office

That this blog has little to no focus is no secret. I've skipped from personal experiences to oddball news stories to sports events. It's still a work in progress, and it's a slice of what interests and bothers me on a regular basis, which I guess in it's truest form is what a blog is supposed to be. With that said, it is sort of amazing that something I'm so passionate about has made just one blog appearance in the form of a hat in paradise.

Tonight, The Office returns with original programming for the first time in what I believe is 9 months. The greatest show on Earth returns, finally.

The NBC has put forth feeble attempts to quench the thirst of The Office fanatical. A few weeks back they threw in a couple deleted scenes into previously aired episodes. That was fine, but nothing that altered any story lines or offered any profound insight. Certainly in a show as good as The Office their deleted scenes are better than most regular programming, but a few thirty second snippets aren't going to satisfy.

Last week, the network gimmick was a marathon of episodes hosted by Toby, one of the show's characters. By "hosting" we really mean he sits in character and offers funny (but not "Office funny") thoughts about life in Scranton, PA. Again, no truly new material and nothing that couldn't be missed.

But tonight, we have a brand new show. Not only that, it's a one hour brand new show. The last time The Office expanded from 30 minutes to one full hour, viewers were rewarded with probably the best show of the season in A Benihana Christmas. Given another hour with the promotional tease being "don't miss the first 2 and a half minutes," I don't see how this can't be a wonderful, wonderful evening.

Oh wait, yes I do. I will be working and will miss all of this. In fact, I work Friday morning very early to unload our weekly truck marking a fun turn around in which I will get home about 11pm and leave home about 6am the next day. That's seven hours, most of which is usually reserved for sleep but you better believe I'm spending an hour of it to catch up on the best show on TV before hitting the sack.

This isn't something that happens every day

In full disclosure, I care very little for women's basketball outside of my beloved Valparaiso Crusaders. In fact, if not for the masterful job done by their coach Keith Freeman, I probably would not follow any basketball of any kind. The WNBA is not my cup of tea, which is why I find it odd that I feel compelled to say something about the overwhelming achievement last evening.

In the NCAA Championship Game last night, the Tennessee Volunteers under head coach Pat Summit won the national championship by virtue of a 59-46 win over the Rutgers Scarlet Knights. The win gave the Volunteers their seventh title, which is a crazy number of wins. Some had focused on Tennessee "finally" getting over the hump after making five Final Fours since 1998 without coming away with the crown. Geez, five Final Fours in nine years? That seems awfully nit picky to me.

In all, Pat Summit has made it to the title game twelve times. 12. That's two more than John Wooden when he coached UCLA in a time when men's basketball was watered down with a smaller tournament. That's five more than the next closest active college coach (Mike Krzyzewski 7) and seven more than the next closest women's basketball coach ( Geno Auriemma 5, Leon Barmore 5).

While the numbers are clearly outstanding, to take into account the consistently dominating work done by Tennessee is worth mentioning. To make twelve title games, you'd have to have, at minimum, three outstanding recruiting classes. The Florida Gators men's team with their back-to-back victories are leading debates about one of the best college teams ever. Imagine if Billy Donovan maximized the opportunities allotted to him by this class and made the title game every year that Joakim Noah and the goofs were in school, making four title games. Donovan would have to recruit that top tier class two more times, and win his way into the championship game every year of that class's availability. That's unheard of.

I suppose it's something to talk about, but as I listen to Mike and Mike in the Morning, they are debating whether Pat Summit could coach the men's side and bring that level of success and command the respect on the guy's court. I find it hard to get caught up in that discussion not 12 hours removed from what is a remarkable level of success and unprecedented championship caliber play. The dominating performance of a tremendous program and highly successful coach should be story enough.

The Greatest Day in Sports

The happy times of sports are upon us. I spent a good part of my Monday off watching baseball, and it was refreshing to get back to America's pasttime. Some thoughts on day 1 of 162.

-I did happen to see the mayor of Cincinnati throw out the first pitch live to celebrity catcher (and member of the 1990 World Series Champion Reds) Eric Davis. Eric, who by the way looks to be in great shape and could have taken the field, would have been better off staying in his seat as the mayor missed the plate by, and this is no exaggeration, 30 feet. See above. I nearly spit out the special Opening Day chocolate milk I made for myself in a delicious laugh at the poor mayor's expense. It was the worst first pitch in the history of first pitches and truly embarassing for a grown man. He will not win reelection.

-Cubs fans better hope that Alfonso Soriano improves from his first plate appearance. He swung at the first pitch and missed (good lead off hitter). Then he swung and missed again. And finally he hit a dribbler to the pitcher. Not a lot of bang for the buck in at bat number one.

-Matt Murton has a gun out there in left. Woo-wee. I lost count after the eighth hop on a throw somewhat to third base somewhat to home plate.

-So Adam Dunn can hit a ball very far. It looks as if we have another typical Dunn year on our hands: 45 homers with a .200 batting average.

-Gil Meche outpitched Curt Schilling. That makes me smile.

-Also making me smile: Grady Sizemore taking Jose Contreras' second pitch of the season and driving it over the fence.

-Cleveland Indians 12. Chicago White Sox 5. The Indians are in first place in the AL Central and will now likely go wire to wire.

-Fantastic outing from Ben Sheets. Milwaukee fans have to be ecstatic. Now put him back in the bubble and only let him out in four days.

-After everything that has happened, I find it amazing that Carl Pavano, even under the injury filled circumstances that led to it, started Opening Day for the New York Yankees. And he performed just as you would imagine Carl Pavano would.

-Darin Erstad leads the American League in home runs. Didn't think you'd ever see those words put together now did you?

-As for that little college basketball game last evening, I don't know of any game where I've seen a team make more big shots than did Florida. They did not miss and every semblance of a Buckeye comeback quickly was squashed by yet another three point make. Noah may be an ass, but he backed it up and for that I give kudos. Whatever kudos actually are. He can have them.

Zack Morris for President

As is my morning ritual, I awoke to CNN's Robin and Company newscast. I'm not entirely sure why I watch it as, outside of the weather guy, everyone is terrible. I suppose I watch it because the local newscast is inexplicably worse, but I digress.

The first story irritated me right off the bat, which is good in that it wakes me up but bad because, well, it irritates me. Their lead story let us know that Hillary Clinton has already broken records in raising 33 million dollars in 3 months and that John Edwards has amassed 14 million for the respective Presidential campaigns. This is not a commentary about either one of those two candidates but rather a frustrating rant that the process sucks. Call me a purist but I find it crappy that you have to be rich to be in charge of a democracy. Furthermore, I know that the unending campaign commercials and future coverage of these campaigns that this money will fuel is far less noble an expense than putting some of that money towards, say, anything that these candidates stand for such as education or defense or whatever.

So after Robin rubbed me the wrong way, she led into a story about the British sailors being held hostage. Scratch that, President Bush called them hostages which has England crazy saying they aren't hostages. But really they are because they are there against their will, but no one wants to use a word that might rub someone the wrong way.

Seriously? Word usage? The leaders of the world are arguing over their use of the vernacular? Cripes, I thought my job of keeping plastic Easter eggs well stocked was a fairly unimportant task.

Ok, enough of this Robin and Company stuff, let's flip over to the now started Today Show. Matt Lauer as some political/world affair analyst discussing these captive British sailors.

Lauer: "So if Iran wanted to show itself as being a reasonable nation - one willing to deal in diplomacy and not violence then Iran would have already let them go?"

Analyst: "Correct. But they don't work like that. They want something. And they are assholes."

Ok, so I added that last line, but it would have been truthful and more interesting.

That's it, no more national news. I'm acting like a 70 year old watching programming, which I have to believe is a direct product from spending 45+ hours a week with this segment of the population. I know I'm getting old when my answer to most every international issue is "bomb the crap out of them." Time to get back my youth. I'm flipping to TBS.

Some months ago I made a critical discovery. TBS airs two full hours of the classic Save By the Bell program each weekday morning. On days when the news is so frustrating or repetitive, I flip to Zack Morris and the gang to take me through my morning. There's no arguing over word usage or campaign treasure chests. No, this is a world where Zack manages to lose and regain the girl in 22 minutes time. The man led a high school life that included (but is not limited to) being a key member of the basketball team and glee club, founding a rock band, and discovering oil on school property. This morning, he happened to find himself at a beach resort during which time he managed to find a way to wrestle a way the resort owner's daughter from a wealthy Boston frat boy. Oh yes, Zack did this while waiting tables and reconciling the girl and her father. The man is fantastic.

If Zack Morris ran the country, we would all be better off. He is charismatic, charming and a go-getter. In under half an hour, he could solve any critical issue and still have time to woo Kelly Kapowski. Most of all, we'd have a happy ending every time. There would be no hostage crisis. There would be no wasted funds. No, we'd have a 24-7 beach party where everyone is good at volleyball and the biggest issue at hand was Mr. Tuttle's pop quiz.

Happy Opening Day 2007