Look both ways and go anyway

I'm a bit of a sucker for springtime. I never had such a strong feeling for spring before living in Minnesota, but a good 6 months of death tends to make one appreciate the non-black months. Living in the neighborhood that Becky and I do, we have plenty of lakes and ponds to stroll around. About this time, the baby ducklings are hatching and for reasons I cannot fully explain, I could sit and watch them all day long.

While geese are far less attractive, their neon yellow newborn are still equally fascinating to me. Fortunately, Minnesota drivers agree.

Clicking the hyperlink (and if this doesn't work and I've been having trouble with it, click the "Canadian geese bring traffic to a standstill" video link) will take you to a thrilling video involving newborn goslings and Interstate 494. This video offers better drama than anything we are about to experience this cliff hangar TV season.

Someone is going to be sleeping on the couch

A man in Brazi named Brenol made an unwise decision. He decided to put his wife up for sale and used the internet for his platform:

The described his wife physically and listed her qualities as a homemaker and companion. He reportedly said she was 35 and "worth her weight in gold."

If that weren't bad enough, Breno was asking all of $50.

You might be thinking that the two had a fallout and this was some awful idea for revenge. Nay, the reasons were more fiscal in nature.

"I sell my wife for reasons I prefer to keep short ... I really need the money."

Why is everyone picking on Paris?

Paris Hilton is going to jail. She's to spend 45 days behind bars for driving with a suspended license. This, of course, is not the story. The real story are the fun quotes from those involved in the nonsensical circus.

During the prosecutor's closing argument, Paris' mother, Kathy Hilton, felt the need to interject with laughter and then blurted out for no particular reason:

"May I have your autograph?"

Moments before the judge read the verdict, Paris Hilton, who was ten minutes late for her court time, offered this sincere apology:

"I'm very sorry, and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything. I'm sorry, and I did not do it on purpose at all."

Afterwards, Kathy Hilton's mood swung in the opposite direction as shockingly her and her daughter's flippant attitude resulted in a month and a half prison time for Paris:

"This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayer money with all this nonsense. This is a joke."

The prison term is a joke since Paris had already pled no contest to reckless driving after failing a field sobriety test in September, a couple of other traffic tickets, not completing the alcohol education program made mandatory by the first boo boo, and in this most recent incident pleading ignorance to not realizing her license had been revoked. Not to mention the scene her mother caused and the "heartfelt" apology which was condescending to everyone involved in the legal system. Paris is lucky she didn't get a harsher sentence. Like say having to take a civics class.

Influential People

Influence: the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others

Time Magazine publishes an annual list of the top influential people in the world. It's a fascinating exercise simply because of the total and complete ambiguity editors use in defining "influential." I would venture to argue that Grady Sizemore is a very influential Cleveland Indian (in fact winning the game last night with an RBI double) yet he did not make the list.

Other individuals like the chap who jumped in front of a subway train to save another man's life did make Time's 100. I don't know that that incident makes him influential in any sphere of life except for the man's whom he saved, hence the ambiguous "influence."

The big news on the list is not so much who is on it, but who isn't. The magazine neglected George W. Bush. The President of the United States missed the cut. Whether you like him, hate him, or are apathetic towards him, there is absolutely no one who is more influential in the world today. No one. Not even Sacha Baron Cohen.

Yes, Borat made the list. Tina Fey is there too. Heck, John Mayer made the list. But not the President.

Tony Dungy (but not Petyon Manning) made the list. Roger Federer - tennis player - is present.

Freaking Chien-Ming Wang is one of Time Magazine's Top 100 Most Influential People. Yes, New York Yankees pitcher Chien-Ming Wang is more influential than George W. Bush.

This is an asinine comparison, which is doing what is suppose to do that being to generate debate (and have incredibly influential bloggers such as myself give the magazine some additional publicity). Never mind the most powerful man in the only superpower country didn't make the list, we have to make room for a Yankees pitcher who is 0-1 with a 6.00 ERA. Look, if they were serious about including international sports stars, Daisuke Matsuzaka or Yao Ming should get billing here. But neither should be on the list at the expense of the man who has the power to wage or end a war.

The argument made for leaving Bush off the list is that he's a lame duck who is alienating everyone with his rouge leadership style. Ok, fine whatever. Why don't you talk to Congress about how influential he is being that he just vetoed a bill passed by both the House and Senate to set a timetable to bring home troops from Iraq? I'm not going to get into the bill's merits one way or the other, but that a single individual killed it with a single vote makes him pretty influential to me.

The list doesn't exclude politicians. Rather it includes Hilliary Clinton, Condoleezza Rice, and even Raul Castro in its ranks. Frankly, I'm fine with two of the three, and Raul will make it as soon as Fidel Castro is no longer really in charge so that's ok by me too. But don't you think that Clinton who wants to be President and Rice who reports to the President should probably not be ahead of Bush?

So I went over to the Time Magazine website to find a link for this story after I saw it on CNN this morning, and I found that Time had also conducted an Internet poll to see who you (the person of the year last year...Time is slipping mightily) thought should be on the list. I thought well maybe the public will get this right, even though when I viewed the story on CNN, the public was weighing in with an asinine 61% "yes, Bush should have been left off the list."

I opened the page and the person receiving the most votes for the most influential person was Rain - a Koren R&B star I had never heard of until this list. Needless to say, I didn't bother scouring the list for Bush because the public is incapable of measuring influence.

Now you too can eat like a billionaire

In between the USA Today and nineteen credit card applications, Becky and I recently received a Sharper Image catalog in the mail. The June 2007 edition featured every one's favorite billionaire, Donald Trump pointing to a feast of food that would no doubt feed every single person that reads this blog and then some.

Ends up the Donald is launching his own line of meat. Yes, the real estate mogul made the next logical jump to cows. Apparently the Sharper Image has the honor and privilege of the exclusive introduction to Trump Steaks.

The Sharper Image has gone all out and even given this massive event it's own webpage, featuring various meat packages and yes, a special message from Trump himself. For those who opt not to listen to the 60 commercial, the Donald in his typically exuberant fashion offers these original lines:

"When it comes to great steaks, I've just raised the stakes!"

"They are the best tasting most flavorful steaks you've ever had. Truly in a league of their own!"

"The best of the best!"

"One bite and you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about!"

Now if I have one bad fiscal habit, it's that I enjoy a good meal. As such, I indulged Trump and the Sharper Image by turning the page in the catalogue that led to the various packages for purchase. They ranged from $199-$999. Holy crap.

Scared off by the price, I soon turned the page and began thinking of ways I could sink the "unsinkable pool float" ($149.95) and what in the world would I do with an Alochawk, a professional-grade alcohol breath screener ($119.95).

You know you want an upside down, rainy kiss with Spiderman

Below are the top ten films from this past weekend and their respective earnings.

1. Disturbia $9.1 million.
2. The Invisible $7.6 million.
3. Next $7.2 million.
4. Fracture $7.1 million.
5. Blades of Glory $5.2 million.
6. Meet the Robinsons $4.84 million.
7. Hot Fuzz $4.8 million.
8. Vacancy $4.2 million.
9. The Condemned $4 million.
10. Are We Done Yet? $3.4 million

This weekend a certain fellow in red and blue (and black) makes his return to the local 42-plex movie theater. Just by comparison this arachnoid fella brought in more money in his opening weekend in 2004 than did all of these movies. Times 3. Plus 8 million.

So do your American duty and go out and see the film so that no one involved in the making of this film goes hungry.

This is so going to mess up the 1989 World Series

This is the beautiful, and in tact, Bay Bridge that links San Francisco, California and Oakland, California. It's no longer operable.

Bright and early Sunday morning, a gas tanker decided to ruin the collective Monday mornings of thousands of Californians. A truck carrying 8,600 gallons of gasoline blew up and melted the highway that connects San Francisco to Oakland. Officials are using "months" as the unit of measure for repairs, which has to have hundreds of thousands of people upset that they cannot instead enjoy the arrival of JaMarcus Russel and departure of Randy Moss from their respective cities.

I've done a little bit of research, and well, the situation sucks for commuters who normally use the Bay Bridge.

I selected a random address in downtown Oakland and then a random address in downtown San Francisco. According to Google Maps, a normal drive from point A to point B would cover 10.7 miles and 17 minutes.

The next best route, taking the Bay Bridge out of the equation, would have the commuter going north through San Quentin and then south across the Golden Gate Bridge into the city. New calculations?

35. 8 miles and 46 minutes.

That's 25.1 extra miles and 29 more minutes. Each way.

Of course those numbers are only good if there is no one else on the road, which certainly is not the case. Keeping in mind that the new route is already clogged with commuters, the additional 280,000 commuters who formerly used the Bay Bridge will create nightmares that are best blogged about and not endured.

What does this all mean? California, and possibly America, will panic that a terrorist attack could cripple the city and taxpayers will fund some ridiculously under used transportation alternative.

It also means that I need to be on my way to make my 19.2 mile, 26 minute drive in to Walgreens and while doing so I shall be gleefully whistling, "Hi ho, hi ho it's off to work I go."