Wolfden V

Metrodome Magic

2009-10-07T07:34:00.013-05:00

I'm not going to lie, this blog is most likely done after the advent of Facebook finding a way to snarkily update my life. So if I or you have to click on it in the near future, you can enjoy what was one of the greatest baseball games I have ever had the pleasure of viewing. Sadly it was from the comfort of home and not among the 55,000+ inside the Metrodome, but the feeling was nonetheless jubilant. Being a sports fan (especially a predominantly Cleveland sports fan) is filled with lots and lots (and lots) of downs that magnify those rare moments when your team succeeds. Last night was one of those triumphs and here are some of my personal favorite images from the team that won't let the Metrodome die.

The Phenomenon of Facebook

2009-07-30T10:44:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, I made the gigantic leap. I signed up for Facebook.

I never had an aversion to it the way some people fear technology in an attempt to sound cool; I just had never had the drive to sign up. Finally this past Sunday night, Becky made the jump and her peer pressure pushed me to do it (we then went out back and smoked before 7th period).

The initial process was a little overwhelming. There are links and pages out the whazoo and trying to figure out how the Facebook phenomenon worked was slightly intimidating. Not helping the situation was that on the second sign up page, the all-powerful, all-knowing computer listed pretty much everyone I've ever known complete with smiling picture.

Key to the whole process is having friends, which once both parties establish that they will in fact be friends, allows access to their personal pages. Seems simple enough, but at the same time seemed a little gym class-y. Who will pick whom? How exclusive are Facebook friends supposed to be? There are people who have thousands of friends (I think I might know 20 people in my whole life) and then there are people like my sister who have ratcheted up the security settings so high so that she can't be found that the director of the FBI wouldn't locate her.

I decided to throw out a few of those friend invitation thingies to people I was confident would accept, as I couldn't possibly handle rejection this early in the process. Blessed people accepted me into the community, and I was off and running. In fact, I was sprinting. Before I knew it, word of my signing up for Facebook had spread across a few people's pages and now I feared not sitting on-line by myself. The exclusivity issue had swung wildly in the other direction as acquaintances sought to be Facebook friends and that eventually continued into people I don't remember having a single meaningful conversation with asking for friendship to finally settling into someone I have never even heard of shooting me a friend invitation. I'm going to consult with Facebook experts to see if it's ok to reject them as friends being that it seems everyone accepts everyone in these parts.

In addition to offending these distant individuals come the inevitable clashing that is going to come with so many different friends from different walks of life coming together on the personal page. I've got two people I know don't like each other very much as friends. I've got hardcore Republicans and hardcore Democrats as friends. And this is to say nothing of the legions of you who don't pull for the Cleveland Indians.

The other oddball occurrence is the phrasing that, for example, JR and Drew are now friends! I've known JR for close to a decade but before that phrasing, our non-verbalized commitment to one another seemed incomplete. Now that he and I are Facebook friends, I feel as if we can take this to the next level - maybe hand holding. Ratcheting up the phrasing issue a notch, I was appreciative that the website reminded me that I was in fact married. Again, the sacred union Becky and I shared was lacking the firmness and long term committment of the updated Facebook profile. Not only was I married, I am now married to a Native American princess! Apparently married ladies on Facebook are known with the maiden name as their middle name on every post. Princess Bird Wolf is out seeking nuts and berries for dinner.

Probably the neatest aspect of this Facebook phenomenon is the ease with which pictures and other information are available and shared with individuals. I found out one former colleague is engaged to be married and saw photos of an individual I hadn't seen in years. As if e-mail weren't informal enough, Facebook provides an even easier medium to keep up with individuals that will make the trials and tribulations of the first day Facebook sign up worthwhile. Becky summarized well in saying that Facebook is the AOL Instant Messenger feature we all used so religiously in college souped up with pictures and other features. An evolution of AOL instant messenger, if you will, considering that Facebook has one of those direct chat things, too.

Overall, the general sentiment has been "welcome to the addiction." People tend to get caught up regularly checking their walls and their friends to see what everyone is up to. And honestly, I was checking the computer a little bit more frequently this first week of Facebook than I probably would have otherwise. That said, the content is going to be so vanilla that I can't believe that I would get permanently sucked up into a massive time warp. I don't know that I've seen a post more than two sentences, thereby limiting the depth of any post and certain topics are going to be off limits. I am not going to go on a "I hate work" rant because some employee or boss is likely to someday come across this page. Likewise, I will refrain from the "I went to a conservative radio talk show rally" last month for the reasons mentioned previously. Truly, the content will be light hearted, which will be fun and fine, though not altogether addictive.

So week one draws to a close on Facebook and it's a fun phenomenon. I kinda wish I knew who Brian Schwartz is and why he wants to be my friend, but it is nice to know that JR's first name is James.

The free money health care reform.

2009-07-16T10:35:00.003-05:00

I preface this post by saying that I neither believe the claims that America must act right now to save the health care system nor do I believe that cost is so prohibitive that we shouldn't look at some legislation. In short, I strongly dislike soundbites that are so one sided and simple that the issue can be summarized by your political party leader of choice. My irritation with the current goings ons in Washington is the ignorance of those that this reform would most impact. Those that would be taxed to pay for it won't hear of benefiting their fellow man. Those that would benefit from it won't take a few minutes to educate themselves on what the programs would mean.

With all of this squabbling, I interact on a regular basis with those that this program would benefit at my place of employment. These individuals provide a small glimpse at what America sees and understands of the process.

In working retail with modest (at best) wage earners, many of my employees barely can afford to live paycheck to paycheck. The promise of free health insurance is incredibly appealing. Of course, it isn't free, but it's free to them, which I believe is one of the most telling communication issues of health care reform.

A couple of my employees were discussing the health care issue at work the other day with some having varying degrees of comprehension and apathy toward the scenario. One employee, a single mother, spoke very excitedly of a new government plan saying, "We'll be just like Canada where all health care is free! You don't pay anything!"

If you tell someone making 9 dollars an hour that the government is going to come in and take care of their health insurance, understandably they are excited that this burden is lifted from them. What they don't consider is the trickle down effect of those that are paying for their insurance. Those that are making money and employing them and paying these extra taxes now have one more expense that ultimately will influence the bottom line - the benefits they currently offer employees and the ability to employ the numbers they do. The political debate can come in and be wrestled with in Washington on whether it's more beneficial to have fewer employed but with insurance or to have more employed without insurance. That I'm not going to touch, but the perception that it's free is a terrible misnomer that should be and needs to be understood by all involved. I grow frustrated with the "it's good for me, be damned if I'm going to look at the bigger picture" mentality that government programs generate. I'm not anti-government, I just want people to slow down and take a look at the consequences of decisions rather than race to what's immediately best for them.

At the barber shop today, I was in a lull in between reexplaining for the nth time in five years my profession and a bad joke when a long time customer entered the shop. The man was a farmer and after some discussion said that he voted for our current president for the fact that he would receive a greater subsidy from one candidate than the other. He disagreed with this candidate on every other issue but because the government would give him something, he voted the way he did. To each his own, but the man readily admitted he was doing fine without the subsidy but that he was enjoying the "free" money. I take less offense at the vote than I do with the now repeated concept of "free money."

I wish I had some magic potion that Americans could take to see that nothing is free. Health care reform is not off limits because it costs money, but if everyone could just educate themselves on where the money will come from and what that means, then we could have a meaningful conversation on the pros and cons of such a plan. But we can't even get to that point because the top earners instantly clam up on any discussion of penalizing them for their success and the low earners won't look past the immediate gratification of what benefits them at the expense of others.

Another example, I have one employee who works to provide for her child, regularly looking for more hours. Over time, the store needed some extra help and I was able to accommodate her request for additional work. Her average hours per work increased to the point where she qualified as a full-time employee, which in turn qualified her for employee sponsored health care (full time employees are the only ones who qualify at work for health insurance). She wrestled with continuing work and signing up for health care insurance or reducing her hours to the point where she would once again become a part-time employee. Why do the latter? Because as a part-time employee who doesn't qualify for health insurance, the government would provide her with "free coverage."

Again, I am going to avoid the politics of we should go this way or that, but shouldn't we live in a society where people a.) understand that nothing the government does is free and b.) people should be willing to take a personal responsibility in what they do? I cringe at work at the barber shop, at work, and anywhere else when I hear talk of "free government" help. The government is there to help and should help, but can we all agree that all action requires money from somewhere? The discussion of whether the costs are worth it are a whole other world away - one that politicians are debating - while the rest of America wallows in self ignorance.

This is one bullpen that absolutely blows (saves).

2009-06-20T06:30:00.004-05:00

Just how many 7 run leads can one team blow in one season?

Greg Aquino boasts a WHIP of 1.75.

Kerry Wood (sulking above) blew his third save of the season and has a dominant 4.81 ERA.
(Editor note: I should update this to reflect Wood's fourth blown save - two in two days - and a new ERA of 5.47 after an outstanding line of 1/3 of an inning, 3 hits, 2 ER, and 1 wild pitch after Saturday's latest bullpen blowfest.)

Luis Vizcaino has walked more batters than has pitched innings.

Jensen Lewis is giving up a home run every 12.75 batters.

Joe Smith's ERA just crossed 6.

And perhaps the greatest gem of all is Rafael Perez as in 18 and 2/3 of an inning he has allowed 32 hits! The WHIP is over 2.4 and the ERA zoomed by 11!

Where are they now? Sandlot style.

2009-06-07T15:02:00.002-05:00

Inspired by a recent ABC Family showing of The Sandlot, I thought it would be fun to take a look at what became of the child actors that made up one of my favorite baseball movies growing up. And from what I saw of the airing, it's still a fun show. And it will be, for-ev-er!

1.) Scotty Smalls

The lead character who totally rocked a huge fishing hat, had zero baseball skills, and developed into the coolest kid in the neighborhood was played by Tom Guiry. Guiry continues acting having earned roles in The Black Donnellys, Kings, CSI Miami, and the vastly underrated U-571. I personally don't remember him in any of these. As such I remember him still as the little kid and have a hard time with the fact that he fathered a child at the age of eighteen.

2.) Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez

The skilled back yarder was pretty much the equivalent of a lifetime AAA player who made one good play in one game. I mean who wouldn't order a steal of home with the game on the line? Nonetheless, the actor was Mike Vitar who ceased acting four years after the Sandlot. He went on to appear in The Mighty Ducks 2 and 3 as well as a couple of cameos on NYPD Blue and Chicago Hope. The older, grown up Benny Rodriguez was played by Mike Vitar's older brother Pablo P. Vitar who did this movie and literally nothing else before passing in 2008. At least he got to steal home!

3.) Hamilton "Ham" Porter

The slick hitting catcher catapulted his childhood fame into a list of impressive Hollywood credentials. Patrick Renna bounced around TV for awhile getting in an episode of Home Improvement, ER and one of my personal all time favorite series Boy Meets World. Other highlights include X-Files, National Lampoon Presents Dorm Daze, and Boston Legal.

4.) Michael "Squints" Palledorous

Chauncey Leopardi was one of the few child actors who had a few appearances under his belt before The Sandlot came around. Back before he was faking death for some sweet tongue action with the cute lifeguard, Leopardi made an appearance in Father of the Bride as well as L.A. Law. His two most notable resume builders since The Sandlot are nine episodes of Freaks and Geeks and five episodes of Gilmore Girls.

5.) Alan "Yeah Yeah" McClennan

Yeah Yeah is also known as Marty York. Marty did what all child actors did at the time and appeared on Boy Meets World but also added a Saved By the Bell appearance, too. He hasn't acted since 1997 but did recently make some low wave TMZ headlines by getting arrested for domestic battery in an incident with his on again off again girlfriend.

6.) Kenny DeNunez

Kenny was the pitcher for the sandlot duo, and was another Sandlot-er who had some success before the movie. Brandon Quintin Adams did some work with Michael Jackson for Moonwalker. He teamed up with Benny and became two sport superstars leading the Mighty Ducks to great local and international fame in the Mighty Duck movies. And yes you can check off a Boy Meets World appearance too. IMDB still calls him active in the movie business but doesn't have a credit since 2005.

7.) Bertram Grover Weeks

Grant Gelt played Bertram, the glasses wearing background player who had a relatively quiet role in this character heavy hit. Grant went on to do the popular thing, Saved by the Bell and Boy Meets World. His character in The Sandlot was teased to have gotten a little too involved in the 60s and no one ever heard from him again. He's done but one credited piece since 1995, and it appears that Grant disappeared much like Bertram (he's even barely visible on the movie poster cover).

8.) Wendy the Lifeguard

This dreamboat's other name is Marley Shelton. Shelton starred in such films as Pleasantville, Never Been Kissed, The Bachelor, and W. Shelton was scheduled to play Annabeth Schott in the West Wing but the role was moved on to Kristin Chenoweth for who knows why. Also, Shelton was #98 on Stuff's Magazine's Sexiest Women in the World. Squints thought the rating was low.

9.) Scotty's dad Bill

Dennis Leary has done lots since playing the tepid step-father with an affinity for the New York Yankees. He's played Tommy Gavin in 62 epsidoes of Rescue Me and is the voice of Diego in the upcoming Ice Age 3 mega-super-uber-huge blockbuster. Among others, credits include Loaded Weapon 1, Wag the Dog, A Bug's Life, The Thomas Crown Affair, and Recount. Interestingly enough, Leary is the cousin of new Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien and turned down the part Mark Wahlberg had in Oscar winning The Departed.

10.) Scotty's Mom

Karen Allen has a great many credits to her name my favorite of which is Marion Ravenwood of Indiana Jones fame. She also did Animal House, Scrooged, and The Perfect Storm among others. And yet her character had no name other than "Scotty's Mom" for The Sandlot.

11.) Mr. Mertle

James Earl Jones was the blind baseball talent that took care of the monster beast Hercules. Jones never amounted to anything after this movie and no one has ever heard of him. (171 credits).

How do unearned runs work?

2009-06-03T19:20:00.003-05:00

Last evening, I had the honor and privilege of watching the 2009 Cleveland Indians in person for the first and probably last time this season. They visited the Metrodome with their irritatingly underachieving roster, and promptly added another player to the DL two batters into the game. A couple runners left on base in clutch situations and poor defense made for a one run loss that should have been a victory.

It was this poor defense that raises the inquiry in this post's subject line. For David Huff, the Cleveland starter, had a monstrous ERA (above 10) that I was hoping would improve for the young man as he had one of those one bad outings that distorts stats for a good month or so without revealing the progress he had made. In the Twins' half of the third, the Tribe's defense was particularly poor, leading to an error, and leading me to believe that Huff's ERA would go unblemished. Upon reading the box score once I got home, I see that he was charged for all the runs during his appearance. Is this a whoops by the official scorer or do I not understand how unearned runs work? I suppose I always thought that once an error occurred, all runs there following were unearned. Is this not the case? Someone smarter than me care to balance the intelligence?

Order of events:

With two outs, Alexi Casilla doubles.
Denard Span follows with an RBI single (1 ER)
Huff then uses a beautiful pick off move to confuse Span who breaks for second.
First baseman Martinez airs it out, missing the shortstop entirely and allowing Span to move all the way to third.
Joe Mauer, who hits everything, singled home Span (2 ER)

Now I first contest that Span should be credited with a stolen base when the pick off attempt clearly had him out. But my bigger contention is that with 2 outs, a throwing error extends the inning and the following run is earned. How does this work?

On the plus side, in my all Cleveland attire, I was only dropped with one f bomb at the Dome, a far cry from the countless instances of harassment when I wore Browns attire to a Metrodome contest. Baseball fans are in fact classier than football fans.

The Harry Potter Series

2009-05-25T20:29:00.002-05:00

Since "geek" is not a derogatory term from which I've fled in my life, I write here this day to announce my recent completion of the 7 book Harry Potter series. I took about 10 months to complete this task, and overall I enjoyed the series. I would stop short of saying they were the best books I have ever read or that I'm going to race out to movie premiers dressed as a wizard. But nonetheless, I enjoyed the series, the cast of characters, and the plot that befell the one and only Harry Potter.

The general gist of the series is that Harry Potter is an orphaned boy who through some curious magical friends discovers that as an infant survived an attack from the evil wizard Voldemort, an attack that took the lives of his parents. The framework of the series is that Potter learns more and more about his parents and the bad dude at Hogwarts, a school for wizards. The school has seven grades and the series has seven books, each book another year in the boy wizard's life. The overall series was at its best when the action took place at the school, rather than off its grounds, but the later books dictated that increasing amounts of action occur away from Hogwarts. In the end, the story comes full circle as Potter and Voldemort square off on school grounds.

1.) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

The first book was Becky's least favorite, and while I disagree, I can see why she thinks so. The series is what it is because of the great character development JK Rowling employs. However, at the very start, getting to know the hoards of people is burdensome. Additionally the reader, like Harry, is learning the rules of the wizarding world (brooms flying, sporting activities, etc.) which takes time to develop. In later books, the reader knows all of this in advance and it's like riding a bike, but the first go around can be a bit much. The plot is clever with a suspenseful ending, and the book is a serviceable framework for later chapters in the saga while still completing a story.

2.) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

As I began reading the second book, I was eager to jump back into Harry's life at Hogwarts and the new friends he met at said school. But in what would prove to be a reoccurring theme throughout the series, I had to persevere through nearly 100 pages of Harry in the non-wizarding world, agonizing as I was, when he would return. I found this to be Rowling's primary weakness in writing where it appeared to she wanted to stretch out books for no real reason. Nonetheless, the action picks up quickly once back at Hogwarts where Harry and his two best pals Hermione and Ron discover secrets at the school untouched for years. When Ron's youngest sister, Ginny, falls into trouble, Harry and pals race to save the day. An entertaining second effort.

3.) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Having not been part of the Harry Potter craze from the get go, I wonder if the series took off on its spectacular popularity after book 2 as book 3 and those thereafter triple in length. While 1 and 2 might have been written in succession, book 3 elevates in complexity of story telling that required an extra skill level. The story here revolves around a mysterious new teacher, an escaped convict, and Potter's growing rivalry with the Potions Professor, Severus Snape. All three become critical characters in later installments, and for the first time, the series flashes back to establish the history (and eventual future) of these three crazy cats. Another quirky ending left me with a favorable rating with this being my second favorite book of the entire series.

4.) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

My overall favorite book would be this fourth one where Harry grows out of the child label and into the young man that the rest of the wizarding world would later rely on. It's kind of the Anakin Skywalker becoming Darth Vader, but fighting for good for those nerds out there that are getting these sci-fi references. The neighboring wizarding schools get together for the Tri-Wizard tournament that determines the best young wizard in the world. The plot revolves around three tasks for this tournament that increase in order of difficulty and danger until for the first time in three books - an achievement in delayed gratification - Potter deals with the Voldemort character for the first time. The setting and intensity of this meeting was my favorite part of the series, and the ending an incredible leap that left me eager for the rest of the series.

5.) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Having really enjoyed book 3 and loving book 4, I can easily say that book 5 was a tremendous disappointment and my least favorite of all 7 books. This fifth installment was meant to be a call to arms in the war of good and evil. Rather than an action packed race to ready, the primary characters are confined to a single hideout, doing more hiding than anything. Chapter after chapter dealt with dark rooms, whispers, and a battle of media perception (think Spiderman - again, I am a dork and I am comfortable with this). The decrease in action from fighting overgrown snakes, body snatching bad guys, dragon slaying, and three headed dogs from books one through four are replaced by Harry trying to go on dates, which while a nice attempt into what a normal 15 year old might be doing are not Rowling's strong suit. Her strong suit are her finales, but this is her weakest one of the bunch. The good guys run around a blur of a setting that has weird surroundings for the sake of being weird and offer nothing to the overall conclusion other than to say the lack of attention to physics make the story hard to follow rather than uniquely magical. Compared to an alternate setting elsewhere in the series of a graveyard that clearly sets the tone and stakes at hand, the Ministry of Magic basement conclusion was sub-par. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was a big time thumbs down for yours truly.

6.) Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

I know of several people that have read the series that did not care for this installment of the book, but I maintain that it was necessary to build to the finale. In this chapter of the series, Potter spends a tremendous amount of time with his mysterious mentor, Albus Dumbledore. Now Dumbledore had made it habit in the first five books of showing up at the end to explain everything. He was a mysterious character who in the end, was always at the right place at the right time. A likable chap, Dumbledore takes center stage in this installment, shedding the shadows and leading Harry along. Rowling very cleverly manages to spend a significant portion of the book in flashback mode to offer some additional build up for the inevitable extreme good (Potter) versus extreme evil (Voldermort). The book gets very intense toward the end as the necessary passing of the torch sets up the finale in the series. But it is in the frantic endings where Rowling writes best, and she does well to finish up Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

7.) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Ah, the grand finale! I have been asked by several what I thought of the last book, and I answer truthfully in that I abhorred the first half and loved the last half. In the first four hundred pages, roughly one exciting thing happens (the flight from the Dursley residence). When the earlier plots occurred at Hogwarts, Rowling was able to throw in little nuances that made the build up for conclusion fun and whimsical. Taken out of Hogwarts, Harry Potter flees bad guys in the boringest of fashions. I had faith that the book would get better, and it did, but in answering whether a book is good or not, I feel the need to resist answering with the last taste in my mouth and instead consider the whole body of work.

What I did like about the finale, I really liked. Rowling does not hesitate to kill off characters, which while sounding demonic of me, was most enjoyable. For the ultimate climax of the series has to be built up in such a way where the reader feels the seriousness of the situation, and eliminating beloved but expendable characters does just that. Those characters who survive the book have well defined roles and excellent closure. The dramatic of reveal of the dark Severus Snape is among the best writing in the whole series as the sometimes good guy sometimes bad guy shows his true colors. The final chapter of years later wraps up the entire series and gives the reader a sense of finality.

The epic baseball disaster of May 15, 2009

2009-05-20T19:31:00.004-05:00

While a little slow in finally getting around to make this post, I feel it still worthy to do for the simple fact that I like to wallow in my baseball misery. Cleveland fans typically wallow, for we do it better than any other fan that except for, of course, the common Cub fan. But on Friday, May 15, 2009, my sorrows spread from not just my beloved Indians but to a couple other teams as well.

All started well as I was in Kansas City, Kansas visiting some old colleagues and ready to take in baseball in a stadium I never had the pleasure of entering. The weather forecast was ominous with a touch of death expected by early afternoon. The good news was that trusty weather.com told us that by game time, the storms would taper off leaving us a lovely night of baseball. At 5:30pm, we left Kansas for the Missouri stadium. At 5:31pm, the heavens opened.

We arrived in Arrowhead Stadium's parking lot at approximately 6:20pm and illegally veered away from proper parking to reserved parking (criminals!) for fear of the rain. At 7pm, we were hardly surprised to learn that the game would not be starting on time as but 5 minutes from first pitch, the rain fell harder than ever. Lightning struck around us and Kaufman Stadium had some bizarre lighting and siren system that signaled the end times. Meanwhile, some PR goof with a microphone was allowed to roam the stadium asking Family Feud type questions which were shown on Kansas City's ultra-mega-super humongous scoreboard which was easily visible from the truck the four of us were waiting out the rain delay. He probably died in a lightning strike.

We, however, were listening to some sports talk radio, getting regular updates on the games in the other parts of the country where the world wasn't ending. Among the games of interest were my Cleveland Indians taking on the defending American League Champions, Tampa Bay Rays, and my adopted, very close second favorite team the Minnesota Twins in New York to play the Yankees. Both began marvelously as early leads for both Cleveland and Minnesota tempered the crabbiness that only accompanies sitting in the back of a pick-up truck with leg room measured in centimeters.

The local feed took over the sports talk station to give us an estimate of 8:30pm as being the new start time. 90 minutes. Well, it's not great, but at least they are trying to get the game in. Royals' ace Zack Greinke was to pitch and by all means, the home field advantage had Kansas City trying desperately to get him in on normal days rest. To further matters, Friday night happened to be fireworks night and some food promotion that in combination with Greinke managed to sell out a game in Kansas City, which to the best of my (limited) knowledge hasn't happened since 1964. With this in mind, all must wait every last minute in an attempt to get the game in!

8:30pm: Hurricane Hallmark was no closer to letting up. The lightning was as frequent and intense as ever and the rain was coming down like taking a shower. After over two hours of waiting, the group agreed to call it a night and hope to get a doubleheader in tomorrow.

9:00pm: After scurrying away from the epicenter of weather disaster, the group stumbled upon some local eatery in which we gobbled down some necessary sustenance after hours with nothing more than Doritos and Lays (of which I ate none, forever holding out that I'd be able redeem my Friday food voucher). Upon sitting down, we find that Minnesota has a 2-run lead heading into the 9th inning. Beautiful! Likewise, Cleveland is dominating Tampa with a 7-run lead. All is well and made even more well by peperoni pizza.

Shortly before 9:15, the evening's tone changed dramatically. The local joint had a band playing. A loud band for which there was a $5 cover charge that we avoided by simply going in a second entrance. One of the group decided to point out that an Asian man in the street was up to no good at just the moment the band stopped playing, leading to an uncomfortable moment in which all of us were thought to be racist. The god of Shin Soo Choo was not amused, and the baseball tables turned.

For immediately there following the Kansas City Royals and the Baltimore Orioles began playing baseball. Our tickets were worthless, our free food gone, and the fireworks fizzled out. No doubleheader, no Zach Greinke, and still no leg room. But hey, at least we had pizza, we had the Indians up 7, and the Twins had Joe Nathan. A sure lock for at least something positive.

1.) Some guy named Gardner triples.
2.) Mark Teixiera singles home a run.
3.) A-Rod walks.
4.) Matsui whiffs, one down.
5.) Swisher grounds out, two down.
6.) Intentionally walk Robinson Cano to get the force out.
7.) Melky Cabrera inexplicably singles to center, scoring two runs and winning a game against the steady hand of Joe Nathan.

Understandably, I'm the only individual in the local eatery upset about these seven batters and the outcome of this game. I'm probably a little more upset given that I just missed out on one of two baseball games I hopped on a plane to see, but hey at least Cleveland is thrashing the Rays by seven.

Final score:
Tampa Bay 8
Cleveland 7

Anthony Reyes given a massive lead couldn't get out of the 6th inning. Tony Sipp graced everyone with a six pitch walk, throwing a wild pitch for good measure. Jensen Lewis, in one inning of work, managed a WHIP of 3.00. Rafael Betancourt gave up a home run to a career .230 hitter. Luis Vzcaino made his Cleveland debut by failing to record an out and allowing BJ Upton (hitting .190 on the season) to walk off with a game winning home run. Since then, Cleveland has yet to win a game managing to lose by blowing a 3 run lead with their closer on the hill and a game in which a line-up snafu eliminated the designated hitter thereby allowing the pitcher to get in on the embarrassment with an RBI double.

And so concludes the epic baseball disaster of May 15, 2009. A typhoon wasting away Kansas City tickets, a closer gone astray in New York, and the laughable saga of the worse team in baseball pissing away a seven run lead all combined to an absolutely horrific baseball evening.

Winter Scheduling

2009-04-21T06:14:00.002-05:00

The great Cleveland snow storm from a couple years ago that wiped out an entire four game series was a logistics issue, and much debate ensued about what could be done about games at such cold weather locations in April. I don't know that I ever read about anything official being done to avoid the problem, but in glancing at the standings this morning I found that Cleveland has played the fewest home games of any team in the majors (3). Colorado also has played but 3 home games, which given the recent Denver snowstorm seems to have been a prudent scheduling decision. Even still, one has to wonder if this lopsided scheduling alters the fairness of the schedule. I wouldn't blame all of Cleveland's poor start on the road schedule, but it does put them in a hole. On the reverse side, if they had played decently during the stretch, then they would have a big homestand or two during the final weeks of the season. Eh, interesting.

Wang to 60 Day DL?

2009-04-19T12:50:00.005-05:00

After three outings in which Chien-Ming Wang has pitched a grand total of 6 innings (23 ER), I would imagine we are about a week away from Wang heading to the 60 day disabled list. These types of bad outings are usually an indication of some terrible injury. While the Yankees haven't said much other than "slow to recover from off season surgery", one has to figure that a guy with a career ERA of 4 is pitching pathetically for some reason.

The rout and the rant

2009-04-18T16:52:00.005-05:00

Cleveland Indians: 20
New York Yankees: 2
Bottom of the 5th Inning

I have tried very very hard to stay away from writing that "season is over in April" post that I so badly wanted to write after the Tribe started 1-7. Everything was going wrong, and I feared that the hope that shines so brightly during Spring Training was the proverbial on-coming headlights of a semi-truck.

My biggest concern for Cleveland has been the bizarre line-ups that manager Eric Wedge has taken a liking to. Don't get me wrong, I am pleased that he feels we have such a good group of players that tinkering with the starting order is the only way to get people at bats. But, could we please stop it with a different line-up every single night?

Trevor Crowe has played in six of the first eleven games. Why? He's hitting .211 with no home runs and a slugging percentage of .263. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a huge Ben Francisco guy, but Trevor Crowe?

I get that Travis Hafner may still be recovering from shoulder surgery, but he's actually hitting the ball. Why take him out? He's rested two games already, not to mention the day off in the middle of that always strange opening series schedule. The guy has 3 homers in those nine games and an OBP of .405.

Ryan Garko and Kelly Shoppach are pretty much a push offensively. I suppose I'd rather have Garko playing first than Victor Martinez, which means Shoppach is the odd man out. I'm sure there will be an injury soon enough that gets him in the line-up.

So with a batting order of

1.) Grady Sizemore
2.) Mark DeRosa
3.) Victor Martinez
4.) Travis Hafner
5.) Jhonny Peralta
6.) Shin Soo Choo
7.) Ryan Garko
8.) Ben Franscisco
9.) Asdrubal Cabrera

Cleveland put up 20 runs on the road against the Yankees. Mr. Wedge, could we please let these guys stay for awhile? Thanks.

Oh, please don't get me started with Carl Pavano.

Cleveland St. has a prestigious English program

2009-03-21T09:37:00.002-05:00

Cleveland State pulled off the upset of the NCAA tournament on Friday night behind the strong play of J'Nathan Bullock. In his words after the win over Wake Forest:

"They thought we were going to be scared of their jersey name," said Bullock, "That's never the case with Cleveland State. We're not here to be no laughingstock."

Not no way.

An old pleasure returns

2009-03-08T09:48:00.000-05:00

	S. Dakota St.	72
	(13-19, 7-11 Summit)
	Oral Roberts	69
	(16-15, 14-4 Summit)

Final - OT

AIG

2009-03-02T19:55:00.005-05:00

At what point do we just pull the plug? We're up to $162.5 billion dollars in AIG bailout and economists don't see an improvement anytime soon. When a company loses $61.7 billion in a single quarter ($99 billion for the year), is there any financial reason to prop up the company to continue bleeding? Sure, the counter argument is that this would destabilize the financial sector to which I reply, "It isn't already?" Then there's the all the people out of work counter argument which is slightly better, for no one wants to throw the 116,000 that AIG employs out on the streets. But, if taxpayers are simply throwing money at the company that is so far away from turning a profit why not just throw it right into the employees' pocket via welfare or unemployment and bypass the facade of a company. Furthermore, if these stimulus packages are supposed to be creating job, wouldn't we just spend tax payer dollars in that direction instead of for a specific, horribly failing company? Pull the plug already.

"Some analysts have estimated that AIG could be in line for as much as $100 billion more in government aid at some point, putting the exposure of the American taxpayer to the insurer in the neighborhood of a quarter of a trillion dollars."

How much more time, effort, and most notably money can the government throw at a sunk company?

Classic Late Night

2009-02-13T21:21:00.000-05:00

David Letterman at his finest.

The Superest Catch Ever

2009-02-02T20:50:00.004-05:00

Immediately at the conclusion of last night's incredible Super Bowl (way better than those Redskins/49ers blow outs when I was a kid), I got into an argument with the Super Bowl party host as to what the greatest catch in Super Bowl history was. He maintained that it was David Tyree's catch that brought down the undefeated Patriots. I countered that that catch won nothing, but that Santonio Holmes' tip toe grab actually was the game winning grab. Thereby it should be deserving of greatest Super Bowl catch ever. Readers, your thoughts?

The Miracle on the Hudson

2009-01-18T20:31:00.005-05:00

Definitely the picture of the year if not the awesome news story of the year was the whole Miracle on the Hudson/US Airways plane crash debacle from last week. In all the coverage, the talking heads just kept going over all the variables that made this such a ridiculously crazy event. And so with a nod to The Trampoline Bear and its fun gimmick, I present the top ten variables from this disaster turned miracle.

1.) Birds!

So who knew that birds possessed such a threat to airplanes? I kinda figured planes would just zip through flocks and shred them to bits. Even if one did hit a plane, I wouldn't have thought that it would bring down a jet. We aren't talking experimental, wimpy aircraft here. This was a real plane! How many planes and how many birds share the skies on any given day? And today the elements came together to cause a crash.

2.) Decision

Quickly, the pilots knew of impending doom and quickly they made the decision to crash land in the Hudson River. That in of itself is a mighty tough decision to make. Yes, we have a plane full of people, and yes, we are making the conscious decision to crash it into a busy waterway. What a responsibility and what a responsibility knowing that an attempt at the nearest actual runway might endanger New Yorkers on the ground.

3.) The landing

I read something in the USA Today that said there had been something like four successful water landings in the modern jet era that would not qualify as a disaster. This type of landing, despite whatever training the pilot had had, is not well practiced at any level. Thrown into a real life situation with hundreds of lives at risk, those pilots made one heck of a landing.

4.) It floats

Much like the bird situation in point number one, I cannot say that I would have ever considered the possibility of the plane floating. As soon as that thing hit the water, I would have thought for sure that water would rush in and sink it in moments. Sure enough, the jetliner stayed up long enough for people to evacuate and leave safely.

5.) The back door

A Dateline report revealed a lesser known good break in the case in that a flight attendant, upon water landing, attempted to open the back door. Training had told them that exiting at the nearest door was the best option, but in this case opening said door would result in water rushing into the plane. After the jammed door would not open, flight attendants and passengers moved toward the front of the plane and left via doors that were not submerged.

6.) The picture

Truly one of the most amazing pictures ever. A crash landing in the Hudson River and survivors standing on the wing.

7.) Ferry help

The same Dateline report revealed that the pilots attempted to maneuver the aircraft toward the ferry terminals to maximize the amount of rescue help available. Sure enough, boats motored up to the aircraft in mere minutes after the touchdown. Boats of passengers made their way to shore, getting individuals to the safe and sound shore as quickly as possible.

8.) Calm and orderly

By all accounts, everyone involved was incredibly calm and made for an orderly evacuation. In a crisis such as this, I would not have thought it possible to have over a hundred calm passengers in a plane crash exit without pushing, shoving, and utter chaos. I go back to that picture of people lined up on the wing, patiently waiting for help to come. No sign of panic exists at all.

9.) Freezing

I have complained and will continue to complain about the arctic conditions here in Minnesota, but the weather in New York was no balmy afternoon. The cold air temperature and the frigid river waters surely would combine to cause some serious problems, wouldn't they? No major cases of hypothermia, no frost bite. The weather might as well have been 75 and sunny for the lack of damaging effect on the plane crash.

10.) Not a single fatality

But of all the events and all the factors, that there was not a single fatality is the most miraculous. In any other replay of all the factors that went into this event - birds taking out jet engines, a water landing, freezing river water - there is no way that everyone makes it out alive. What a blessing to all those involved that this disaster was salvaged into what is now called the Miracle on the Hudson.

The mandatory it's freaking cold post

2009-01-15T09:02:00.003-05:00

The West Wing

2009-01-12T21:01:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, Becky and I concluded our enjoyable quest that began over a year ago. Back in 2006, we decided that a nice Christmas present to one another would be a subscription to Netflix. For we believed that this medium would be a nice way to watch old TV series that we had never had the chance to see the first time around. Our schedules made renting discs full of episodes unfeasible, and we didn't want to commit to buying entire seasons of shows that we might decide weren't worth our time or money. And so we subscribed to Netflix with the full intent to try the West Wing.

What followed was a delightful viewing of what I consider to be the finest television drama ever produced. Many a wonderfully boring Friday night was spent at the Wolf household watching the adventures of the Jed Bartlett White House and those who made the fictional government go round. This past weekend, we watched the final episode of the series and with it a bit of sadness as characters we had come to know and love concluded their existence.

What made the show special was an ability to create fascinating characters and place them in unique settings. Furthermore, over an eight year Presidency, one would expect people to shift roles and have different responsibilities, which is exactly what the West Wing gives the viewer. For just the President stays in the same position throughout the entire series, and in the last episode only when a new President is inaugurated does the show conclude. The reworking of different people in different roles rejuvenated the show, keeping story lines fresh for the seven seasons the program aired. A few new characters entered the West Wing, and while none of them were as memorable as the original crew, they did a nice job of mixing in and relating to the old characters.

What I enjoyed most was the witty, quick moving banter. In a day and age of "lowest common denominator" humor trying to appeal to the masses, I greatly appreciated the effort to slip in intelligent comedy. Aaron Sorkin gets a good deal of the credit here as the West Wing was his brainchild. While I would have loved to have had Sorkin write the entire duration of the show, those seasons after his departure still had value if not a little off pace from the killer early shows.

The series finale was a nice mix of nostalgia, wrapping up story lines, and even a bit of drama as the President waits until the very closing seconds of his Presidency on whether to issue a Presidential pardon. I was pleased with the last West Wing effort, which given some other disappointing series finales, was something I feared might happen. But alas, I walk away from the West Wing pleased and satisfied, wishing the show would continue yet longer.

And so I say goodbye to President and Mrs. Barlett, Toby, Josh, Sam, CJ, Leo, Charlie (who had the best closing scene of them all), Donna, Mrs. Landingham, Santos, and Vinnick. May readers of Wolfden V find your adventurers as delightfully wonderful as I did.

Walk the plank, matey

2009-01-10T08:35:00.003-05:00

The lead CNN story this morning concerned a Saudi tanker being freed after ransom was paid to its Somali pirates. This incident being one of dozens of pirate stories that have originated from the region in the past few months. While horrible and terrible for the crew and devastating to the commerce of the area, I am having a difficult time coming to terms with why this isn't more preventable.

The general idea, from what I have read, is to throw a whole bunch of good guy war ships in the area to patrol for the bad guys and keep them at bay. Sure fine, good start, whatever. The area is massive and is akin to throwing a grain of rice in a bathtub and expecting it to cover all this terrain. Simply, it's not feasible, and I get that.

But, how is it that we are able to pinpoint parachute a million bucks on to the deck of the captured ship, take pictures of it, and then let everyone get away clean? We aren't talking Harry Potter invisibility cloak here. How about following them? How about capturing them as they reenter home base? How about using a pinpoint parachute technique to bomb them (less ideal but you get the point)?

Is it a matter of international waters and no one taking responsibility here? If that's the case, I think the terrorized business and countries harmed in these piracy attacks would find it in their best interests to work something out. After all, so long as pirates are going to continue to be rewarded and left to sail away unharmed, they are going to keep doing it. Figure it out.

We have a coach!

2009-01-08T18:52:00.002-05:00

Continuing in the fine and proud tradition of Chris Palmer, Butch Davis, and Romeo Crennel, the Cleveland Browns enter 2009 with a muppet at the helm.

Satellite Radio

2009-01-06T20:57:00.003-05:00

I was a slow believer in satellite radio. In fact, I still hold some reservations on the idea. After all, as a radio broadcasting major, I appreciate and enjoy the art of the human disc jockey, which is pretty much absent from satellite radio. The local feel of terrestrial radio is another plus as weather, traffic, and news for specific towns is better than listening to CNN on the radio, which you can in fact do with XM/Sirius.

The debate between the two was never especially relevant as I didn't have a drive or really a feasible medium to try XM/Sirius. That changed when I bought my new Malibu this past fall. Part of the enticement of purchasing the vehicle was a temporary subscription to XM/Sirius. Early on, my favorite part was being able to enjoy Cleveland Indians baseball at all times, which despite the team's pathetic showing in 2008, was still a plus. The radio stations were a plus, too, as there were three or four that I could flip around and find a splendid tune to hum along with.

In all, I still think that there is a place for traditional radio, but on the way home today, I became convinced that despite XM/Sirius bleeding money the concept will succeed. Why?

Play list for XM Lithium:
Stone Temple Pilots: Plush
Our Lady Peace: Clumsy
Foo Fighters: Stacked Actors
Counting Crows: Round Here

I might as well have been listening to a Violent Rhythmic Cadence rock block. Blessed 90s rock! Can't beat that stack of songs, and I definitely wouldn't find it on any Minnesota station.

The 2008 election will never end! Behold Minnesota's Senate race.

2009-01-04T11:57:00.004-05:00

I thought Election 2008 would be long over come the first weeks of January, but us Minnesotans have managed to stretch out the process an additional two months. I'm pretty sure that this whole campaign started back in the 1900s sometime, but I digress.

Yes, we've stretched out this election process because of our stupidly close Senate race which has pitted incumbent Norm Coleman up against Al Franken. The vote was so close that we triggered an automatic recount because the final tally at the end of election day was something like one tenth of one one hundredth of one millionth percent. Like I said, stupidly close.

After the original count, Coleman claimed victory with a couple thousand votes narrowly separating himself from the SNL alum. Then the recount began. I never had put much thought or interest in a recount since nothing I had ever voted in was that close that a recount was necessary. Here in Minnesota we have those optical scan ballots (think elementary school scantron), which really eliminates the subjective nature of voting that marred the 2000 Florida recount with those hanging, poking, touched, looked at chads that officials had to guess as to the true nature of the voter. I figured that we Minnesotans and our technology savvy optical scan ballots would avoid the potential problems. I was wrong.

I thought that recounts would be honest and quick. What would be so wrong with double checking the ballots and making sure the right guy won? In short, a lotta stuff.

Subjectivity reentered the picture with election crews determining whether an X through one circle was really a vote or was retracting that vote, whether duplicate ballots had been counted, whether absentee ballots should be allowed or not, whether the moon was waxing or waning. It's insane the amount of effort people put into screwing up an election. There is no massive conspiracy here, but for heaven's sake, it's a damn bubble. Fill it in or don't. There shouldn't be gray area here.

As the legal challenges mounted, ballots were found, others disallowed and the recount entering its ninth week, Minnesota is edging closer to having a senator. The margin of difference varies daily, but it looks like Al Franken will represent this fine state as he somehow made hundreds of votes appear after the election that weren't there upon the November 3rd count. I shall restate that I don't think that there was some conspiracy, but I will say that the noble thought of an election recount is forever tarnished after having seen the unbelievable amount of subjectivity that has entered the picture and ultimately reshaped the election.

A University of Phoenix grad reflects

2009-01-01T10:04:00.001-05:00

As alluded to in an earlier post with forgotten songs from forgotten bands, I have indeed completed my time with The University of Phoenix's on-line MBA program. Some pros and some cons with this booming new educational forum, and what better forum than Wolfden V to reflect on this experience?

Pros:

1.) Length of Time

With each class lasting six weeks and there being ten classes, I was done in just over a year. Granted I did have three classes from Valpo that carried over and counted for credit, but even still a year is a neat and tidy amount of time to obtain a degree.

2.) Topics Covered

The classes are diverse and practical. I took theory based classes on strategy and implementation as well as hard hitting numerical classes steeped in business statistics. Human resources, business law, and other diverse offerings made for a nice ten course make-up of the MBA program.

3.) Convenience

No doubt this has to be the number one pro. The on-line forum allowed me to continue working while receiving an education. Working retail, I could do the work at inconsistent times and hours. I never had to drive anywhere for class, and I didn't miss a single deadline at work or school because of the program's flexibility.

4.) Freedom of Direction

A little discussed benefit of the on-line forum is that the message board, classroom participation provides a depth of knowledge and shared experience that made logging into the University of Phoenix enjoyable. Message board discussions can go any number of directions and reveal stories, experiences, and ideas that highlight the primary message of the class in a way that a textbook cannot begin to approach.

5.) Research Tools

The University of Phoenix offers a University Library with multiple academic search engines. I don't remember specifically, but I would guess that there were no fewer than 15 different ones for students to try out. I fell in love with EBSCOhost and used that more often than not to find articles for my papers, but there were many other search engines focusing in different areas of expertise readily accessible.

6.) Advisers

The University of Phoenix is a for-profit organization, which in itself holds lots of pros and cons. But the pro is that they want to retain you as a customer and to do so, they roll out an elite fleet of advisers. From finance, to enrollment, to academics I had a team of people at my disposal trained for prompt and profession response to minimize issue that might cause me to waver in my commitment to the program.

Cons:

1.) Teamwork

At the conclusion of every class, the student has the opportunity to fill out a feedback form. In every class I wrote some variation of the following:

"As a learning institution designed for working professional who work long and uneven hours, I do not understand why the University of Phoenix places continued importance on coordinating a group of students around a single project. While teamwork is no doubt an important part of any workplace environment, the continued requirement of forcing busy individuals in different time zones into a project better suited to individual performance threatens the effectiveness of the class and the entire MBA program."

2.) Variation in expectations

I realize that variation in expectations is a part of any learning experience at any level of schooling. What one teacher finds important another finds trivial and vice-versa. That said, the MBA program is of a largely a cookie-cutter course structure. While the topics varied, I could expect to write an individual reflection in weeks 1 and 4, a lengthy team paper in 2 and 5, and a massive research paper in weeks 3 and 6. One comes to expect a certain regularity with such a standard in scheduling and even so, the professors' expectations varied wildly with some putting importance on personal experience, others on drawing conclusions, others on research, and yet others (not enough) on basic paper writing ability.

3.) Write or bust

I understand that in writing a blog it will sound narcissistic to say that I had an inherent writing advantage over my colleagues, but my background in high school and college would have backed that up anyway. Virtually every meaningful evaluation of student came from paper writing ability which as alluded to, I do fairly well. I didn't take a single test, and I wasn't required to memorize a single thing. If one can write, one can pass the University of Phoenix MBA program. While writing is certainly an important medium in the workforce, I think it silly to place such an overwhelming importance on just this single way of learning as not all workplaces or learning ability is defined in the written word.

4.) Retention of knowledge

Piggybacking on what I just wrote, I compare much of what I learned to be comparable to reading a newspaper. Some is interesting, some facts register, and lots is glanced over. Since I could pick and choose what I found to be important themes in my papers, I could (and did) left vast sections of information untouched that might have been more important if a professor said, "You need to know this idea for a test." While no one is going to remember every aspect of a class, I probably would have remembered more today if instead of picking and choosing parts for my paper, a professor objectively picked the most important pieces of a class and forced students to learn them.

5.) Quality of Professor

Professor quality varied tremendously is perhaps the scariest aspect of the MBA program. Some professor are incredibly knowledgeable, very engaged, and offer valuable feedback. But in the ten course program I had probably three that shouldn't be teaching a class. Much like the students, these on-line professors are not full-time teachers. Rather, they hold a full-time job in the real world and understandably are not 110% committed at all times, as they have other pressing concerns. This dilemma, though, is not as bad as those who are less than experts in their field, show little interest in classroom discussion, and don't offer feedback in a timely manner that in a rapid paced 6-week course can cripple the ability of the student to adjust and react.

6.) That guilty feeling

Also a part of probably any educational experience, the guilty feeling that one should be doing work for a class instead of something fun is always lingering. I tried to stay ahead of the class as inevitably real world things would cause my ability to keep up with the class to fall behind. But even when I was all even with where I should be, I always felt like I should be reading or writing something to prepare for the next week. The school only takes one vacation - a break for Christmas or New Years - which puts the student in a constant state of worry with lots of work right before him or her.

The 2009 Cleveland Browns

2008-12-28T18:42:00.005-05:00

The 2009 NFL regular season concluded for my beloved Cleveland Browns this past Sunday and the best word that describes the finale has to be mercifully.

The team was absolutely horrible, which is not all that difficult for a hardcore Cleveland fan like myself to stomach. We regularly field bad football teams, and we endure horrible football heartburn. It's fine, it's part of the game.

That said, this might be the worst on field showing of any of the resurrected Browns franchise. In years past, the expectations were non-existent and when the team stunk, the disappointment was minimal. After a decade of languishing at or near the cellar of the AFC Central, the Browns surprised last year by nearly making the playoffs and setting the bar high for this coming season as many key players returned. And then we finished up with a paltry 4 wins.

The season finale was particularly noteworthy in its patheticness. The list of horrific "achievements" is fun to review:

- The Browns had 20 yards passing against the Steelers. Yes, for the entire game.
- Combined with the terrific performance of a week ago, Cleveland finished the final two games with a combined 102 yards passing in the last eight quarters.
- No Browns receiver had more than a single catch.
- The leading receiver was Donte Stallworth who had 1 catch for 12 yards.
- Fourth string quarterback Brad Gradkowski's quarterback rating was 1.0.
- Cleveland hasn't had an offensive touchdown in 6 games (24 quarters) which is an NFL record for futility.
- The Browns were shutout in consecutive games for the first time in their history.
- Coach Romeo Crennel is now 0-8 versus rival Pittsburgh

It's one thing to have a bad season. It's one thing to have an underachieving season. It's one thing to have a disappointing season. But it's a whole other ballgame to have a regularly history shattering embarrassing season. I confess I grow a little tired of the Cubs' fans wallowing in pity, which is sort of what makes this post hard to write without being hypocritical. But that said the Cubbies have had plenty of good seasons that while falling short of the World Series have in fact resulted in regular season titles and recent playoff appearances. The Browns franchise is much maligned, but there has to be a standard of competitiveness that has to exist. We lost that long ago.

Maybe it was the "other" crap that filled the season. The accusations of unsanitary conditions causing staph infections, the quarterback controversy, the defensive player punching out the rookie quarterback, the GM e-mailing profanities to fans. Whatever it was, Cleveland was never in the press for anything positive.

And so with the on the field disaster and the off the field circus, anything short of a complete house cleaning would be baffling to me. Romeo Crennel is almost certainly out as head coach (rightfully so), but there is talk with him inexplicably staying on as a coordinator. How does that work? The GM Phil Savage couldn't do much more to alienate fans than directly swearing at them, but he has also managed to create a team that sucks. He cannot be back either as the players responsible for these low lights are his responsibility. Hell, I'd fire the ball boys at this point. Start over. Again...

Kung Fu Panda

2008-11-22T09:06:00.003-05:00

Brilliant story on CNN this morning about a man wanting some cuddle time with a cute creature. The 20 year old student decided to hop a fence and get a nice, warm hug from a panda bear named Yang Yang.

"Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him."

What's so wrong with that?

Well, most everything. The unnamed student was treated for bites and was saved after passers-by rushed to a "nearby refreshment stand" for assistance. Which begs the question of how refreshment stand workers deal with panda bears. Perhaps they lured dear Yang Yang away with freshly cooked bamboo?

The zoo isn't quite sure what to do next after this the third panda incident in China in the last few months. Zoo goers have been the catalyst for all the panda misdeeds as each attack has been the result of individuals hopping fences and trespassing in panda territory. The CNN caption to the article is a stern reminder that this is a bad idea:

"Don't be deceived. Pandas might look cute but they're not to be trifled with."

Well said. No trifling should take place near these creatures. Even still, the zoo is likely going to put up additional signage thereby increasing the number of asinine warnings on common sense activities. Will we get to a point where signs will read "Enter, please. Darwin's theory at practice?"

Photo from IndiaTimes

Nevermind

2008-11-19T07:06:00.001-05:00

Does the image excite anyone else? Click the link for a great before and after photo.

Roger Goodell and the No Fun League

2008-11-17T19:33:00.002-05:00

I'm torn on Roger Goodell. I like how he handles drug testing - no messin' around. I dislike how he handles end zone celebrations - don't blink or 15 yard penalty. I watched part of the Titans-Jaguars game yesterday to see a Tennessee wide receiver score a touchdown, drop to his knees, and place his hands on his helmet. Next thing you see is a fireworks show with yellow flags flying form two separate referees. Upon watching the replay, I still didn't see anything particularly egregious. I suppose I don't like the idea that the outcome of a game could be decided because of a stupid endzone celebration, but I guess the players know that in advance. Eh.

Photo from Weblogs.newsday.com

President he is, racial magician he is not

2008-11-16T10:10:00.004-05:00

I have written on the topic of racism a couple of times with stories from both personal experience as well as from the public, political spectrum. The root of the discussion when it comes to American history is founded in the African American slave trade in the 17 and 1800s that took centuries to combat and still lingers today. The part I find fascinating is that the mentality to fight racism was reverse racism and the bizarre standards and crazy expectations that consequently follow.

At the crux of this reflection was a recent CNN article on Barack Obama ascension to the Presidency of the United States. The gist of the piece was that blacks were generally more stunned that an African American could become President while whites were generally more casually interested in the historical significance of the recent election:

The poll also suggests a racial divide among people who thought a black candidate would be elected president in their lifetimes. Fifty-nine percent of white respondents said they thought a black president would be elected in their lifetime, but only 29 percent of black respondents agreed.

Certainly what happened on election night was a moment of historical importance, but the different perceptions among the different races is equally fascinating. The background and life experiences of those in each category suggested a different outcome to this election. So far so good with conclusions.

"Even in polls taken earlier this year, a majority of African-Americans said that a solution to the country's racial problems would never be found; now blacks and whites agree that racial tensions may end."

Ok, now this is a little silly. What changes prejudices are patience, tolerance, learning, experience, and most notably time. Barack Obama as President may mean a lot of things, but in a day and age where we still have the KKK making news headline s, a sudden end all be all to racial tensions is unreasonable. More likely is that this will be another life experience that may shape Americans to appreciate, understand, tolerate, and accept the differences of those that make up this country.

I'm excited for President Obama to begin his Presidency, and I hope good times follow for this country. Instantaneous racial harmony, though, is unrealistic and not something I foresee as a product of the next four years. Improvements, I'll agree with, but an ending of racial tensions is not something this country will see by 2012, if ever. I simply struggle with the perception that a single individual will solve all the problems in this arena. That's an expectation not fair to him or reasonable for Americans to place on President Obama. A smart man, great politician, African-American history maker, and our next President for sure. A racial tension end-er definitely not.

Photo from Newsbusters.org

Full House

2008-11-12T18:57:00.002-05:00

Wow.

All done

2008-11-10T21:24:00.000-05:00

The Grand Finale

2008-09-28T20:01:00.015-05:00

Today marks the end of Major League Baseball's 2008 regular season. Back in the dark winter months, Becky had the opportunity to purchase discount tickets for the Minnesota Twins' first and last home games of the year. Naturally we jumped at the opportunity but never once thought the last game would actually matter. And matter it did with the Twins having to win to stay alive for the AL Central title.

We set off for the Metrodome, crossing the recently completed I-35-W bridge, on our way into downtown Minneapolis. The environment was fantastic as 42,942 fans packed the Dome, by far the largest crowd I have ever seen a baseball game with. Each two strike count was met with applause, each Twins hit a standing ovation, and any Minnesota runner crossing home plate chaos. It was wonderful.

The Kansas City Royals spent most of this series embarrassing the Twins, taking the first two games, after the home town team swept the hated Chicago White Sox. The sweep catapulted the Twinkies into first place the last week of the season sending the town into a frenzy with constant replaces of Denard Span's huge triple and Carlos Gomez springing up after scoring the series breaking run. But the Royals had been a different story, silencing the city which had seemed so close to greatness. Yet, my beloved and hopeless Cleveland Indians kept the Twins alive by further killing the White Sox spirit, mirroring the Royals' spoiling in taking the first two from the ChiSox. As a transplanted Cleveland fan now pulling for the hometown Twins, I loved having the Indians play such a critical role down the stretch.

And so we climbed the many flights of stairs to our nosebleed seats pulling for the Twins and Indians all the while keeping an eye on the NL Wild Card chase. Text messages between JR Radcliffe at Miller Park and I in the Metrodome added to the wild baseball afternoon. The stage was set and as Gorilla Monsoon so repeatedly said, "You could cut the anticipation with a knife!"

The Twins benefited from the Royals inability to catch and throw the ball around the infield, getting out to a quick 2-0 lead. The White Sox would make short work of the Indians on this day, but hey two out of three on the road ain't bad. The Brewers struggled scoring all the way until the very end. Minnesota eventually pulled ahead on Joe Mauer and Delmon Young clutch hits, and Joe Nathan closed the door to the ovation of an uproarious crowd. Milwaukee ended up clinching the wild card after Ryan Braun saved the day with a 2 out, 2 run home run. CC Sabathia, a much appreciated former Cleveland ace who Milwaukee is desperately trying to kill with repeated 100+ pitch counts on short rest, mowed through the Cubs as Florida was completing a second straight season of New York Mets chokage.

It was a wild Sunday of baseball that put the Brewers in the playoffs for the first time ever (something like that). The Twins finished off the regular season in first place but have to wait for a make-up game between the Tigers and White Sox to see if a one game playoff against the South Siders is necessary. The day will be best remembered in pictures with CC going to the playoffs, a city celebrating, and an overachieving Twins club finishing in first without Torii Hunter or Johan Santana. As for me, I got to support my two favorite baseball clubs in a wonderfully mismatched outfit, and it made for one helluva grand finale for the 2008 regular season.

University of Phoenix revisited

2008-09-22T18:18:00.002-05:00

Because I cannot stand to look at that brown and orange dawg - symbolizing demoralized, lackluster football - I struggled to find something else to post about. Leave it to my University of Phoenix classmates to help me out. The writing has generally improved since I last whined about it here on Wolfden V. But, this one was a winner. The assignment was to post an approximately 200 word summary about what the student did/learned for the week. I found no fewer than 5 errors in this just under 60 word horse manure. How many can you find?

"This week we discussed how companies can better serve there customers. What companies can do to keep customer's loyal. We have had some interesting conversations about what customers really want, and want companies are willing to provide. A lot of classmates believe that Classic needs to work on there customer service skills."

Just seven weeks away from me and this scholar having our MBAs.

The worst football week ever?

2008-09-09T18:40:00.002-05:00

This time of year is a grand time for sports fans. Baseball is in the midst of the pennant run. Colleges are back in session leading to a host of fall sports. And yes, of course, football has returned.

While all are great, the fact that the Cleveland Indians gave up on the baseball season back in April meant I was especially looking forward to this football season. After all, the Cleveland Browns were optimistic for their first serious playoff run in oh, twenty years, and the Hulkamaniacs were the defending regular season, VUFSA fantasy football champions. So yeah, what's not to like about a fresh football season with so much to build on?

And with that build up, Week 1 might be the worst foootball week ever. Short of losing some key player for the season, I don't know how I could have done worse.

For starters, I participate in a Yahoo Pick 'Em league in which participants pick the winners of the weekend games with confidence points. There are no point spreads, simply pick who I think will win and rate how confident I am that I will be right. After this week one, I am 25th of 25 teams - behind a pharmacy tech who picked games based on "which city I would rather visit" and a team name of "Howdoesthisthingwork?" Super.

Then I have the fantasy component of the week, which holds disproportionate importance in my life in general. I read somewhere that an estimated $150 million dollars will be lost as a result of Tom Brady's season ending injury because of prize money in fantasy football leagues in which he plays such a critical component. I had the good fortune of playing the team with Tom Brady this week, and yet I still managed to lose by a massive margin. Not only did I lose in blowout proportions, I am dead last in the league thanks to a meager cumulative point showing.

A good reason for that poor point showing is the result of playing two Cleveland Browns, Phil Dawson and Braylon Edwards. Both were superstars last year, but in week one, they along with the rest of the Cleveland Browns took a dump in Cleveland Stadium. With the Browns on TV in Minnesota and me having off a full Sunday from Walgreens for the first time, well, ever, I sat down with the intent to watch the whole game. What a disaster.

Dallas 28
Cleveland 10

Derek Anderson completed 11 passes. This from the Pro Bowl quarterback marking his first opening day. Throw in 91 yards rushing, and I witnessed the offensive juggernaut, the mighty Cleveland Browns, amassing a whopping 205 total yards, which is far less than Michael Turner had by himself in the Falcons game. The revamped Browns defense looked like Brother Martin High School as Dallas could do anything at any time and quite frankly did. The Cowboys had 5.4 yards per rush, which was the strong part of Cleveland's defense. I could go on, but the situation is too depressing to do so.

Well, week two holds promise as there's nowhere to go but up. Phil Dawson's Dawgs, Wherefore Art Thou Romeo?, and the Cleveland Browns could not have performed worse in week one, but if there's going to be a bad week might as well get it out of the way early.

A disgruntled voter

2008-09-04T20:05:00.004-05:00

In looking at my infrequent posts over the last year while I wrap up this MBA program, I realize that a good number of them have been political in nature. While we are in the midst of a world changing election cycle, I kinda surprised myself, nonetheless, by how much I had posted about this Presidential race. I suppose I have done so because I'm older and wiser and the real world seems to matter more now that I understand it a bit better and it affects me more. Even so, I still can't get fired up about candidates and in particular these conventions.

I have seen some pieces of the conventions and generally speaking I'm unimpressed. I have a few favorites that I like and I could listen to (where the hell is Tom Tancredo, by the way?), but overall these conventions are disappointing. Record numbers have tuned into Barack Obama and Sarah Palin, but I find their handling of this big stage fairly lackluster.

At the pinnacle moment, the grand pronunciation as the greatest person this political party can offer, these candidates continue to rely on propaganda, cutesy oratory and silly name calling. One person has to bring up community organizer and then the other brings up small town mayorship, which while relevant has to be done in a spiteful manner. Why not define what you stand for, explain differences, and let the public decide from there? Is that so much to ask?

For example, let's take the Iraq War.

Pro for war:
-Freeing Iraqi people held under oppressive rule for years
-Fighting terrorism by eliminating a previous save haven for them
-Promoting democracy, a long standing ideal America fights for

Con for war:
-Expensive, driving the country into even greater debt and we've seen the effect too much consumer credit has had on the stock market, let alone things like Medicare and Social Security
-Death toll while down is still high for the overall project
-Misdirected focus where we should be fighting in Afghanistan or not at all if you are peace activist

Look, I think both sides have incredibly persuasive arguments. Presented before me, I know which way I choose and what candidate best represents what I think should happen. Is it so much to ask that the issue is presented this way instead of through black and white TV advertisements that say absolutely nothing while bashing the opponent?

Pro for abortion:
-The Supreme Court a long respected entity has ruled this to be a legal right for a woman to do as she wants with her unborn child.

Con for abortion:
-The Supreme Court ruled erroneously and that life begins at conception.

One candidate falls on one side of this argument and one candidate falls on the other. Would it be so much to ask for a little chart at these conventions that actually say (gasp!) what they believe in and what action they would take when presented with this dilemma? I mean the big American flag in the background, flowing in the breeze that for some reason is supposed to make me think the person is more patriotic (?) is cute, but how about something with substance. How about a plan? A belief? Sure there is some of that in there but the I will do this vague action (wild cheering) while my opponent will do this unthinkable counteraction (voracious booing). You know, there just might be a viable argument for both sides and disrespecting the other side doesn't make yours more right.

Pro for tax cuts:
-People keep more of their own money to spend it as they choose

Con for tax cuts:
-Needed and necessary government programs better the lives of many Americans

Is it so hard to objectively take a step back, present why you think you are for or against tax cuts, and believe that people will move to your side and vote for you because of this. Or do we need 27 speeches building up how wonderful of an American you are because you have ascended to this point. Why not have 27 speeches outlining 27 tangible, measurable things you want to do in office?

As much fun as it is to fill an arena with people who think like you and support you, are all the cross-shots necessary? Are candidates so insecure that they have to take pot shots at one another instead of selling themselves and their values?

The worst movie I have ever seen was undoubtedly Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore. I eagerly rented the film wanting to see the arguments and the reasons why the Bush regime had done wrong. I wanted to learn something. Instead, I got cheesy, way over the top presentation of some stuff that might have been worthwhile but was so condescending and immature in presentation that I turned it off halfway through. Instead of presenting facts and making an argument, I got a warped, outrageous feature that had basis in something but ended with nothing. I feel similarly about these conventions. There's so much potential and so much inspiration to be had, but these feature presentations are just goofy. I guess I'm just a black and white kinda guy.

I look at these conventions and wonder if some circumstances were reversed if they wouldn't still be tearing at one another's throats. I watched a brilliant Daily Show package courtesy of one Eli Gieryna's blog that shows the asinine hypocrisy involved in these political rumblings. In one, Bill O'Reilly defends to the end the right to privacy of Sarah Palin's pregnant daughter and how we should support her and her decision to keep the child. The next clip shows O'Reilly going to town on the embarrassing situation of Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy and that the parents are unequivocally to blame for teen pregnancy (complete with disgusted look). It's worth the click over to watch the clip.

It's pathetic these double standards. And I don't believe for a second that it's limited to Republicans. If roles were reversed, I'm sure we'd be hearing the same pandering and flip-flopping from the other side. It's this crap and these people that keep me, and I think a lot of the indifferent Americans, from getting excited about politics and getting involved. For some reason, there is this continual urge to blindly believe in whatever your guy says or does. Why can't you disagree with something that your preferred candidate believes in? Isn't it ok to be an Obama supporter an be concerned about his lack of leadership experience? Isn't it ok to be a Republican who thinks McCain overlaps some of Bush's system a little too much? Could their be some reasonable dissent at these conventions?

Dissent does lead me to a brief about the embarrassment that these crazy protesters have brought to themselves. I am all for disagreement in opinion, and I was asking for it in the last paragraph. I love a good political discussion, but why is the best way to speak your minority voice to break the law, disrespect others, and make an ass of yourself? Those getting thrown out of the Xcel Center tonight and those throwing feces on one another on the Capitol lawn the last few days are pathetic. The distorted perspective of the First Amendment is so far backwards that they have no concept of what it is or what it means. A basic civics class or better yet an Amendment law class will more than educate you on basic restrictions on the First Amendment, which yes, does include bottling your pee and throwing it through police car windows. Nothing makes a valid point quite like violence and chaos. A proud moment for you and your family, dear protesters.

And so the conventions have ended and both sides had their crazies dressed in red, white, and blue. The speeches have been filed and the "clever" remarks about the other side have been made. Vague suggestions on what the next four years should be are floating around. And perhaps for fear of turning off that oh so critical undecided voter, little to nothing definitive is said, certainly nothing we will hold our next President to. Instead, keynote speeches call out the opponent for something of some substance the other said. Maybe I'm boring, but I don't subscribe to this one-sided meandering and hollow propaganda. No, I'm not swayed by "change" and no I don't believe a "maverick" is going to make things significantly different. Why would I? Instead of saying something, anything, I hear the repetitive tooting of one's own horn and the spitting on the other.

Tom Tancredo wouldn't have stood for this shit.

Good riddance, Saturn

2008-09-01T09:40:00.005-05:00

If we could, let's have a moment of silence for my recently departed Saturn. Ok, that's plenty.

Enter, the brand new 2008 Chevy Malibu. I have been introduced to such previously foreign concepts as "power windows" and "CD player." These luxuries are marvelous. To try out these and other new fangled contraptions (butt warmers!) Becky and I drove 2 hours to Duluth for a pretty picture of my new car with a beautiful Lake Superior back drop. Welcome to the family, Mr. Malibu. May your oil changes be far less expensive.

Bernie Mac and CNN

2008-08-09T17:26:00.006-05:00

The unfortunate passing of Bernie Mac hit major news outlets today. I saw it upon a morning viewing of CNN. CNN's entertainment page, pasted below, had the following screen shot.

I realize that it's tiny, and I'm not smart enough to make it bigger. However, if you click on the image it will blow up and you'll see that on the list of headlines the very last one has "Spokeswoman: Bernie Mac responding well."

Some 7 hours after I originally saw it, it's still there. And now it's worthy of a blog post. Might want to take that down, CNN.

CHANGE! Obama is behind this post.

2008-07-19T12:03:00.005-05:00

Admittedly, I don't get the bumper sticker thing. I just don't have anything that I feel so strongly about that a little two inch by six inch sticker on my crapmobile is the best way to communicate my love to the masses. I mean, I am the only individual in the world boasting a trendy 2004 Source 95.1 orange window cling, but I use that to find my car in a parking lot as much as I use it to advertise my beloved college radio station that no one in Minnesota is within 500 miles to hear.

That being said, can we please retire the 2004 political bumper stickers? None of the four men featured on these displays of election fanaticism are running for office this time around. Let's move on.

Get a nice new Obama "Change" sticker or a McCain "Experience" sticker, or whatever buzzword best sums up a lifetime of work and their future of rule. While I never ever would put a political bumper sticker on my own vehicle, can I least get the United States behind me so that I can at least view fresh new material? What happens when these folks so far behind the times still haven't changed over come November? Then they'll be two elections behind and nothing says uncool like that.

Do your part, change over your bumper sticker today.

RIP: 2008 Cleveland Indians

2008-07-08T10:55:00.004-05:00

I take a little extended Fourth of July holiday with very little access to the outside world (Missouri will do that to you) and even less yet of the sports sphere. Much to my surprise, I return to find the underachieving Cleveland Indians a shadow of their former selves. Joe Blows and CC No Periods are off the team. Woo! The team gave up halfway through 2008 and just like that we're done. I suppose things are back to normal. Man, one game away from the World Series seems like such a long time ago.

So the question definitely turns to what the hell happened?

The only thing keeping me from answering "everything" is Grady Sizemore. The man is marvelous and he's better this year than last. Unfortunately, he's the only thing that has improved has nearly every other position has seen a decrease in performance. You'll have to double the 2008 numbers to get a semi accurate comparison as we are now halfway through the the season. Around the horn:

Catcher, Victor Martinez:
2007: .374 OBP, 25 HRs, 114 RBIs
2008: .332 OBP, 0 HR, 21 RBIs, and DLed (198 at bats)

First Base, Ryan Garko:
2007: .359 OBP, 21 HRs, 61 RBIs
2008: .324 OBP, 6 HRs, 40 RBIs

Second Base, Asdrubal Cabrera*:
2007: .354 OBP, 30 runs, 3 HRs, 22 RBIs
2008: .282 OBP, 16 runs, 1 HR, 14 RBIs
*Asdrubal came up to the majors halfway through the season last year and managed 159 at bats before the season ended. This year, he had 158 at bats before heading back to the minors to stop sucking. The at bats are almost exactly perfect for our comparison.

Shortstop, Jhonny Peralta*:
2007: .341 OBP, 21 HRs, 72 RBIs
2008: .298 OBP, 13 HRs, 38 RBIs
*Jhonny's power numbers are about on par from last year which while unspectacular are seemingly immune from the Cleveland suckfest. Unfortunately, the .50 drop in OBP (sub .300!) was not.

Third Base, Casey Blake*:
2007: .339 OBP, 16 HRs, 78 RBIs
2008: .355 OBP, 8 HRs, 47 RBIs
*Casey ever the average third baseman has seen a tad bit of improvement. The problem being that most of the improvement came in the last 30 days when Cleveland was already playing catch up. As late as June 6th, his OBP was .315.

Right Field, Franklin Gutierrez:
2007: .318 OBP, 13 HRs, 36 RBIs
2008: .269 OBP, 3 HRs, 18 RBIs
*Franklin, like Asdrubal, was a midseason call-up last year. He had 271 at bats last season and has already had 202 this year. Oh yes, he's also hitless in his last 28 at bats.

Left Field, Who Knows:
Kenny Lofton, Trot Nixon, Ed Schillinger, Jason Michaels, and David Dellucci all occupied space here in 2007. This year, Lofton and Nixon were not resigned, Michaels was released midseason, and Dellucci is batting .223 having given way to Ben Franscisco.

Starting Pitcher, Paul Byrd:
2007: 15-8, 4.59 ERA, 27 HRs allowed
2008: 3-10, 5.53 ERA, 23 HRs allowed

Relief Pitcher, Rafael Betancourt:
2007: 1.47 ERA, 0.76 WHIP, 4 HRs allowed, .183 Opponent's batting average
2008: 5.67 ERA, 1.46 WHIP, 7 HRs allowed, .293 Opponent's batting average

Not to say anything of Fausto Carmona's injury and Joe Borowski's release. I have no idea what caused this cataclysmic decline in the entire team, but I'm going to speak in hyperbole and say that it is in fact the greatest collapse of any single team from one year to the next in the history of the world. The numbers are not close. They are all horrible. Cleveland sucks.

The good news is the last time we traded an overweight pitcher for prospects, Cleveland ended up with Grady Sizemore and Cliff Lee - the only two players worth a damn on this roster. Oh, and Joe Borowski will never pitch again for the Indians. Begin the Jeff Weaver era!

A quick political lesson

2008-07-01T11:00:00.003-05:00

One of the joys at working retail is that I do get to work with a lot of very cool youngsters just entering the real world. These folk are graduating high school, deciding whether or not to go to college, making choices regarding careers, and occasionally no showing for their shift. Many of them also are learning about the political world with this being the first Presidential election they have the opportunity to cast a vote. It was against this backdrop that I had a conversation recently at work with one such youngster.

Photo Tech: "Drew, this sucks!"

Drew: "What?"

Photo Tech: "Look at my paycheck. Taxes always eat a huge hole in what I take home."

Drew: "Vote Republican."

Photo Tech: "What? Why?"

Drew: "Generally speaking, Democrats love to share. They want everyone to have every opportunity to be equal. The problem of course is that someone has to pay for it, which is why you have a huge amount taken out of your paycheck. They are nice people, but they are expensive people. On the other hand, Republicans don't play well with others. They want people to keep what they earn and want individual accountability to reign. The problem of course, is a separation of wealthy and poor not improving, and they are thought of 'protectors of the rich' because they don't want to tax everyone, instead letting people keep what they earn. They are nice people, they just don't want to spread wealth everywhere."

Photo Tech: "Oh."

Drew: "Make sense?"

Photo Tech: "I'm feeling Republican today."

Photo from liumfamily.com

The Handyman

2008-06-06T10:16:00.002-05:00

My father is a great man and has many skills and traits which I have inherited and try to emulate. One of them, however, is not household maintenance and repairs. My dad built me a two tiered water bed with dresser built into it and a play tunnel underneath it - without using a single nail. The guy is an engineer and constructs things for fun, and his general knowledge and usefulness around the house is impressive.

I have none of that. A nail falls out of a board? I need help. Air filters need replacing? It's a half a day project. Picture needs hanging? I don't even try anymore after scarring too many walls.

This part of Minnesota has recently been inundated by big box hardware stores, as I have two Menards, three Home Depots, and two Lowes within a 10 minute radius. I fear these stores and have an anxiety attack just driving by them. Huge monstrosities with millions of parts, pieces, and miscellaneous stuff that I don't know what they do or how to use them. Generally, I step foot in these retailers once a year, when Becky wants to see their Christmas stuff.

Yesterday should have been a disaster. I am home alone as Becky is off at an opthalmic conference out of town, which set the stage for my greatest home repair triumph of all time.

The morning started off innocently enough. I woke up, showered, checked the old fantasy baseball team (still stretching for third), and ate some breakfast. I casually strolled into our downstairs half bath, used the facilities, and went to flush the toilet. I pulled down the handle just as I have for the last three years when all of a sudden I hear a massive SNAP. The toilet does not flush and the handle is dangling from the hole.

My first reaction was to panic. Home alone with no ability to flush the toilet, I might as well board up the door and never return. That plan of action, of course, was foolish. I can't use a hammer and nails let alone deal with acquiring the boards. So, after "some time" I built up the courage to attack the problem. I dismantled the top of the toilet and discovered a fairly simplistic lever and chain mechanism that created the oh so familiar toilet flush. I studied the pieces and even played with the plunger thingy inside until I felt confident in my understanding of how this thing works.

The next step involved replacement parts. Already thinking of having to go inside of these massive stores was causing me shortness of breath. Again, after "some time" I took the plunge, hopped in the $aturn, and picked Menards as my behemoth hardware store of choice. I pulled into the lot and set foot inside trying desperately to look confident enough to know what I was doing so as to avoid the sales clerk who would no doubt know me to be a fraud. A quick reconnaissance of the hanging signs revealed bathroom supplies to the left. I scanned for clerks, avoided the Charleys, and made my way into the four aisles with the much needed ammo required for the toilet.

Menards features no fewer than fifteen different arm and levers for toilets. Damn it. I didn't measure, and only because I have lived there for three years did the fact that the lever was even white somehow register in my forgetful brain. In choosing white levers, I eliminated half the possibilities. So many of them looked so similar. What to do? Wait a moment! Some of them looked a little too similar. Relying on my retail background, I flipped over the package and cross checked UPCs. Just as I suspected! Multiple facings of the same item! Score one for the Walgreens assistant!

I narrowed down the selection to two. One a five dollar arm and lever and the other a three dollar. They looked pretty similar, and I considered buying both to avoid making another trip back. I declined this thought pattern, instead opting to roll the dice on the latter one, gambling that this would be my one and only trip to Menards. I snagged the repair piece and headed to check out.

I again surveyed the land for sales clerks, and I successfully avoided all of them. This excitement though, left me parched and I succumbed to an impulse purchase of a bottle of Dasani near the front check out. I paid and ran like hell back to the $aturn.

Once home, I knew I had not the energy to continue the process. I napped. I cleaned. I ate. I did everything but finish the project. 4pm rolls around, approximately 6 hours after the initial crisis began, and I realized now was the time.

First, I detached what remained of the old lever and chain. My hands got wet, which frightened me that somehow this water was contaminated or something, but I strengthened my resolve in conjuring up memories of having scooped poop off the Walgreens' sales floor. This was nothing.

Second, I had to attach the new lever and chain. A feisty bastard, the hook connecting the chain to the lever was an elusive match. I inadvertently flushed the toilet twice in fiddling with the unifying piece. Eventually, I succeeded. All was one. All looked right.

This, though, was too easy. I knew something had to be in error. There was only one way to know for sure if my half a day, four dollar home repair was a success. I had to use the toilet. So, I did. I stood up took a deep breath and pulled the lever, watching the swirl with greater pride than ever before. The victorious pee left me. I had won.

Subsequently, I went to my local Blockbuster and rented Rambo. I feel manly.

Photo from thisoldhouse.com

Take a little of the top and shave back the conversation

2008-05-29T09:45:00.001-05:00

Is there a better, more gratifying feeling than walking out of the barber shop with a freshly trimmed head of hair? Sure there is, but for the purpose of the blog post, we'll leave it rhetorical.

I dislike haircuts quite a bit. While I appreciate the end result, I dislike the process. The barber shop nearest the house has three barbers, and I have the same problem with all three. I hate the conversation.

When I lived in Plainfield, I did not have this problem. The barbers could contently trim the head without but a few words of pleasantry, not afraid of silence. Better yet was when they got a TV and they spent more attention to the news than on pointless, in-person talk. For five years, I did not appreciate the glorious-ness of that simple, main street barber shop.

No, in Blaine we just have to have a conversation. I'm not much of a socialist to start, but I do have a pretty decent knowledge of current events. I follow sports more than the normal patron, which in a barber shop you would think would be more than enough to get me by for the 20 or so minutes it takes to give me the same haircut I've had. But no, it's never enough. For there are four types of barber shop conversations that I inevitably fall into.

Conversation #1: Where do you work? I'm notoriously bad at discussing this topic. It's not that I hate work, I simply don't like rehashing it with a perfect stranger. Furthermore, just because I work at a pharmacy does not mean I'm a pharmacist.

Conversation #2: Various weather comments. The most neutral and meaningless of topics is that of the weather. If we could just let it go at "it's cold" or "lots of rain" we'd be ok, but there's always carrying on and some type of historical analysis. Furthermore, this is the conversation I have fifty times a day with the customers of Walgreens, and I'm tired of it.

Conversation #3: The great outdoors. By far the most popular of the barber shop conversations, I frequently get asked about hunting, fishing, camping or whatever else these people do in the wilderness. I don't do any of the above, and despite Minnesota having an unofficial holiday whenever the fishing or hunting season begins, I could care less about whatever wild game these men brought home last weekend.

Conversation #4: Barber shop jokes. Usually crude, not that funny, and poorly told. I don't get this one very often, but when I do it's the worst of the four.

And so the other day when I walked into the barber shop, I dreaded the conversation. I figured we'd end up going with #2 as Coon Rapids (next town over) and Hugo (the town over the other direction) were hit with tornadoes this past weekend. Having an account of the storm to share, I figured I was in good shape. I can talk for a little while about my side of the storm, the barber talks about his side, we exchange cash, and I walk out of there unscathed.

Additionally in my favor was a "new" barber in the shop. This guy isn't new, in fact he's the oldest of the bunch who I've seen a couple times filling in whenever one of the regulars is either sick or on vacation. It just so happened that he was the one available, and I was up next.

Since he did not even recognize me as the others in the shop do, we immediately went for conversation #1. Right away, I was asked if I was a pharmacist. He then promptly told me in a roundabout way he doesn't like Walgreens and doesn't go there. He's the second of the barbers who has told me that. Nothing creates an awkward silence like a man with scissors telling you why he doesn't like your place of work.

With all of 60 seconds eaten up with conversation #1, we glided into conversation #2. Sure enough the recent tornadoes came up. I was already to go with my story when he shared that he commutes in thirty minutes to fill in and not only was nowhere near the storm but hadn't seen any of the footage. Damn! Foiled in my attempt to get by with #2.

That naturally slid into #3 as he was not in town because he was at his cabin over the Memorial Day weekend. I then suffered through another fishing account while trying feebly to feign interest and grunt approvals and disgusts at the right moments in the story.

In a surprising twist, he wrapped up the story and began yet another topic. An unforeseen change! A life preserver! The topic? Sports!

Having seen me wear my Valpo t-shirt in, he quickly ascertained that I was an Indiana fan in all things. I told him that despite the shirt, my allegiances were actually for Cleveland. That presented a problem.

He wanted to discuss hockey and Cleveland doesn't have a hockey team. I tried to meet him halfway and say that I had loosely followed the Minnesota Wild this season even going so far as to knowledgeably know that the Wild lost in 6 games in the first round of the playoffs. He shot that down saying he only really liked high school and collegiate hockey. To which we sat in silence for the final three minutes.

At least I was spared conversation#4. And I look good.

Photo from Insiderpages.com

Summer Vacation

2008-05-27T10:25:00.006-05:00

Memorial Day marks the unofficial start to the summer with many school children soon leaving the confines of a school building for the baseball diamond, which will culminate in many zany adventures leading to a major motion picture called The Sandlot. Others will take luxurious vacations to places with beaches and and blue skies. And yet others will keep the local pharmacy open.

But alas, after beginning my trek toward an MBA last summer, I have been kept busy fending off stupid opinions and poor proofreading. Vacations and time off have been rare and when present have always had that "you should be doing school work" guilty feeling ruining what fun may have been had. For the next six weeks, though, things are going to change.

Having just completed my seventh of ten classes toward the degree, I have taken a class period off. Instead of spending the next six weeks mastering some business topic, I will instead merely commute to Walgreens daily. Odd that while still working full time it'll feel like such a break.

Before I left the comfy confines of the University of Phoenix learning forum, I had one last spirited debate that went right up until the end of the class. You'd think that in a class full of emerging business leaders some good ideas might exist on how to solve the economic funk that this country finds itself in. I present to you a new poster, never before featured on Wolfden V. I'll call her Pocahontas.

I do not think that the stimulus payments are an answer to the economic problems facing our country.

Ok, I can start with Pocahontas' premise. The stimulus payments are a hot topic, especially with many checks just now finding their way into tax payers' accounts. So far so good.

Giving the average working american just between $300 - $1,200 extra dollars in a one-time sum just isn't the answer.

I'm normally a stickler for basic writing skills such as capitalization but given the informal message board post, I'll give "american" a pass, even though this was written on Memorial Day.

I am sure the original tax returns received by the majority of tax payers was more than the stimulus payments.

Citing such key data and reports such as "I am sure" the basis for this statement is shady at best. A better start might have been "my skewed, biased, unresearched opinion suggests..." We don't know this statement to be true at all and is quickly soaring to become the basis for a wild argument.

If the government truly wanted to help out the economy & taxpayers why not give taxpayers an additional payment that is equal to their 2007 tax return.

And here it is. The answer to all of the United States' financial woes! Because Pocahontas received a tax refund exceeding her rebate check, the government should employ this solution to save the world. Never mind that this solution is absolutely asinine.

A tax refund is repaying your own money that you over estimated over the course of a year. It is not free money. The government is giving you back what is yours that you shouldn't have paid in the first place. Pocahontas also is failing to take into consideration all of those who have to pay taxes on April 15th and not receive a refund. I'm sure that her plan would involve them paying back into the government twice over, which as economists all know is a brilliant solution to increasing discretionary spending.

Mercifully, it's vacation time.

Photo from Vadeck.com

American Idol 2008

2008-05-22T07:56:00.003-05:00

Here during the morning after come down, I shall make my one American Idol post for the season. A season in which a rocker finally broke through and a season in which the show is revealing signs of fatigue with declining ratings.

We shall start with the conclusion that aired last evening. The thought of a 2 hour results show usually warrants a sigh and a groan from yours truly as these lengthy programs that could air in 10 seconds are typically painful and slow. Last night, however, I didn't look at my watch every thirty seconds. The producers have done well in making the finale a carnival of variety - in essence the Super Bowl of singing. This night is an event, less about the overall winner and first runner up and more about patting the music industry on its back with new talent mixed in with old favorites being exposed to a whole new audience. The program remembers that in the last five minutes it has to announce a winner, but as we've seen from the commercial successes of fourth place finishers, the victory is the exposure the final contestants have received and the chance to market not just their music but a personality and a face to accompany it.

With that said, for the first time in nearly two years, I gave a damn about the outcome. When Daughtry was erroneously booted to become a fourth place finisher in 2006, I quit caring. I still watched the show, but the hollow feeling following a season that saw soon to be appearing on the "where are they now" segment on Entertainment Tonight winner Taylor Hicks was too much to overcome knowing that the best talent didn't even medal. Last year was fine, but I wasn't crazy about any of the contestants. Even this year with a rocker back in the mix of things, I still preferred Daughtry, but hey, that David Cook guy is pretty good, too.

American Idol has three phases a contestant must master in order to win the show, and David Cook won deservedly having conquered all three. The first phase is the audition round in which a singer must persevere through long lines, weary producers, and attention-needy losers. Simply, you must have some level of singing talent. The second phase is the Hollywood round in which a singer must stand out against a slew of other capable singers. Whereas phase one is sifting creme from crap, phase two is trickier as now you must graduate in the top 10% of the lawyer class at Harvard.

David Cook had no trouble with either of these first two phases. Clearly he can sing, though he did have to overcome not even wanting to tryout as his brother was the one who wanted to go to the audition. The second phase wasn't overly grueling either as rockers tend to be in short supply on the show, and a guy singing anything other than Stevie Wonder is bound to sound different. Through two rounds, though, Cook was not a dominant force or a favorite. He was cruising without screwing up as so many do in these early stages. Cool and consistent.

Phase three catapulted Cook from guy in the background to the 2008 American Idol. This phase is the top-12 round. This phase is the most intensive and well rounded of three. No longer can artists get by on simply singing. Instead, they must have a likable personality, songwriting ability, and this season an ability to play a music instrument. The contestant's overall well roundedness propels him/her forward. In this phase, a charming chap like Taylor Hicks can make it further than he probably should, a musical instrument can hide vocal shortcomings such as the crutch the piano and guitar provided for Brooke White and Jason Castro, or reworking songs to sound original like Blake Lewis. Combining all three into a single person creates the 2008 American Idol.

David Cook has the "everyman" likeability factor. He's got the common man rises to fame and fortune story surging strongly for him. His cool demeanor and self confidence stood out against a befuddled David Archuleta, apathetic Castro, or constantly crying White. Cook could play the guitar which made it easy to picture him as the lead singer of tomorrow's hot rock band, but he didn't need the guitar to excel. The area in which Cook most definitely stood out was his songwriting ability. Whereas many of these contestant love to sing and can very well, American Idol has become a show in which originality lacks and those artists who have the ability to cover a song stand out. Cook had lots of help covering covers, which may or may not be as original as the audience may take it for, but when Idol fans remember stand out performances for originality, "Hello" and "Billy Jean" are at the top of that list. In short, Cook had a personality, played an instrument, and could cover a song like no other singer. No one would have said at the end of round one or two that Cook was the guy to beat, but the dominating way in which he handled phase three is the reason why his face graces the top of this blog post and countless other less prestigious media outlets this morning.

With that said, first runner up David Archuleta was probably the better singer. The kid had an uncanny ability to turn it on when he took the stage. When not singing he was a pip squeak of a kid awkwardly standing in the front of the class, but with a band and a microphone, he was damn good. He outperformed Cook in the finale and had the backing of the judges to win it all. He's a prodigy of a talent, and I fully believe that if he were on the show last year, he would have left Lewis and Jordin Sparks in his wake. It's been replayed quite a bit, but "Imagine" was one helluva performance.

The rest of the field also returned for the final show, which was a nice reminder of what was a very strong top 12. David Hernandez busted out a few moves that made us remember his origins. Amanda Overmyer being forced to dance in line with the top 6 females was a reminder of her very non-traditional techniques. Kristy Lee Cook who actually improved as she went on before ultimately being exposed as being over her head got in her few lines, sounding and looking great in the process. Syesha Mercado who just missed out on making the finale as an active contestant had a self-confidence about her that made her a capable partner for Seal and Donna Summer.

Of the returning group, I am of the opinion that the Michael Johns and Carly Smithson duet and walk down the stage stairs was most memorable. At the start of the process, these two would have been my pick for the finale. Both having had record deals before, they were more polished than the other contestants with distinct voices and strong stage presence. Johns suffered from never finding his niche and probably contributed to Cook winning the whole show when a similar fan base likely flocked from one rocker to another. Smithson was the dominant female voice on the show but had trouble in a variety of categories from wardrobe, to over singing, to caring too much what the judges said, to a rash that appeared to be overtaking her right arm. Overall, these two couldn't quite get it together and instead of a sing-off were instead relegated to a couple lyrics and then the fade into the background.

Despite greatly enjoying this season and the two part finale, I did have a few gripes with the season that I would be unfairly glossing over if I didn't comment on them.

For starters, the quality of judging is deteriorating rapidly. Much has been made of Paula Abdul's snafu in judging a song that has never been song. While the reasons for the boo-boo were later made public (last second changes, dress rehearsal viewing, etc.), it still was baffling that she couldn't tell what was live television and what wasn't. Be that as it may, no one expects anything from her and usually we get nothing in return. Yay for mediocrity. If she didn't follow Randy Jackson and have his comments to gently rework, I don't know if she is capable of an independent, original thought.

And Randy Jackson isn't necessarily a great judge to be echoing. The yo-yo-yo-yo-yo dawg shtick is really tiring on me. Sometimes he has something worthwhile to say which is fine, but the blithering start to his comments is frustratingly irrelevant. Then in the grandest moment of the season, Jackson used the "you could sing the phone book" cliche that if I hear one more time I will claw off my ears. Not only is that cliche stupid, it has been used countless times this season to describe Archuleta. Why not come up with something, ANYTHING different in the way of unique thought or descriptive adjective. Sorry dawg, not feeling it.

Mercifully, producers have said that next season the weekly result show will be scaled back from one hour to two. Those results shows are painfully long. Bring out the contestants, parade them around, remind everyone for the umpteenth time what they sang, take commercials, and have a couple mentors sing. All I need to know is who survived and who is out. Fortunately, we have 30 fewer minutes next year to do just that.

Overall, I loved this season as the diverse talent and optimal outcome contributed to what I thought was the best round of American Idol that I have seen. The minor flaws would appear in any show, especially after seven seasons of a predictable, yet undeniably successful formula. David Cook is a worthy champion who we'll see in a 3 minute performance at next year's finale. I just hope that's not the first or last we see of him in the meantime.

Photo from People.com

Blow up about the blow ups

2008-05-08T08:30:00.002-05:00

I know I am a day or two late on this, but I have the day off, and dammit, I want to write about baseball.

The Chicago White Sox, much like everyone else in the AL Central, aren't very good. Specifically, they can't hit, and so the logical way to deal with this problem was to bring a couple of blow up dolls into the clubhouse in a Major League movie-esque way of ridding the team of the bad voodoo spells plaguing the South Siders.

My question is a question I'm sure that a great many individuals have and that is how does Ozzie Guillen still have a job after this?

The man has shown over the years he is ignorant with the slurs and rants he liberally throws around, and this blow up doll incident shouldn't shock too many that it occurred on his watch. He could apologize and this would be brushed under the rug as "Ozzie doing his thing," but he has instead decided to be combative as usual:

"I'm not going to say I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I can't come up with the words, because as soon as I say that, that means I'm guilty of something. I'm not. I'm not guilty. ... We just had a plastic thing sitting on a table and, wow, we're bad people."

The situation has been described by those defending it as "boys being boys" and "it's in the locker room." Even my beloved morning radio show applauded Ozzie for giving the finger to the politically correct and overly sensitive.

What era are these people living in?

How is it that a couple blow up dolls represent the best manner in which to express anything? This is an incident just months after Isiah Thomas, the New York Knicks, and Madison Square Garden were found liable for creating a sexually charged sporting situation. While this Chicago incident didn't involve a specific individual against whom the wrong was done, the legal term is "hostile work environment" by which the employer can be held responsible for negligence in matters just such as these. Encouraging, permitting or even turning a blind eye to this type of behavior puts the entire organization at risk for legal liability. This is to say nothing of the stupid moral behavior this exhibits, though, I understand that's a subjective argument that is difficult to argue or defend.

I know that winning the 2005 World Series and ending centuries of Chicago suffering create a safety net for job security. Since then, however, the White Sox haven't exactly torn it up. 3rd place in 2006, 4th place in 2007, and 2 games under .500 here in 2008. All the while, Guillen throws his weekly temper tantrum, good taste be damned. Even his boss, General Manager Ken Williams knows he's a moron:

"He has a great opportunity to have a voice, not just in baseball but in sports. And I worry sometimes the language he chooses to use sometimes misses the mark on the intent of the message."

But what does it take to fire a man who "misses the mark" so very frequently while continually drawing negative attention to the White Sox team and putting the entire organization in legal jeopardy with the situation screaming "hostile work environment?" The club's performance is deteriorating in such a way since that high in 2005 that Guillen can't rely on that World Series win to save his position. If I were Ken Williams, I'd have taken this most recent blow up doll incident and taken all three of them out to the dumpster.

Photo from the Daily Illini Blog

I'm going to say what I need to say

2008-05-05T07:38:00.005-05:00

These are slow times at Wolfden V. With Joe Borowski on the DL, I have no goat to pin the blame for the Cleveland Indians' struggles. With a somewhat competent learning team this class at the University of Phoenix, I have no irritatingly ignorant writings to critique. Oh wait, I sorta do.

In high school, I was music crazy. I was all about lists and rankings and whatnot. While many of the lists put Metallica, Nirvana, and Green Day atop whatever musical category I wished to measure, the high school gang did have one other type of list. That list was worst song out there. Now, I must say that the pool of qualifying songs were only those that my beloved 106.7 The End, New Orleans New Rock station played.

Every time a "worst" list came up for any reason, Tal Bachman's "She's So High" topped the chart. I hated and still hate that song. I think it's absolutely horrible, and why it somehow ended up on a rock station is baffling and likely the reason that 106.7 is no longer with us (a hurricane might also have played a small role, too). But Tal Bachman, that one hit wonder, was always the worst. The Beastie Boys threatened with a slew of crap to dethrone Bachman, but not even "Body Movin'" could supplant Tal's big "Ooohhhhhh yeeeeeahhh."

While my musical horizons have been broadened (not much), I frequently listen to the HOT AC format as the station of compromise when driving around with Becky. A nice slew of Goo Goo Dolls and 3 Doors Down mix in with that Fergie chick and the eighteen artists/bands who sound like John Mayer (pictured above being kneed in the groin). It is the latter who now threatens Tal Bachman's place for worst song ever on my radio.

I've never cared for John Mayer. I think he's whiny and horribly superficial with his puffy pop. That said, I've never had a tremendous distaste for him either, as he has a niche and when the rest of the radio is trying to sound like you, clearly you've done something well. He's always just kinda been there. Perhaps the best word I can use to describe him is "eh."

But now, I have something I need to say. And that is that "Say What You Need to Say" is one of the worst songs of all-time. How a song that urges such critically important dialogue manages to say nothing at all is of great quandary. The gist of the song is that Mayer repeats the title non-stop for a grueling 4 minutes. It became such a joke to me and my radio sharing wife that she decided to count just how many times the phrase is repeated.

37 freaking times.

It's as if Mayer isn't even trying to write lyrics. He's laying around his studio too lazy to come up with anything creative and instead got stuck on a potentially good concept only to repeat it a thousand times while thinking of something else to write. This is a guy who's been linked to Jennifer Anniston and Cameron Diaz who are no doubt swept up with his profound take on life. 37 times!

I'm not sure that I'm quite ready to kick Bachman off the lofty perch of most awfulest terriblest song, but if KS 95 insists on continuing to play this crap every time Becky and I are in the car, I may just have to cave in and listen to Becky's country station.

Hmm, on second thought, that's just not going to happen. Ever.

Photo from USA Today

Univerisity of Phoenix Drama!!!

2008-04-15T20:07:00.004-05:00

Oooh! Exciting developments! Developments worthy of multiple exclamation points!!!

My trials and tribulations with the University of Phoenix have been well chronicled on this forum. But there is one incident that has escalated into a fun, typing feud. For those that recall Valpo's Student Senate, I definitely compare that experience with this one. This is an incident in which I am firmly in the right, and people want to debate that fact. What follows is wordy bliss!

Let me take you back in time, dear reader. A week ago, my team had its second team paper due for our course. One of the team members - we'll call him Sean for no particular reason - decided to cut and paste 90% of his contribution to the first team paper and submit it to the group for his contribution to the second team paper. Sean hoped no one would notice, but the acute, ever proofreading eye of Mr. Wolfman noticed this incredibly obvious cut and paste. I said as much to the team.

My original post to the team:

Sean,

I was hesitant yet silent when you mentioned that you wanted to research the same two companies as our first paper. What you have submitted is almost completely word-for-word what was in the first paper with a few sentences at the end throwing in a new twist. I think these sections need reworking to at least show some additional thought or research went into the paper and that we are not cutting and pasting from old documents at a master's level course.

-Drew

A full day passed in which every member of the team posted a new comment to the team forum and none of whom bothered to even acknowledge my comment or the fact that a major incident had taken place. Now close to the deadline, I realized that nothing was going to happen and posted a follow-up.

If we as a team are going to ignore the issue I brought forth last night regarding cutting and pasting, so be it. I still find this to be a severe breach of any type of academic standards, but if it is going to remain in the paper as is, it should at least be cited appropriately. Using a previous paper, one must cite himself and his previous paper compliant to APA standards. At the very least, the reader, in this case the professor, has the right to know where the material was originally published.

-Drew

The paper was submitted, and my name yet again was attached to a paper that would have failed Mr. Nelson's 10th grade English class. So it goes. The professor opted to give Sean a separate grade from the rest of the team, and I do not know what the grade was. I hope he failed miserably.

For the class, we are required to post to the class a final summary of what we learned, liked, disliked, or otherwise experienced. An open forum if you will.

Sean's profound class summary?

Its finally over, believe it or not it seems like we just started last week. The past 6 weeks have gone fast but been very informative. I enjoyed the class and hope to see you all again in future classes.

Getting past whatever the hell that first sentence was (part run-on, part fragment), you see that there was a whole lot of nothing in the overall message. My final summary weighed in at a cool 487 words offering pros and cons of various course features. The part relevant to Sean follows:

The group papers were again largely unnecessary. I don't know that they were so educational that they were/are worth the stresses and hassles of coordinating schedules and pain staking unification. While they do allow a glimpse into other companies that we as a team would otherwise be unexposed to, I don't know that a team paper is the best forum for this information. A discussion thread amongst the class or even the team would have been a better medium, particularly given the lazy tendencies of certain team members.

Apparently Sean's guilty conscious got the best of him - that and my nameless jab. He felt the need to reply to my class summary in the most glorious of fashions.

Once again you over analyze everything and make something out of nothing. Complain, complain, complain...that seems to be what you should have mastering in....

I was giddy when I saw that answer. Unprofessional, incorrect verb tense, and AN EMOTICON! Absolutely stunning. That simple answer was such a perfect microcosm for Sean's entire effort. Of course, I had to respond.

It's unfortunate for this outburst of unprofessional comments (though the emoticon was an especially nice touch). I never mentioned you by name, Sean, but the overwhelming discrepancy in effort between group members was tremendously egregious. In a true academic setting, cutting and pasting from one paper to another would be grounds for failure of the entire course. Truth be told, I was as concerned that the group was apathetic toward the whole event as I was the original effortless second submission.

The incident in this class was a reinforcement of previous classes which have been full of disappointing group experiences where the team setting did not produce the results, I believe, that could have been achieved through other forms of learning. I attempted to convey this fact with other positives of this class, which you clearly took as a personal attack. I will not go so far as to say it wasn't, but it was not the main point of the final summary.

-Drew

Bye, bye Sean. Bye, bye. :)

Photo from SunnyValeChristianSchool First Grade Page

Joe Blows (Save): Part II

2008-04-15T05:45:00.003-05:00

I normally am limited to a review of Cleveland's box score, but with the Indians featured on ESPN's Monday Night Baseball game of the week, I had an opportunity to see the final few innings. With a 4-3 lead heading into the bottom of the 9th, I had a first hand look at the man, the myth, the legend: Joe Borowski. I watched as his blazing 83mph fast ball danced down the middle of the plate to Manny Ramirez who socked it for a game winning home run. I also watched as Jon Papelbon came on and threw change ups at 89mph past Cleveland's hitters. Yes, his slow pitch is 6mph faster than the fastest pitch Joe can throw.

A review of last night's Joe Borowski appearance:

2/3 of an inning; 4 hits; 3 earned runs; 1 HR allowed; and (gasp!) a blown save.

Taking a look at his season statistics:

18.00 ERA and a WHIP of 2.75. Oh yeah, blown save #2.

I realize that my dislike of Joe Borowski is overwhelming, but at what point do the Indians HAVE to make a change. He isn't good, he wasn't good, and something (anything) has to change in the 9th inning.

Photo from ESPN.com

Idol Gives Back

2008-04-09T21:06:00.003-05:00

I enjoy American Idol. This fact is no secret to you, dear readers. Last night, however, was a departure from the normal format of sing and sling someone. Last night was the now annual charity show where a parade of superstars plead for funds to help the individuals in a pretaped video displaying human beings somewhere in the 6th rung of hell.

I have really mixed feelings on the show. I watched most of it while typing another extraordinarily awesome University of Phoenix paper, and I came away without that heart tugging, please take all my money guilty feeling that a show of this stature is supposed to invoke.

For starters, the benefiting party was scattered among all walks of life. While everyone featured needed a helping hand, some needed it much more so than others. I have way more sympathy for the plight of a starving child in Uganda who was born into a horrible situation, will forever be stuck into that horrible situation due to lack of resources, and will likely die a very young death because of an uncontrollable plight of life. These individuals I feel for and would donate for.

On the other hand, a significant amount of footage featured those in the United States that could use a little boost. Hanna Montana took us on a tour of Clay County and Brad Pitt and Reese Witherspoon (a picture of course necessary) pleaded for funds to rebuild New Orleans. The video then showed a single father of three and in a separate story a single mother of four having a difficult go of it. I realize that I have been incredibly blessed in life to have the resources and situation that I have, but I have a difficult time comparing a poor person in the United States with a poor person in "insert any one of the many third world countries" Africa.

They are completely different ballgames. Those in the United States have food, shelter, education, and an opportunity to advance to a better place. I understand that they will have to overcome obstacles and the deck is stacked against them, but as compared to third world countries, even the poorest Americans are rich. As such, I find it difficult to donate to a lump cause. I want my funds to go to those in the most dire of situations, and I just don't feel that those in the United States compare to those in Africa.

My second issue with last night's program came with the way and the persons asking for contributions. Rob Schneider is apparently still alive and relevant enough to land a place on the star studded charity show. In his brief appearance he threw in a joke that Bono has enough money to fix half of Africa, but we the audience were needed for the other half.

It was somewhat funny but somewhat true. I don't mean to pick on Bono as he has done plenty - like him or not - to advance the cause of those in horrible situations. But, the man can do way more with his pen and his checkbook than 100,000 of us offering $10 or $20 increments. If all the stars on the show wanted to get serious about it, they could be making donations that would put the rest of us to shame.

Miley Cyrus spent time talking to some school children about how much she likes computers, which was an indirect appeal to the children that adore her to contribute whatever they can to this good cause. Teaching children the value of charity and sharing money is an incredibly valuable concept, but each kid watching the show could empty their piggy bank with less an effect than Cyrus buying a computer for every school kid in Kentucky without so much as a dent on her earnings. Again, I struggle with the concept because it passes the buck onto the most fortunate, alleviating the responsibility of all people to help those in need. That notwithstanding, seeing someone with so much beg and plead with those less than they to give money does provide a hollow sense of urgency.

In all, American Idol did a great thing. They used their power and influence to raise funds for those who are in desperate situation. They provided a medium for those who wanted to and who were moved to, to improve the lives of other people in tremendous need. However, the wide brush of need causes me to feel as if the charitable focus is lacking, and the rich asking for money from middle class America rubbed me as questionable. The overall pull thus was lacking and perhaps not what it could otherwise have been.

Oh, and The Office is back tonight.

Photo from etonline.com

Early season Joe watch

2008-04-08T06:17:00.002-05:00

Perhaps you, the astute baseball fan, noticed that Torri Hunter's rally-monkey pleasing walk-off grand slam, propelling the Anaheim Angels to victory was slugged off of the mighty Joe Borowski.

A quick look of the statistics:
19.29 ERA, runs allowed in two of three outings, 4 walks in 2.1 IP, and 2 HRs allowed

Opening Day 2008

2008-04-01T05:19:00.007-05:00

The gloriousness of Opening Day! A day when hope fills baseball stadiums and fans' hearts everywhere. An opportunity to forget ALCS disasters and think of redemption. A chance for the Kansas City Royals to lay claim to first place. A wonderful, glorious day.

Yes, the wonderfulness of Opening Day spread to Minneapolis where I attended my very first live and in person season starter. The bright sunshine, the freshly cut grass. Ahhh. Heavenly.

Those would have been great, but there was a blizzard in Minneapolis yesterday. A suburb just south of here received eight inches of snow, and the wind blowing at 20 miles per hour made it a pleasant stroll into the Metrodome. People came into the dome drenched from the big wet flakes, rosy cheeked from the gusts between skyscrapers, and shoes soaked from the slop just to get inside. Ah yes, Opening Day in Minnesota. Only 161 more home games until we do this outdoors in the new stadium.

But alas, the game! The excitement! Having commuted straight from work at 30 mph through a sea of red break lights, I was eager to discover the outcome of the Indians' first game. The Metrodome's scoreboard revealed a 10-8 victory over the White Sox. A fine start to the baseball evening.

The Twins took the field to a rousing ovation. An ovation of 45,000+ who said weather be damned it's time to play ball. It was the biggest Twins crowd in nearly a decade and they warmly welcomed back former favorite son Torri Hunter who was greeted to a standing ovation both during staring line-up announcements and his first at bat. Perhaps best of all was the left field banner spanning an entire row that said "Welcome home Torri" to which Hunter, the Angels new center fielder, tipped his hat and smiled. Naturally, the fans booed loudly when Torri made his first catch, retiring a Twins batter in the early innings, and then cheered a little extra loudly when Joe Nathan struck him out in the 9th. Easy come, easy go.

I saw a ball hit the PA speaker high above the Metrodome. Having read about just such a scenario in one of those baseball teasers, I was thrilled to have seen it happen in person and on the first batter of the Twins' season no less. Chris Gomez popped it high above home plate and Jered Weaver ran around, flailing about in a failed attempt to make the grab. I love seeing something new at every game.

Gomez and other new outfielder new comer Delmon Young looked really sharp. Gomez in particular lit up the stadium with his impressive speed (2 stolen bases and 1 bunt single) with Young driving in a few runs in the middle of the Twinkies' line-up. Heck, even Livan Hernandez looked good, even though it's still amazing he's an opening day starter.

In all, a glorious wonderful day that could and would not be ruined by Mother Nature. The Twins took care of business with a 3-2 victory, bringing them into a first place tie with your AL Central leading Cleveland Indians. Projections now have the Twins and Tribe finishing 162-0, which has to be some type of record or something.

Photos from WCCO.com that also features a lovely weather related story and additional pictures from the snow storm and Kare11.com

Easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl

2008-03-27T16:28:00.004-05:00

In five years with my current employer, I have experienced a great many trials and tribulations. Until this week, however, I have never had the pleasure of the repeated overnight shift.

I have always worked at the traditional 8am-10pm store that has a definite opening and ending time. On occasion, I have worked overnights in an attempt to better the store condition, catch up during the busy holiday time, or to keep our Russian floor cleaning crew company as they strip the tiles. While I have not been transferred to one of our many 24 locations, I have, for the first time in my Walgreens career, begun a span of five consecutive overnight shifts.

The purpose? You've never seen a cosmetic wall with such beauty as the one that I, along with four other of my teammates, have ever constructed. Ok, well, you probably will if you visit your local Walgreens in the next couple of weeks. The process involves taking every lipstick, eye shadow, make-up, and other miscellaneous cosmetic item that you didn't know existed off the wall, installing all new fixtures, repricing the new items, and putting graphics in highlighting the wonderful aspect of each product. My team consists of five members from five stores, and we visit each store to tear apart their cosmetic wall and reinstall it by morning before you the customer can say "crap in the aisle."

My body clock is incredibly screwy at the moment, which is the obvious drawback to such a schedule. I don't remember falling asleep this morning at 7am. I was watching an episode of The Office one moment and the next Becky is telling me she's off to work for the day. There's 20 minutes of my life that are unaccounted for, and I blame aliens. My typical breakfast of peanut butter toast still is tasty upon first waking up, even if that's at 2pm. I have a hard time telling what the day of the week is as I start work on one day and finish on a different day - giving "yesterday" an odd meaning.

In all, this experience of which I am two nights out of five into has been an interesting exercise and completely throwing off any semblance of a normal schedule. I don't envy those who do this regularly and will be happy when it's over. But, I can say that this slew of overnight shifts has allowed me repeated opportunities to become familiar, nay an expert at, all things Cover Girl and Rimmel. That's right, Beauty Adviser Drew to your assistance.

Photo from here.

University of Phoenix on MLB

2008-03-24T17:45:00.002-05:00

Having been away from my computer all weekend, I missed out on valuable discussion time in my class. Just before my temporary schooling hiatus, I had initiated discussion on whether mergers and monopolies were bad for consumers and companies. I used Major League Baseball as a defense as to why monopolies can be good. While we enjoy baseball, having two competing leagues with watered down products is not something I as a consumer would want, instead preferring to pay a potentially inflated price to view (consume) the only baseball product out there.

A series of interesting posts ensued with members of the class taking both sides of the argument. Most had rational reasoning, some pointed out that the industry was unique and thus a bad example, and another, well, he offered this gem to the conversation. I post the entire response to avoid being accused of taking any of this profound insight out of context.

Baseball is the greatest game ever, my only problem with baseball is the CEO Bud Selig. This guy is a moron who should be fired. With the steroids and the white collar mentality that the majority of owners as well as the CEO is starting to ruin the game. The game needs an owner like Mark Cuban who would turn the game around like he did with the Dallas Mavericks.

On the edge

2008-03-17T18:15:00.004-05:00

As I waste my evening stooping down to the lower intellectual level of my classmates yet again, I offer you some evidence of why it is I am losing my mind. I present to you the "final" draft of an individual who begins "our" group paper with the following stunning introduction:

"Lester Electronics is a company on the edge. On the edge of ruining the company with a merger to Shang-wa electronics or creating a manufacturing giant."

Photo from Durham-nc.com

Must see mascot brawling

2008-03-14T08:08:00.005-05:00

I may have mentioned once that I don't care for Oral Roberts University. Ok twice. So maybe three times. Oh and then there was that one post titled Kinda Smells Like Urine.

As I left work yesterday, I found that Trampoline Bear quitter JR had given me a buzz. A return call was not met with a "hello" or a "how are you?" Rather, the ringing stopped and I was quickly informed, "There's video of Eli the Eagle fighting the IUPUI mascot."

I, of course, could not allow this occasion to pass without posting and mention. The above YouTube video covers the fight as well as comically interviewing a local mascot about the incident. I love sticking a microphone in the face of a man in a giant animal suit that is not able to talk. Great stuff.

Don't be fooled by the local feed or the edited clips, Eli the Eagle is completely to blame here. Word I have is that he shoplifted from a local Walgreens, snatched a ladies' purse, trampled small children, and punched a grandmother celebrating her 95th birthday right in the face. The IUPUI mascot was merely trying to avenge these wrongs and bring this villainous force to justice.

But before I could joyously leap to my computer and post this video clip, I happened upon another (and really there have to be hundreds of them) article blasting my least favorite Oklahoma University.

I'll link to it here, but I'll give you the highlights:

-Writer Steve Warden on the Oral Roberts cheerleaders:
"The word “classless” comes to mind."

-Writer Steve Warden on Oral Roberts in general:
"No wonder several of the Summit League folks I’ve talked with don’t care for Oral Roberts."

-Oakland women's basketball coach Beckie Francis on Oral Roberts University buying the rights to host the tournament and the obvious unfair advantage this creates:
"Quite frankly, I’m sick of being the No. 1 seed and playing on someone else’s court. Last year they closed the school and brought the entire town. It seems a little unfair, and maybe I shouldn’t be saying this, but it feels weird where you’re the No. 1 seed and you’re playing in someone’s backyard."

No, Coach Francis, it's okay. Everyone knows it, and everyone feels it. It's healthy to let it out. Oral Roberts University smells like poo.

Tasty politics

2008-03-13T20:28:00.001-05:00

Some time ago, I wrote a piece asking the reading public their thoughts on potentially racist tendencies. As I tend to be, I was ahead of the times bringing forward an interesting question facing today's Democratic candidates. Is it racist to point out trends having to do with race?

Geraldine Ferraro, who Becky informed me was an important person in politics before I started caring about politics and who also makes me think of delicious chocolate (above) that retails at a high price, pointed out that Obama's campaign was successful because he was black.

Is that such a controversial comment? I can see where it is interpreted that black individuals don't care enough about the individual candidates and will only vote on skin color, which makes it borderline at best. On the other hand, is it so wrong to vote for someone that looks like the majority? After all, the Caucasian majority in this country has voted for a Caucasian every single Presidential election.

The problem, of course, is that these are all superficial reasons for voting for someone. And that's pretty stupid in the end. Shouldn't we care more about the message than the color or sex of the one giving the message?

We probably should, but we probably don't.

"As has been the case in many primary states, Obama won overwhelming support from African-American voters. They went for him over Clinton 91-9 percent...But Mississippi white voters overwhelmingly backed the New York senator, supporting her over Obama 72 percent to 21 percent."

This quote from CNN.com and it sure does make it tough to blame Geraldine Ferraro for saying her piece. The numbers sure support what she said, regardless of how hard it may be to hear.

Photo from ShoppingatRediff.com

With .90 degree of certainty, calculate the probability that x is within two standard deviations of the mean

2008-03-12T18:37:00.003-05:00

Hello. Remember me?

After six weeks, I have returned. Why the long wait for fresh new Wolfden V material? Simply, you can blame MBA 510 - Managerial Decision Making. As good and arrogant as I am about writing circles around my fellow classmates, calculating statistical answers to in-depth questions quickly levels the playing field. Alas, I persevered and can answer any z-table, t-table, f-table, chi-square, or linear regression questions you may have. I won't guarantee that I will answer them correctly, but I guarantee to answer them. I'm such a math nerd now, that the colorful diagram above of the normal distribution makes sense to me.

The absence from the site caused me to miss out on wonderful topics such as Milwaukee trips, Oral Roberts successes, primary fun, wild Walgreens stories, and more cold weather maps. I'm not going to post "I'll write more soon" because I have no idea how this next class will be and would not want to break hearts in the process. However, I am alive and well and I have not forgotten about you.

Photo from Comfsm.fm

Wide Right! Wide Right! New York Giants Win Super Bowl

2008-02-04T10:04:00.000-05:00

It is done. It's over. Everyone go home.

The Super Bowl has wrapped up, but what would one of the greatest upsets in the history of sports be without a small-time blog offering some perspective and reflection? (Rhetorical of course)

Let's start with the game (hosted in my school's stadium...no not Brown Field HA!- The University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona) itself. The low-scoring, defensive minded effort stunned everyone. Any predictions had the Patriots nearing 100 points and those that did pick the Giants had them around 35 to offset the greatest offense in the history of the NFL. Despite both teams scoring on their opening drives, New England and New York barely managed to break 30 points combined.

I confess I was pulling for the Patriots simply for the fact that Belichick used to coach the Browns, and that in turn is the closest my beloved Cleveland franchise has ever been to Super Sunday. Sure he's a poorly dressed, socially deficient cheater, but damn it, he won our last playoff game way back in 1912.

I can't say that I was devastated with the outcome, as I was really more ho-hum than my Belichick allegiance might suggest, but it was disappointing. The wheels had slowly been falling off the New England wagon for some time with those 50 point blowouts from the early weeks of the season becoming a distant memory by the time regular season near losses to Baltimore and New York rounded out the campaign. Come the playoffs, Brady and Company weren't looking as sharp, and finally the rest of the league caught up to them.

The Giants' dominance of the Patriots' offensive line has to be the game storyline. New England could not run the football (Maroney 14 carries 36 yards) and Brady had little time to throw the football. Even when Terrific Tom did have a chance, he looked horrible and far from the 3-time Super Bowl experienced quarterback. He was throwing five feet over receivers' heads on quick outs. Hell, one throw one a deep ball to Moss was so far under thrown that it didn't even land on camera, which is to say nothing of the ball that bounced to a receiver in the first half. I don't know that it was an ankle issue, but Brady looked like I would have expected Eli Manning to have.

Speaking of Lil Eli, he's one lucky QB. I am not at all jumping on the "he won the big game and now he's an elite quarterback" bandwagon. The crap that he was throwing up on that final drive was terrible. Back foot, wobbling ducks throughout the final drive that should have been intercepted about three times over some how, some way fell into the arms of his receivers. That Tyree kid made an exceptional catch, much like Asante Samuel did not. The Giants did have a secret weapon, and it's unquestionably what led them to victory.

Bananas!

A hard hitting sideline report informed viewers that the Giants had a crate of bananas delivered to them at halftime. Fox cameras soon found a bunch of bananas sitting on the bench waiting for consumption. The report revealed that New York was cramping and the potassium rich fruit would save the day.

What the hell? Banana Bowl?

After the game, ESPN covered the game from all angles including Keyshawn Johnson's neck. A boa constrictor (may have been an effeminate scarf) wrapped its body around Johnson neck. If I were the snake, I probably would have slithered toward Emmitt Smith and his subject-verb challenged sentences, but hey, to each their own.

The final segment I saw on Sportscenter had 1972 Miami Dolphin running back Mercury Morris bawling and boasting over the outcome. Look, if I were a member of that team, I would be happy that my record remained unbroken as one of the greatest in sports. But, come on, if it falls it falls. It's been nearly 40 years, and another team sharing the spotlight dampens not the original accomplishment. Clinging a little too hard, Mercury. Time to let it go, man.

Finally, Becky liked the horsie commercials. I preferred the Charlie Brown balloon. Still waiting for Terry Tate's return.

Photo from Dailyillini.com and Neobeans.com

Happy Birthday

2008-01-31T22:22:00.000-05:00

Wolfden V is one year old today. To celebrate, I offer you this no doubt delicious dark chocolate (is there any other kind?) cake.

Photo from j and l products.com

When I grow up I want to be a weather man

2008-01-30T06:05:00.001-05:00

Oddly enough, Valpo's meteorology program is one of the primary reasons I went to that school. Now, I merely cut and paste colorful pictures revealing obscene temperature swings and brutal cold. Not like there's a Walgreens truck to unload or anything. And it's not like it was freaking 45 degrees the other day.

Images from weather.com

I took a dump today!

2008-01-28T22:27:00.000-05:00

It was THIS big!

(Standing ovation)

I never understood of the State of the Union's repeated interruption for unnecessary applause. I also do not understand how people in the House chamber can fall asleep when the most powerful man in the world addresses them. Furthermore, I do not understand a Democratic response that includes "let's get a good night's sleep."

I just don't get politics. It could be that I'm still trying to figure out who the President is after Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and now George W. Bush have all made a play for the position. Where's Tornado Tom when you need him?

Photo from State.gov

Seriously?

2008-01-19T07:17:00.000-05:00

From Weather.com

The Baby Primary

2008-01-12T10:44:00.000-05:00

Personally, I think this would have been a marvelous time for a sticker that says "don't abort me" to reveal itself on the baby's behind leading to both a comical reference to the diaper's contents as well as an awkward photo for Hillary.

Anyway, I am not above plugging another website when it deserves special attention. While I hate to do it too frequently lest I show my own unoriginality and inability to deliver fresh new content, sometimes a site simply deserves a link.

The gentlemen to whom I will now send you shows the same irreverence for this election that I thus far have. The gist of the piece is that the he lives in New Hampshire and made it a point to have his new born baby daughter photographed with every major Presidential candidate. While someday it will be a great picture for the little one to be held by the future President, the father's willingness to thrust his child through a crowd adorned in whatever candidate's stickers the situation warrants strikes me as absolutely terrific. Drew Junior - in your unconceived state - beware.

Photo from Slate.com

The United States falls in political coup

2008-01-09T08:43:00.001-05:00

So just a few days ago, I made a post congratulating the next President of the United States Barack Obama and his second in command Mike Huckabee. So much has changed...

All was well with the good ol' U.S. of A. Times were peaceful, the streets safer, and the harvest plentiful. The country - nay the world - was grateful to the meaningless state of Iowa for properly taking it upon themselves and choosing the leaders of the free world. The campaign commercials subsided and news programs struggled to find stories to fill the time allotted, eventually opting to move toward bears falling out of trees.

But now, a mere five days later, the world is in chaos. Invest in gold and grab your shotguns, we've got an old fashioned political coup. Seems that always feisty state of New Hampshire rejected Iowa (go figure) and decided to elect their own Presidents. Cars are driving into one another in horrific accidents, the fertile fields are flooding, geese are flocking to Cooperstown, and worst of all, no one can sell a home!

These are troubled times, my friends. We've taken the greatest social evolution for granted as no longer can we bank on a peaceful transfer of power. Beware the McCain-Clinton cyborg army and take solace in the one remaining constant in the universe.

Photo from CNN

Contender reeeeeady! Gladiator reeeeeady!

2008-01-08T18:57:00.000-05:00

Uncle Don!

This menacing 6'4", 250 lbs. drink of water is my absolute favorite part of the new American Gladiators. I find it wonderful that one of my relatives made fame and fortune and that any contender who dares cross paths with Wolf will no doubt receive a ferocious bite. That and he looks like a wolf. Or a vampire. I did enjoy the crowd laughing at him when he said he "smelled fear." We'll have to work on family trademark infringement with references to him being the Wolfman, which we all know is he not the family Wolfman.

The show isn't that great once you get past the nostalgia that has transformed the old version into Emmy award winning TV that it really never was. Laila Ali isn't much of a host offering such hard hitting question as "that was really great," which of course isn't a question. The camera shots are unnecessarily fast and furious that when interspersed with crowd cheering shots in the middle of a 30 second competition make it impossible to follow what action there is.

But it's not all bad. The eliminator is pretty nifty even if a wall of fire hovering above a pool is completely unnecessary and merely a pretty TV shot. Overall though, I love the water everywhere and cannot wait for a contestant who can't swim to go tumbling backwards. Hulk Hogan is a part of the program, which alone makes it totally awesome. While I didn't see it this evening, I want to see a gladiator go flying in assault. And we've already covered gladiator-family member Wolf.

In all, it's fine. I can't say I'll be setting Tivo to watch every show. For one, I don't have Tivo and for two the show is not on the same level as say The Office. But, with the writer's strike, NBC could do worse to fill their Monday nights.

Photo from American Gladiators

How many of these are in your home right now?

2008-01-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

I saw an interesting piece on the top ten best selling CDs in the SoundScan era (the electronic tracker of sales which began in 1991). The angle of the article I read was that if current sales trends continue, Metallica will top this list in a few years. Take that Shania! Naturally, I was excited being that it is my all-time favorite CD. The others for your amusement:

01. Come On Over - SHANIA TWAIN (15,449,000)
02. Metallica - METALLICA (15,077,000)
03. Jagged Little Pill - ALANIS MORISSETTE (14,557,000)
04. Millennium - BACKSTREET BOYS (12,099,000)
05. Bodyguard Soundtrack - Various (11,798,000)
06. Supernatural - SANTANA (11,643,000)
07. Human Clay - CREED (11,504,000)
08. No Strings Attached - N' SYNC (11,104,000)
09. Beatles 1 - THE BEATLES (11,097,000)
10. Falling Into You - CELINE DION (10,768,000)

For the record, I can claim three of these ten in my personal collection. Backstreet is back alright!

Photo from a non English speaking website.

Finally a winner

2008-01-04T09:21:00.000-05:00

I, like most of you, have long been tired of the campaigning and advertising and headline hoarding and accusations that so and so likes orange juice instead of apple juice. It is with great relief that we have selected our next President and Vice-President. I seem to remember doing this in November and electoral votes, but I also seem to remember weighing under 150 pounds. Regardless, just a relief that it's all over and that we never again have to hear from anyone named Clinton, Romney, Edwards, or Giuliani.

Photo from CNN.com

Hello new year

2008-01-03T08:49:00.001-05:00

It's been awhile (cue Staind). The last two weeks for me, like most Americans, has been a whirlwind of business. As we ease into writing "08" on deposit slips instead of the totally out of fashion "07," I thought it prudent to take a moment and reflect on the last two weeks.

I survived Christmas - barely. Most people use this type of over dramatization to characterize a slew of activities they consider "busy." Unless you work retail, you cannot conceive what a busy season really means. Stretches of work that last 12 hours in 12 day consecutive chunks with 30 second interactions with someone whose entire Christmas hinges on having some As Seen on TV product (some push-up bar was the hot item of the season with the always popular Ove Glove coming a close second) creating ridiculous amounts of misplaced tension are what people refer to when they say the commercialization of Christmas has gone too far. Blame retailers all you want, fine people, but when you point the finger, just remember four more are pointing right back at you.

The low point may have come yesterday, seemingly safe from the Christmas rush. An elderly lady asked me if we had any more Christmas tree disposal bags. My brilliant post-Christmas reconstruction side panel of this item has sold out two days ago, and sadly I had no more to offer this woman. She responded, "There are a lot of fast people in this store. You...you are slow and useless."

For whatever reason, this kind-hearted comment triggered a recollection of having seen one last Christmas tree removal bag that was sitting in the back room waiting to be disposed of because the packaging was so damaged that it was unsellable. Figuring that this nice woman needed the product so badly she was willing to insult the best gray smock wearing assistant manager Golden Valley has ever seen, I brought it to the front where I caught her just moments before checking out.

The customer was completely baffled as to why she would want THAT. Whatever, fine, I left. The lady, a regular, proceeded to tell my front cashier that we have too many fat people working this store and she doesn't like it.

If there's two things I'm not, it's slow and fat. Devastating on my self-esteem.

Anyway, enough of Walgreens, let's talk about the goodies of Christmas. One of the reasons you have suffered through my absence is the writer's strike. While not directly a part of the guild or union or whatever the hell is on strike, I figure that as a writer for Wolfden V, I deserve better compensation. As such, I hope to reap the benefits of the new deal between writers and producers, which by my calculations should occur sometime in 2101. But if Letterman can return, so can I. Inspired by his beard, I type for you this fine Thursday morn.

I do so on a nice new laptop. With my electronics death touch having worn down my previous laptop (only one of two mouse buttons worked, only one of two USB ports worked and that if jiggled in just the precise manner, the "n" button was repeatedly falling off, the internal fan worked overtime if I so much as thought about watching an on-line video, and this is to say nothing of the complete hard drive crash a few months back), I simply needed a replacement. I have it and it uses Windows Vista. The learning curve has been sharp at times, overrated at others. It only took a week to open Microsoft Word, which is nothing really. (XP! Where are you??).

The family visited for Christmas which was fantastic. My parents came in from California and my sister from Dallas. Since I worked every day they were here except for one, I took to starting work at 4am so at get out at a decent hour. I love them all dearly, but for my poor worn down body, it's nice to get back on a regular schedule. While here, though, we did have the opportunity to take in the Minnesota Science Museum, which on any other day would warrant its own post. However, now a week later the best recollection I have is of that awesome tornado thingy on the first floor. Cool, you know.

Unknown to me until about a week before it occurred, the University of Phoenix offers its students a two week break from classes during the Christmas season. The last task we were asked to complete for MBA 530 prior to our respite was to write a week four recap, touching on topics and ideas we learned, liked, or otherwise summarizing the material in the last seven days. Mine, for point of reference, touched on themes of leadership, strategic implementation, budgeting techniques, and communication. On the other hand, some students used it for free-for-all:

"I to am going to leave my summary now. It has been a crazy week trying to get all of my work done which I have not yet completed. My wifes dad is in the hospital in Oklahoma with heart failure so having to make a trip up there soon so she can see him. So I am hoping that I am able to complete my assignment at some point before monday night. The material is pretty much the same that it has been the first three weeks for this class just different scenario with the same company. I have found the UOP likes to be repetitive with the material that is used. Anyhow hope everyone has a great Christmas and New Years."

Stunning.

I would wish everyone a merry Christmas and a happy new year, but I seem to have missed that boat. Plus, it would be unoriginal and forgotten about in mere moments. Instead, I wish you all a delicious lunch and as an attractive of a haircut as the one I am about to receive.

Photo from Amazon.com and a movie that had a fun cover.

Let There Be Light!

2007-12-22T21:07:00.001-05:00

December 22nd! For six months I wait for this blasted day, and finally it has arrived.

For every June 21st, I move into a depressed state, becoming increasingly despondent and all around grumpy. The death march is on and it lasts for half a year.

But alas, things are bright and shiny this fine day! For today is the Winter Solstice! No, it's not a holiday worthy of its own cards, but nonetheless it is a terrific milestone.

Up here in Minnesota, our sunlight is incredibly scarce these winter months. In fact, my estimations have the sun now rising at noon and setting by 12:45pm. In short, it's awful. You go to work in the dark, you drive home in the dark, and you sleep in the dark. Ok, that last one is alright, but the other two are depressing.

Today marks a fresh start. Today the sun rays last a little longer, and my depressions vanishes away one minute a day (or whatever the heck it is). Before long, we'll resemble a normal city with average amounts of sunlight. The victory parade is on!

Photo from parowangap.org

It's Over

2007-12-20T15:45:00.002-05:00

Sadly, it's over. The race that was over before it ever really began.

And this is why I stick to picking fantasy sports superstars rather than presidential candidates.

P.S. With the cancellation of the campaign, I will not be sending out Tornado Tom Tancredo T-shirts as previously promised. Please, try - I beg you try - to go about your lives today.

Photo from Clarkpresents.blogspot

Welcome Christmas card readers!

2007-12-18T14:41:00.001-05:00

With the recent mailing out of the Wolf Christmas card, I expect a few new readers to Wolfden V. I managed to talk my way into a cheap plug in the last line of this year's letter, which should expose this humble blog to at least four new people. And to you, I say welcome.

Allow me to give you a little tour of the site. No doubt you are overwhelmed by the tremendous amount of information and good humor present. I wish to introduce you to the topics covered and the overall composition of Wolfden V that make it a leading blog for readers who know me, have free time, and click over once a week or so.

You'll notice a familiar trend with the posts in which I start with a picture that sets the tone for the rest of the piece. In this case, I selected a comical photo of a little girl sitting on the lap of Santa Claus. In the past, this photo has included ESPN anchor Stuart Scott, Chicago Cubs' pitcher Carlos Zambrano, and photos everyone wishes were splashed across the front page of CNN.com of themselves.

The text of my pieces tend to vary. I enjoy writing about news stories such as the never ending Don Imus scandal, Regis Philbin's heart surgery recovery, Shia LaBeouf trashing a Chicago Walgreens, and Pope Benedict issuing the 10 Commandments of Driving.

Other times I relate personal stories such as inconsiderate neighbors, Minnesota booger pickers, my inability to change a tire, and interactions with local area businesses.

Long time readers know that my favorite topic to write about is my beloved game show The Price Is Right. I have taught readers tricks on how to win. I have also attempted a few blow-by-blow accounts such as when I did a live blogging of one of Bob Barker's last shows and a live blogging of Drew Carey's first ever Price Is Right programs.

What would a personalized blog be without political commentary? I have offered equal time to key candidates investigating an Independent Party dark horse, aviation adverse Democratic Presidential hopefuls, and the next President of The United States of America.

The most common topic, though, is the saga of the worst car ever constructed: my Saturn. I have outlined my car's crumminess on several occasions, namely here, here, here, and here.

Occasionally I touch on serious topics like Chris Benoit's murder-suicide and the I-35W bridge collapse.

On the right side of the blog, you'll find some of my particular favorite websites. They are a hodgepodge of friends' blogs, sports news, and satirical web sites. All of them are worth a click, but if I had to pick one, I'd pick the one I wrote a guest piece for. Cheap plug!

I used to post 5 days a week taking the weekend off, but as I have had my free time eaten up by my return to school, posts are now less frequent. I try to get 1 or 2 in a week, but I'm fairly inconsistent. This forum is one I use at my leisure for normally sarcastic commentary on whatever is on my mind. I hope that you'll stop by often and offer comments as you are moved.

$aturn Update

2007-12-12T14:02:00.000-05:00

Last week, I took my much maligned vehicle into the shop for what I completely expected to be another expensive oil change. Stunned, I was in and out in under 30 minutes, and a bill under $25.00. I did not report on this good fortune here at Wolfden V because I knew it was too good to be true. And yes, it was.

Just one week after said oil change, I was whipping around town when the dreaded and incredibly vague "service engine soon" light flickered on. Desperately hoping it would go away, I ignored it for 2 days but alas it still mocked me. Today, on one of those not at all helpful midweek days off I get for working retail, I returned the car to the shop.

My EGR valve was in need of replacement and a Wynn Fuel Induction Power Pack also was required to fix the problem. The Power Pack, in addition to making my car run better, also helps me to fight crime. So that's something.

Grand Total: $588.95.

Tacking this onto the $2o or so bucks of the oil change from last week, and we do have another plus $600 visit to the car shop. $aturn! $aturn! $aturn!

Photo from 2carpros.com

Things to collect: stamps, baseball cards, coins...and toothpick holders?

2007-12-09T22:29:00.000-05:00

Walgreens, Walgreens, Walgreens. We attract such a diverse group of people, and spending a tremendous amount of time in the store during the holiday rush, I run into a great many of them. One individual stood out this past week, introducing me to an entirely new world of collectibles.

I was rushing around the store this past Saturday when a little old lady cornered me with coupon in hand. The scene was no different than what I interact with a hundred times a week. The woman wanted to know where these holiday toothpick holders were that were featured on page 18 for the unbelievable price of 39 cents. Unfortunately, the rest of Golden Valley had already jumped on this incredible deal, leaving us out and the woman out of luck.

The customer was incredibly disappointed. Seeing the disproportionate amount of weight people place on odd items, I cannot say that I was altogether surprised. But there was something about this woman that moved me to go a little extra for her. I offered to call a neighboring store to see if they still had any of these elusive toothpick holders. She perked up and eagerly jumped at my suggestion.

Having never used or even seen a toothpick holder used before, I was doing the mental gymnastics trying to wrap my head around this situation where a little old lady wanted a Santa Claus toothpick holder so badly she would be willing to travel for it, which given her current state, was going to be of some effort.

Perhaps sensing my confusion over the fuss for this item, she began explaining its value to her. She collected toothpick holders. I was amazed that there was even such an item, let alone people who collected them. I, in other words, said as much to the lady. She replied with a very serious tone that she was a member of the National Toothpick Collectors Society. I was befuddled.

Upon returning home, I looked up the National Toothpick Holder Collectors Society (NTHCS) and sure enough, there is a group of people that do in fact collect toothpick holders. Their website reveals that they have been in existence since 1973 boasting 700 members. They even have a national convention:

The 32nd Annual Convention will be held in Chattanooga, TN on August 15 - 19, 2007. Convention events include educational seminars, an all-toothpicks auction, local attractions, an ID Clinic, competitive displays prepared by members, and we will enjoy a dinner cruise aboard the Southern Belle.

I am curious as to what educational seminars entail, as a toothpick holder strikes me as a fairly straight forward device. An ID Clinic? If nothing else, I'm sure the dinner cruise was something.

Not just anyone can join the NHTCS, though. They have a dues system with admission to the elite club priced at $20 for an individual or $25 for a couple. The payment does entitle you to 10 issues of their newsletter, which probably contain pictures of my dear Walgreens' customer. Admission to the club does open up the locked portion of the website labeled NTCHS Members Only. Why do hackers waste their time with Microsoft? Someone get into this link and let us know what's going on behind closed doors with this secret society.

Photo from All Things Ukranian

Tom Tancredo for President!

2007-12-05T08:14:00.000-05:00

I am late, but nonetheless here I am. I have jumped aboard the Tom Tancredo for President bandwagon! Seriously, I have.

So who is this fine fellow? How have I suddenly thrown my not-at-all meaningful endorsement his way? Read on.

My father who rarely sends e-mail forwards my way because he knows my general disdain for them, decided that there was one worth my time. WQAD, the Quad Cities' trusted news source, has thrown together a little election quiz in which the test taker answers a series of questions from your personal stance on Iraq, abortion, immigration, and taxes among others. You also weigh your opinion on the particular category as "not important" to "very important." Once done, the quiz matches you with the Presidential candidate that best matches your views.

I most closely matched Cookie Monster, world famous blue muppet. Echoing his stance on cookie consumption and googly eyes, it only made sense that I'd vote for this Sesame Street staple.

Ok, so it didn't point me in that direction. Rather, it said I most closely resemble the political stance of the venerable Tom Tancredo. Never heard of Tom? Neither had I. Here's the skinny on the next President of Your United States.

Excerpts from his "about me" section on his website:

Tom Tancredo is a lifelong conservative with nearly a decade of experience in the U.S. Congress.

Tom's resume matches approximately half of the US House of Representatives at this point.

The Washington Post calls him a “firebrand” on illegal immigration.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or something that should involve additional extinguishers around the house.

David Yepsen, Dean of Iowa’s political correspondents, writes in the Daily Register that Tancredo is “onto something…

Damn right! My candidate is "onto something." And that's from the venerable David Yepsen. I once roomed with a guy named Yep, but not Yepsen. I wonder if he likes war movies and Ronald Regan?

The website lists opportunities to meet Tom Tancredo, something I would advise everyone to do. The next (and only) opportunity according to the calendar is November 30, 2007:

Tom will attend a house party at the home of Al and Susan Fulchino 178 Pine Hill Rd., Hollis, NH

So while other candidates are wasting time at these CNN YouTube debates, Tom Tancredo enjoyed Mrs. Susan Fulchino's beef brisket last Friday night at a quiet card party. Hey, I like euchre, no wonder this guy is the candidate for me.

Perhaps the most important link here was your opportunity to broadcast your support of this political tornado: Tom Tancredo (I'm trademarking "Tornado Tom Tancredo" and expect all proceeds to come my way). I've ordered 23 of the following t-shirts for all my family and friends this year as my Christmas present. Get them while they are hot.

Photos from MSNBC and TeamTancredo.org

Helio Castroneves: awesome dancer - also won some car races

2007-11-28T10:10:00.000-05:00

I don't pretend to like or even understand the phenomenon that is Dancing with the Stars, but the success of the program is undeniable. The show is constantly rated as the most watched on television, catapulting several C-list stars into B-list material. I also will not deny that I have seen a significant portion of this season's kicking and spinning as Becky has been swept up in this phenomenon. Even her grandmother was livid when Mario Lopez was denied the title several months back.

Some general observations watching last night's mega epic 120 minute show that took 30 seconds to announce the winner.

-Helio Castroneves ended up winning the competition, wearing a banana jump suit and sequins. My personal favorite moment of the program was an interview with Helio's sister who asked him if he was going to be ok wearing sequins. He said yes to which his sister then explained what they were. He then groaned.

-Helio also happens to have won racing's most prestigious car race, the Indianapolis 500, twice. With the momentum of Dancing with the Stars, I wonder how many people will remember him for his auto racing achievements or for his quick feet. Does anyone remember Emmitt Smith the all time great running back? Dancer?

-My second favorite moment of the show came after the announcement of Helio's victory, someone handed him a half gallon of milk. It was lost on Becky and probably millions of viewers, but the traditional chugging of milk accompanies a successful Indianapolis 500 win. I was hoping he was going to drink some, making a huge mess over everyone, but it was not to be.

-Dancing's favorite word? Steeeeeeeeeetch. As mentioned earlier, the show was 2 hours long with the only meaningful moment occurring in the final moments with a simple reading of the winner's name. The other contestants were asked no fewer than 2,492 times, "What does it mean to have participated in the competition?" and the final two were asked "What would it mean to win?" in some variety 282 times. I understand the effort and talent involved here, but people we are talking about dancing once a week.

-My favorite competitor was eliminated in week three, which was crap. Former picks Jerry Springer and Jon Ratzenberger did better than Wayne Newton this year. How do you not vote for Wayne Newton. The man is a legend and showed up on Price is Right the other day.

-Boxer Floyd Mayweather was also eliminated early on despite a vertical leap that would make Superman jealous. He could not, however, perform a final dance because of "intense" training for an upcoming boxing match. If he can't skip around the floor for 90 seconds, I don't like his chances in this future contest. I'm putting 50 bucks on the other guy.

-I generally enjoy awkward moments, particularly ones that are televised live, but when soap actor Cameron Mathison removed his shirt at the request of the female co-host, the tension between children appropriate television and the co-host who just had a baby with her husband in the audience was even a little too weird for me.

-I looked up how to spell judge Carrie Ann Inaba's name because everything after Carrie sounds like a garbled mess every broadcast. While looking this up I learned that she speaks fluent Japanese and was a 80s Japanese pop singer. Less interesting will be her new flop program in the Spring.

Photo from Indystar.com

AP Story Writing

2007-11-27T08:29:00.002-05:00

Despite my degree in communication, I excelled in oral versions of my area of expertise and not the written word. However, I consider myself an amateur writer and rabid reader, which in turn caused me to scratch my head this morning. While reading about Cedric Benson's season-ending (and WhoWantsToSexMbaye crippling) injury, the lead started one place and the story went another.

Exhibit A!
The headline:
Benson to have season-ending leg surgery

Exhibit B!
The lead:
LAKE FOREST, Ill. -- Cedric Benson's season is over.

Exhibit C!
The closing paragraph:
In just his second NFL season, Hester broke a club record he shared with Gale Sayers for kick return touchdowns (eight) with his ninth and 10th (six on punts, four on kickoffs). Those numbers don't include a missed field goal he returned 108 yards last season against the Giants or his return of the Super Bowl's opening kickoff for a TD against the Colts.

What have I learned? Devin Hester is the new starting running back for the Chicago Bears.

Photo from BrianBehrend.com

The Immaculate Deflection

2007-11-19T09:04:00.000-05:00

Jon Clayton has dubbed the kick the immaculate deflection, and I'm willing to run with that being I love Jon Clayton and all. If this were a playoff contest and not some irrelevant game between two middling AFC Central opponents, this would be legendary. I'm doing my best to jam the sequence and the kick into everyone's mind forever. Hey, we Cleveland fans don't have much to cheer about so a one and a gazillion field goal is worth a blog post.

The most bizarre part of the sequence was, as it happened live, CBS Minnesota kept the camera in the studio. Most likely this was a result of some contractual situation where CBS could only air one game in the market (Minnesota-Oakland having just wrapped up), but the result was one of the most bizarre 5 minutes of NFL studio coverage ever. James Brown, Bill Cowher, and Boomer Eiason basically watched the game live, tripping over one another to yell what just happened while viewers watched these guys stare off camera. After the play ended, CBS could air the highlight and viewers would see what the studio hosts interrupted one another in an attempt to describe. I'm inviting CBS cameras to film me watching the Browns next week, and I will give non-stop coverage.

Credit should be give to two people. Bill Cowher was the first in the studio to suggest the field goal was indeed good. After a replay, he adamantly defended Cleveland's honor saying the game was not over. Most impressive however was Becky upon seeing it just once at real time speed and putting up Christmas garland, argued that the ball hit the support beam. She had it pegged before anyone on the broadcast and providing Christmas cheer to boot. Where was I? Balled up on the floor crying. I take my losses like a man.

Photos from Yahoo Sports and ESPN

Spend money here.

2007-11-17T16:24:00.000-05:00

As a retailer myself, I tend to pay closer attention than the average shopper when visiting area merchants. I see displays, prices, and traffic flow patterns that the normal Saturday afternoon shopper tends to disregard as insignificant. These shoppers find varying aspects of the shopping experience important, but I think we can all agree that the (dreaded?) interaction with the sales staffer offers the most unique aspect of the trip. I invite you to accompany me back in time and relive these three recent shopping experiences.

Trip #1: Best Buy

Perhaps the greatest non-drug store retailer ever, just opened up a brand new store directly across the street from the old townhouse. Having watched the bulldozers clear the forest, the cement trucks lay the foundation, and the lights go on, I was eager to step foot in the new Best Buy. This past Friday it had its grand opening at 10am, and I was inside by 10:05am.

Clearly, the sales team had been instructed to be on their best behavior. Every blue shirt was smiling and happy. The whole team wanted to introduce themselves with a handshake and name presentation. I could care less about Dave in computers, and I took to his inviting me over for dinner as unnecessary (didn't really happen). I was grabbed by no fewer than 5 employees, which while fine and dandy in the customer service department also facilitated the spread of millions of germs after each hand touchage.

Having finally broken away from the pack, I settled into the CD section browsing titles, delightfully finding that the new Goo Goo Dolls greatest hits album includes a reworked version of "Name." Out of nowhere, another blue shirt spots me, and before I knew it, I was making the acquaintance of Christina.

Christina looked incredibly timid. Perhaps it was my physically intimidating presence or perhaps her first 15 minutes of work ever were a little overwhelming. I foolishly felt pity for Christina as she tried some irrelevant small talk. 10 minutes later, I knew that she was a student at St. Thomas, had trained for 5 weeks at other stores for this position, and had a six year old sister (this time, all of this is true). Furthermore, she was so nervous for the opening that she told her boss that she likened it to a first date with butterflies in her stomach. I can't say that I've ever equating Walgreens to dating, but to each their own.

Regardless, I did feel as if I should do my best to be a "good customer" to keep her at ease as after a couple steps backwards, realized I shouldn't just give Christina the brush. She took the opportunity to turn the conversation toward cell phones. I told her that I hated cell phones with a passion and that I only carried one for necessity's sake. Christina promptly counter balanced the universe by professing her undying love for the cell phone, using it to find McDonalds when hungry and wishing she could use it for blow drying her hair if it were only possible. If only.

Before I knew it I was seeing if I qualified for a free cell phone upgrade. I didn't need one or want one, but checking to see if I could get one seemed to be the best conclusion to the whole interaction as Christina could type me through the system as her first ever customer, and the ensuing natural closure would provide me an escape route. Naturally, I did not qualify for the upgrade for a variety of reasons not the least of which being that Verizon and I are mortal enemies who will day fight to the death. Christina, while disappointed, was not thwarted. Those five weeks of training kicked in, and she asked if she could call me when I became available for the upgrade. However, she asked this in such a leading way where the question might as well have been, "Do you think starving, malnourished babies should be saved from the jaws of anguishing, painful death?" To which, I profoundly answered, "Sure."

Christina thanked me for my time, no doubt with the self esteem boost that came with roping in her first ever customer. She assured me that she would call me when it was cell phone upgrade time. When my phone rings with a mysterious number in November 2008, I will once again converse with Christina, and we shall chat about who knows what.

Trip #2: Coach

Becky and I decided to eat at The Macaroni Grill at a local mall. I happen to like this arrangement as there is always a wait, and the mall provides obvious distraction during this down time. Becky loves it because it's an excuse to walk through the world's most over-priced collection of handbags with gaudy "C" logos all over them.

As such, we walked down the stairs and into the Coach store. Coach tends to have about a 2:1 ratio of employees to people actually shopping in the store. I'm fairly confident that the moment someone crosses the threshold into the store, the eight of them play rock, paper, scissors to see who gets to make contact.

Today's winner was Marissa. Marissa kindly inquired if there was anything she could help us find. Becky dropping as much of a hint for me as Marissa, replied, "We're just browsing for ideas."

Marissa offered this gem, "Oh! I know! There's like a million things in here to shop for!"

With a giggle, Marissa vanished, as did 100 of my brain cells. Er, like a million brain cells.

An unidentified employee approached Becky and I approximately 90 seconds later (the maximum amount of time one can shop in Coach without employee interaction) on the other side of the store. Again, Becky declined assistance. This time, the employee decided to interact with me (it must be my always friendly demeanor) when she said, "Well, if there's anything I can do, just let me know. And fortunately, we do have very comfortable sofas!" To which she vaguely pointed at a seating arrangement before prancing back to the desk.

Indeed, I'm sure there are comfortable sofas, but being a well versed shopping companion, know that my opinion is critical on a slew of items that will never be purchased but need confirmation of their cuteness. Sitting down merely delays the process, potentially costing us our place in the Macaroni Grill line. Affirming the aforementioned cuteness of no fewer than six Coach items, we concluded our visit and were sent off with a wave and a good night from Marissa, the unidentified Coach employee, and the legion waiting to serve us behind the desk.

Trip #3: Macaroni Grill

Here we meet Garry, yes spelled with two R's. I know this because he did my favorite thing at any restaurant (outside of bringing the food) when he did that thing where the Macaroni Grill wait staff write their names upside down. Tremendous talent. I couldn't do it and am always fascinated how they manage to do this while carrying six hot plates on a tray with their other hand. I increase my tip for such marvels.

Now Garry I really liked. Why you ask? What sets him apart from Christina and Marissa? Simply: I have no stories. The man efficiently brought us our food and check without pointless conversation. It, much like the name writing, was fantastic. I like Garry.

Photo from Customers Rock!

What should you know about on-line schooling?

2007-11-12T09:15:00.001-05:00

1. Classes are short and intense. The University of Phoenix runs with one class at a time, lasting for six weeks. As such, the one class requires a tremendous amount of work to be completed in a short amount of time. The good news is that when your professor smells like a turd and your classmates display the aptitude of an ape, you are but five short weeks away from a start over.

2. Participation is paramount. Participation and attendance run hand-in-hand. While you are never required to be on-line at a specific time, you will be required to post a set number of significant message four different days of the week. This participation does not include team related exercises (more later), questions you may have for the professor, or general conversation. My last class required a minimum of two posts of 200 or more words four days a week, in addition to answers for professor-posted discussion questions, which came three times per week. At minimum, your participation for this class required 2,200 words per week in message board posts.

3. There is writing and more writing and more writing and more writing and you get the damn point. There are no tests or quizzes. The sole manner in which professors evaluate your comprehension of class information comes through essays and research papers. You will have a paper due every week, usually on Monday, which is the end of the University of Phoenix school week. The formula I have experienced thus far involves wimpy papers due on weeks 1 and 4, group papers due weeks 2 and 5, and lengthy research papers due 3 and 6. The wimpy papers average around four pages, the team papers amount to 15 pages long, and the individual papers range from 15-25. Nothing is particularly difficult, but your fingers will simply tire from pressing buttons.

4. The professors are in the same time crunched boat that the students are. The class, generally comprised of about 20 students, have a variety of reasons for enrolling at the University of Phoenix, but most share a common full-time work schedule. As such, the flexible hours of an on-line university appeal to them, all of which may sound like common sense. What I did not realize heading into this experience is that the professors share the same hectic crazy schedules, as they too are full-time employees in the real world. These are not professors sitting in a classroom teaching University of Phoenix classes full-time, but rather professionals doing this on the side. Pros and cons certainly abound here with the obvious negative that some professors, similar to students, do not spend the appropriate amount of time and effort on the class for the full six weeks.

5. The counselors rock. To date, I have been more impressed with the counselors than any other facet of the University of Phoenix . I have an enrollment counselor, an academic advisor, and a financial guru. Tara and Heather – we are totally on a first name basis – call just check in and make sure all is going well from time to time. When I was considering dropping a class (more on that later) they showed immediate concern and returned phone calls at the drop of a hat. They have been supportive and full of information throughout my experience.

6. Group work accounts for a disproportionate of time and stress. Yes, there is group work. To give an example of a recent group assignment, individuals were asked to research two real world companies and then compare and contrast their plight to the one in the fictitious scenario the professor presents. The team submits these individual writings and then draws conclusions and compiles a unified paper. The problem occurs when not all team members submit their portions on time (regularly), misinterpret the assignment (occasionally), or have an at home crisis preventing them from writing (far too often). Someone has to be in charge of bringing all the individual parts together (generally me), and everyone proofreads and edits (again usually just me). Trying to get anywhere from 2 to 7 other people on board with the same schedule and effort causes me to scream frequently at my laptop.

7, The writing abilities vary. Tremendously. A sample submission in a group paper that was submitted to the team as a final version:

Atlanta Falcons, home of many fans in the state of Georgia hoping to see their franchise team achieve to a world title. In May of 2007, a scandal rose from the grave from a player that would endanger the team and it’s publicity. Michael Vick, a well talented quarterback that many youth idols followed in his footsteps. After the agitations brought against him about dog fighting and pleaded guilty for his crimes, Atlanta Falcons suffered major amount of millions from it’s product and tickets. NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue encourage many fans to stay loyal to their home team, including Falcons team owner Arthur Blank insisted fans not to betray the team because of one player.

This horseshit caused me to immediately contact my professor and counselors to inquire as to how to drop a class. My mother says that her grade-school special needs students write better than this. To date, this group paper is the worst document I have ever turned in with my name attached. This says nothing of the individual who had never written a research paper and consequently did not know how to cite within a paper. Or the other individual in the group who cited himself as a source, complete with a place in the references page. Brilliant.

8. Message board experience helps. I suggest visiting the Valpo sports message board before joining the University of Phoenix . This experience will better prepare you for message threads, crazy tangents, and the inexplicable world of emoticons. I once received 17 smiley faces in a 30 page paper, which translated to a 96%. With the classroom reminiscent of the old Valpo Voy Board, I was well prepared for the mayhem that ensued.

9. APA guidelines. All my life, I have written using MLA rules. The University of Phoenix believes in APA guidelines, which does make for easier reference pages at the end of your research papers. However, it took me close to two months to get used to typing with only one space after the period. Now, I don’t know that I could ever go back.

10. Dust off AOL Instant Messenger, you are going to need it. While in college, AOL Instant Messenger was a must have. After graduating, I rarely use the device as I have neither the time to use it nor the drive to keep up with people (sorry everyone, e-mails are simply more timely). However, when writing lengthy papers, brief distractions are a must, and AOL IM provides them in wondrous form. People I haven’t talked to in years remain on the list, and I now can call Brad Spata’s cell phone should I have the urge. Also, writing guest pieces for blogs can help break up monotony, which is all fine and good unless the paper is due the next day, which just so happens to be a 10 hour work day. Crap, I have to go finish my gap analysis for the fictional Riordan Manufacturing company, which has a deficient HR department and donut hungry CFO.

Honest mistake: All Iowa looks the same to me too

2007-11-07T20:50:00.002-05:00

Which way, Barack?

Cedar Rapids, Des Moines, whatever. Could you really tell the difference between the two?

One person who cannot is the pilot flying Barack Obama all over the place.

Ends up that Obama was supposed to be in Cedar Rapids, Iowa for some hoopla of some sort, but the plane landed 100 miles away in Des Moines, Iowa. I don't know how this happens. It's not like they made a wrong turn on Cloud Dr. and veered onto the one-way, traffic plagued Starry St. I get the feeling that should Obama win the Presidency, there's one individual on his campaign staff who should not get promoted to Air Force One pilot.

While this oops is fun enough, the reaction of those in Cedar Rapids eagerly awaiting the belated guest of honor was worthy of note.

"While waiting, the crowd took to dancing and chanting."

Hey, hang with the Obama crowd and it's a damn good time. A little chicken dance mixed in with Daryl Strawberry-esque taunting of competitor Hillllllllllllllllllllllary is one way to spend an evening in Iowa.

Photo from The Moderate Voice

He may save the world from robot cars, but don't be bringing that shit in here

2007-11-04T21:51:00.000-05:00

A delightfully fun story emerging from the Chicago land area has Shia LaBeouf arrested after appearing intoxicated during a late night stop inside a Walgreens drug store.

The arrest occurred at 2:30am Sunday morning and centered around his anger over his coupons from the previous week expiring; thereby rendering his 39 cent coupon for Mandarin Oranges useless and requiring a full payment of 99 cents. Understandably, the utter disappointment caused him to drink and get into it with the overnight crew who restrained him using overstock crutches and subduing him with Tylenol PM. The Drew-equivalent (overworked, tired, frustrated 20 something in a gray smock) called police who noticed a resilient LaBeouf reaching for his whip - a prop from LaBeouf's upcoming Indiana Jones film. He donned a hat from the clearance bin and began running up and down aisle 8 uttering profanities and speaking in pig Latin. The photo clerk distracted LaBeouf with the flash of a disposable camera before the Drew-equivalent threw his box cutter at the aisle marker above aisle 8, causing it to crash down on the Transformers' star's head. As the police rushed in, the assistant manager could be heard yelling a slew of famous, butchered movie lines such as "Yippee-ki-yay, make my day, hasta la vista, baby!"

Well, now you know what I fantasize about when working overnight shifts to set the Christmas aisle.

Important! 4 Christmas rules to follow.

2007-11-02T17:39:00.000-05:00

Work. I do a lot of it, and I write about it rarely. This stems from not wanting to relive it and keeping Wolfden V a happy place.

With that said, it's time I give four ground rules for the dates of October 31st-November 3rd. Maybe I'm feisty from consecutive 3am-2pm shifts (and going back tonight at 10pm for an undetermined amount of time) or maybe I feel an urge to speak the truth. Regardless, these are actual, frequently repeated examples that occur during this time of the year. Over four years, I think it's time to hammer home some points.

1.) Thou shall not return Halloween costumes after Halloween.

Last year, I had a woman attempt to return a used costume two weeks after the holiday. This year, it was only one day after, but c'mon. I am probably the easiest guy to take a return to in my entire company, but this is one where I will not budge.

2.) After Halloween concludes, Walgreens is under no obligation to continue to stock Halloween candy.

I sort this one under common sense too, but I have had customer after customer disgustedly march out of the seasonal aisle after seeing all red and green and no orange and black. Sure, there are clearance deals to be had after the holiday, and I'm glad that these people help clean out inventory. However, there seems to be a moral expectation that we have clearance candy for a set number of days after Halloween. From a business standpoint, customers must see that these 50 and 75% off sales are no longer profitable or beneficial to the company.

Actual conversation on November 1st:

Customer: "This is all you have left?"

Me: "Yep, it is."

Customer: "I can't believe it."

Me: "You should have seen it in here last night before trick-or-treating, it was crazy."

Customer: "WHAT!?! IT WENT ON SALE BEFORE TODAY?!!"

Me: "No, I meant that we had large sales the day of Halloween."

Customer (dejected): "Oh, I thought you'd have more. (With attitude) I guess not."

3.) Any derivation of "You are setting Christmas merchandise earlier than last year" is not true.

Unless you have one of those new, space-aged stores of which I'm told there are only four in the nation, Walgreens most likely only has one seasonal aisle. This aisle is used for Halloween merchandise each year and does not contain Christmas merchandise until after October 31st has concluded. With Halloween being a ridiculously profitable holiday, it makes no sense for us to fill it with Christmas merchandise prior to then. And we don't.

Perhaps a fun conversation starter with employees setting the aisle post-Halloween, customers enjoy blaming those of us setting the aisle for being "the retailers making it earlier and earlier every year." I would be happy to tip every one off that next year, on November 2nd, we will set the Christmas aisle again, and it will be the exact same time we did it this year and the year before.

4.) If thyself shops thy Christmas aisle, thou shall share in the blame.

Immediately after a customer disgustedly converses with this "earlier" setting of our Christmas items, customers absolutely have to see what it is that I am removing from a freshly opened box and placing on the shelf. This stuff sells here and now. If you are going to criticize retailers for setting the merchandise as you perceive to be too early of a date, it is hypocritical to rush off to the check out counter with a basket full of Christmas lights and red and green M+Ms.

I feel better and will set down from the podium. Thank you for your time.

Photo from Kansas State Collegian

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2007-10-21T22:43:00.001-05:00

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The VUPD never stop protecting

2007-10-17T19:19:00.000-05:00

It's no secret that I enjoy reading Valpo's student newspaper. The fun mix of questionable journalism coupled with biased writing and my fondness for the University that repeats the same stupid mistakes time after time after time make for an incredibly entertaining venture. Sometimes, though, the VUPD Beat provides the laughs. Here is my favorite one sentence at a time.

1.) Officers responded to the VUCA in reference to a male subject being disruptive.

So far so good. Nothing out of the ordinary. Your typical theater kid inciting violence.

2.) It was reported that the subject was performing magic tricks and talking about politics.

A deadly, deadly combination. What is in the big black hat? Poof! Mitt Romney!

3.) The non-campus subject was escorted out of the building.

The admissions office breathes a collective sigh of relief that they are not responsible for this individual.

4.) His father was located and took custody of him and his bike.

The perpetrator is revealed to be a six-year old child who bought a novelty magic set and was practicing reciting the fifty U.S. Presidents for kindergarten class. His papa picked him up and spanked him.

5.) He was given a trespass warning.

Don't bring dat in my house!

Photo from MagicBob2000.com

Saturn owners unite!

2007-10-16T08:25:00.001-05:00

The University of Kentucky is similar to Valpo in that basketball is king. There are other sports that take place, but really, they are filler for what happens in between Midnight Madness/Mayhem/Moonlighting/Misery and March Madness.

Well, it ends up that Kentucky might be good at one of those other sports and actually won a big football game. As tends to happen when this type of thing occurs, fires and riots ensued. Wait, this time just fires. Anyway, starts off that some co-eds decided to burn a couch, which while fun was considerably less fun than burning two couches. Duh.

Anyway, the furniture burn off spread and began engulfing a car parked not far away. The car was a Saturn. The owner returned and offered what unquestionably would have been my sentiments:

"If we had lost, I might be more upset," he said at the sight. "But it was a piece of junk anyway."

Photos from here and here

The new season of The Price Is Right

2007-10-15T09:58:00.000-05:00

With tremendous excitement, I announce the new season of the Price Is Right. Change is upon us all as my beloved Bob Barker has moved on to greener pastures while Drew Carey is the new host. As if I could let this historic event pass without a live blogging. As if!

Oooh, jazzier theme, a new pastel color scheme, and fun camera angles.

Thomas Plow is the first name of this season. Congratulations, Thomas. You are the first contestant on the Price is Right!

New host Drew Carey emerges to a raucous crowd, some of whom are chanting "Drew! Drew! Drew!" I receive the same ovation upon walking into work every day.

Prize: Scuba Equipment
Contestant 1 1800 (2114! Winner)
Contestant 2 650
Contestant 3 1200
Contestant 4 1300

The winner, Bernard, becomes so excited about his game in which he has a chance to win a new jeep that he runs over a hugs it before he's won it. Bernard plays the money game and, listening to his wife's advice, emerges victorious. He again races over to the jeep and hugs the model. His wife is understandably less thrilled about the groping than the jeep.

Prize: Side-by-side refrigerator and freezer
Contestant 1 2000 (Winner! 2098!)
Contestant 2 2500
Contestant 3 25200, 2560
Contestant 4 2650

No, contestant 3 is not a typo. She originally bid "twenty-five two hundred." Bob Barker came out of the crowd to punch her in the face. She lost.

Winner Peggy is going to play Cliffhanger, which Peggy has annoyingly renamed "Yodel Man." Whatever. The prize is a trip to Bali. I'd throw the game, but Peggy seems excited about the trip. Peggy thought some utensils were $25 and not $20. Good start, nonetheless. Hand held Sudoku Game, she nails at $30 putting her in great shape heading into the final prize. She likewise guesses a phone as being $40. Peggy is off to Bali. Better her than me.

Prize: Exercise Bike - The JR model
Contestant 1 850
Contestant 2 800
Contestant 3 850 (the person two ahead of her bid 850), 895 (same genius as before with 25200, yet she wins with the prize worth 1000)
Contestant 4 700

The winner is Dora, or her name sounds like Dora. I can't read her name tag because her hair is too long, which in turn has deprived her brain of oxygen. Dora loves Drew and hugs him excessively before going into a failed hand spring in which she nearly broke her ankle. Dora will play In the Bag. Great game where retail shopping can result in $16,000. Her second selection (an easy step) is booed incessantly by the audience who are now coming to realize Dora is dumb. The audience saves her on two occasions when Drew allows her to change her original selections. The audience is responsible for Dora winning $16,000, and she collapses to the ground in an unnecessary display of drama. Perhaps it's apparent I do not care for Dumb Dora.

-Peggy spins: $1.00 on first try. $1,000! Yay Peggy!
-Dumb Dora spins 70 cents and 55 cents. Mercifully, she is eliminated.
-Bernard is unable to spin the wheel all the way around. He is a large, strong man and this is embarrassing. His second spin sucks, too, and a trap door swallows him up.
-Peggy's bonus spin nets her no extra money, but smiles for everyone.

Prize: Dinette Set
Contestant 1 999
Contestant 2 1100 (1,199! Winner!)
Contestant 3 1350
Contestant 4 1450

The winner is Thomas who will play Easy As 1, 2, 3. The game is in fact easy as the title describes. Thomas places three wooden blocks in front of three products in order from cheapest to most extensive. After prancing around the stage looking for audience approval, Thomas does in fact win.

Prize: BBQ Grill
Contestant 1 1250 (1500 Winner!
Contestant 2 1850
Contestant 3 1000
Contestant 4 1245 (Great bid, moron. Way to give yourself 5 numbers)

This contestant is a sorority girl proudly displaying her Greek letters. She has an opportunity to win a new car playing the One Away game. The audience is booing, and the audience has done well so far. Things look bad for sorority girl. In fact, she only has 2 of the 5 numbers correct upon first try. The audience applauds her second try. Things look good for sorority girl. She wins the car. Fantastic audience today.

Prize Hammock
Contestant 1 795 (Winner of some incredibly pricey hammocks, $811)
Contestant 2 1000
Contestant 3 1200
Contestant 4 1

Gregory is your winner and he's playing Barker's Bargain Bar. Ah, I remember Bob. What a guy. Anyway, Gregory must pick which of two prices features a more reduced price. Gregory takes his 50-50 shot and comes away with a computer and a wine cabinet, wrapping up a perfect show in which every contestant won their game.

Drew mentions an interesting fact in that this is the 77th perfect show in Price Is Right history. That'll probably be worthwhile information in the course of my day.

-Thomas spins 50 cents and then 20 for a grand total of 70 cents.
-Gregory says hi to Lindsay in the audience and finds himself with 95 cents.
-Sorority girl is smiling and happy. She gets a 35 and a 65 to win her a thousands dollars.
-Sorority girl falls into Drew after her weak spin, and she wins nothing.

Showcase Showdown
-Sorority Girl passes the first set of prizes.
-Peggy bids $15,000 on a bedroom set and a wave runner. (Actual price: $20,543, Difference 5543. Loser.)
-Sorority Girl bids $25,000 on a huge HD TV, a hot tub, a travel trailer (Actual price: $27,275, Difference of $2,275. Winner! Hugs and smiling and waving and prize touring ensue!)

Thoughts on Drew's first go round: I thought he did alright. When you do something for the first time that someone else has done for 200 years, it's going to be different and an adjustment. He regularly referred to the announcer by his whole name as well as addressing each of the models in a Deal or No Deal-esque manner. He did seem rushed at parts and getting excited at weird times, but for a first time, it was acceptable. In 200 years, he might even be as good as Bob Barker.

Photo from AccessHollywood

Who needs the letter "A"?

2007-10-12T16:55:00.000-05:00

So my professor recently returned my group's thirty page paper. While we do receive a number grade, I received a new method of evaluation. We received 17 smiley faces in 30 pages, which translates to a 96%.

This :) thing is getting out of control.

Now everyone else coming to the realization that Oral Roberts is a bad, bad place

2007-10-10T09:57:00.003-05:00

The Giant High Five is creating trouble again. Highlights form the lead story at CNN.com this morning!

"Information about possible improper use of university funds by the Roberts family came from a computer belonging to Roberts' sister-in-law, who loaned it to a student, according to the lawsuit."

Whoops! Because in my college experience frequently required the usage of a laptop from President Harre's in-law.

"The Roberts defended themselves against the suit's allegations, including one accusation that the family used a university jet to send one of their daughters and her friends on a trip to the Bahamas."

Forget the Bahamas jaunt, a university jet? Which would be used for what? Rushing back and forth to classes? Baby races?

"Richard Roberts said his daughter and her friends accompanied him on a preaching trip to Florida and the Bahamas, aimed at recruiting students to ORU.

'I had to pay the university back for that,' he told CNN, adding that the jet is not owned by the university; it is leased."

Oh, I'm sorry, it's the University's leased jet. That clears up that little boo-boo. And of course, after a little loan from tuition payers, I'll just pay back the funds used on that Disneyworld recruitment venture. That is since you are inquiring about it now and all.

In response to an accusation that the university was charged for 11 home renovation projects over 14 years, the couple said the walls and floors of their home had to be removed because of black mold.

Clearly a sign of the apocalypse. And bad water sealant.

The suit also alleges that, according to university-paid cell phone bills, text messages were sent early in the morning from Lindsay Roberts' phone to underage males who had been provided phones at university expense.

Lindsay Roberts said she routinely allows her daughters and their friends to use her cell phone, and it was likely the messages were from them to other youths.

Richard Roberts said the couple mentors youths with drug and alcohol problems and sometimes has contact with them at odd hours.

And we've just entered a whole new ballgame. Between "likely" in the second paragraph and "odd hours" in the third, this situations screams of inappropriateness.

Lindsay Roberts' Lexus SUV and Mercedes Benz convertible were provided for the university's use by donors, who also pay the insurance costs.

Can I interest you in a Saturn, Mrs. Roberts?

Victory

2007-10-09T05:53:00.000-05:00

Satisfaction. The Indians' extra inning victory Friday night may have been my favorite moment in the series, but last night's was the most satisfying. Not that I saw it, but still satisfying. I watched most of the game, including the Yankees whittling away the big lead. When it became 6-3, and we entered the 8th inning, my body shut down from the big day and my mind feared Joe Borowski crushing my spirit.

As has been the case all year long, Cleveland built up a big lead, Borowski pitched poorly, and in spite of him, Cleveland wins with everyone forgetting how absolutely awful Joe is because The Tribe won anyway. It's actually the statistic that no one has mentioned but is the one most responsible for Cleveland's series win. Out of 38 innings played, Borowski pitched just 1 of them. Not too bad.

I did fall asleep before the end of the game, and I leapt up in the morning to catch Sportscenter. The segment on? "Torre's Legacy." Figuring this was a good sign, but still wanting confirmation, I logged onto espn.com - the site that ran with the lead story of Paul Byrd (not CC Sabathia on short rest) starting is equivalent to the Yankees guaranteed to win the series - which also featured a big picture of Torre. In fact, the Diamonbacks received as much face time on the home page as does Cleveland. C'mon, we haven't won a World Series in 60 some years. Could we at least acknowledge the victory? Finally, I found the link to the game recap - no special section such as the 48 dedicated to New York's loss - and blissfully read the summary. Oh, and did I mention that Joe Torre still is not fired and still is the manager of the Yankees? Now he may be toast when I get home, but couldn't the "Torre's dead, here are syrupy sweet video montages" wait until the day he actually does leave New York.

Jump on the bandwagon folks, it's time for the ALCS.

Photo from WHDH

And there goes the retirement fund

2007-10-01T23:16:00.001-05:00

Not an overly good day for Walgreens' stock. Usually looking at a chart showing a company's value, it may go up and down a bit, but I can't ever remember seeing a straight line drop like that. I'm sure once Wall Street realizes I worked seven days in a row the numbers will come back, and I can go back to thinking happy thoughts about the old portfolio.

Graphic from USA Today

What's worse?

2007-09-11T23:08:00.001-05:00

A.) The pathetic roster: "The Browns, embarrassed 34-7 by the Pittsburgh Steelers in their home opener, will go into Week 2 with three quarterbacks; only one of them, third-stringer Ken Dorsey, has won an NFL game."

B.) This mismanagement and evaluation of talent: "Cleveland's trade of Frye is unprecedented. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, he's the first quarterback since the NFL/AFL merger in 1970 to start his team's season opener and be traded before Week 2."

C.) That Ken Dorsey is signed and mentoring anyone: "The club signed Dorsey to a one-year contract on Tuesday, 10 days after the Browns cut him. Dorsey will serve as a mentor to Quinn"

D.) The Cleveland Browns franchise in general.

Quotes from ESPN.com

Labor Day baseball

2007-09-06T07:47:00.000-05:00

Look, it's three days later. Deal with it. I'm a busy man adjusting to hitting the space bar just once after the period. I'm doing better, and I'm time crunched. As such, my Labor Day adventure appears here on this site on Thursday. And after I go to the bathroom. (Awkward pause.) Alright, let's rock.

The story truly begins back last Friday night. I was sitting at my computer developing benchmarking research for the fictional Global Communications when Becky realizes that we both have Labor Day off. Now this is a revolutionary revelation because I haven't had a mutual day off with my wife since, I believe, the first weekend in August. Realizing we may never again have this opportunity again, especially with the holiday season closing in on us and my working a double 18 hour shift starting tonight at 4pm, Becky decided to see what was happening in the Twin Cities that might be worthy of our entertainment dollar.

A look at the movie listings quickly ruled that option out. Neither of us have any desire to see Halloween, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I would have nightmares for months if I went to see any horror flick. Much to Becky's dismay some Jane Austen movie was out of theaters just three weeks after entering them, and I breathed easier. The rest of the listings consisted of retread summer leftovers that left us uninspired.

A few moments later, Becky asked if the Twins were in town. I paused from my paper writing and figured they would be as they were just wrapping up a weekend series at home against the mighty Kansas City Royals. But more importantly, my wonderful wife was suggesting spending our mutual day off watching professional baseball. This doesn't happen. I must be dreaming.

She clicked around some more and confirmed that Minnesota was indeed playing an afternoon game. Wow, things are going really well as our chances of attending increased with this more desirable first pitch time. Then the deal maker.

Their opponent? The best team in baseball. The Cleveland Indians.

Fantastic news! Not only had my not particularly baseball inclined wife suggested Labor Day at the Metrodome, but my team, who I have not seen play in person since the 1988 season when Greg Swindell, Tom Candiotti, and Bud Black anchored The Tribe's rotation, were playing. A tremendous stroke of luck. I seem to only see Cleveland teams on the road these days, and I proudly wear Cleveland attire into visitor stadiums. I did this when the Browns played the Vikings a couple of years ago and wore as much brown and orange as I could. Naturally, we wound up in a sea of drunk purple and yellow. The fans, in good spirit, heckled me as the Browns put up a feeble fight. However, when I began being touched and they asked my name (I answered Sam, and that I drove all the way from Cleveland for this game), it was time to go. This Indians-Twins match-up allowed me to get decked out in Tribe gear. The stars were aligned and I and my 1997 World Series appearance (forgettable) hat were off to the Metrodome.

Now in April, I hosted a dude fest that included much Twins baseball, and I developed a favorite route and parking lot. Now with the I-35W bridge crumpled into the Mississippi River, I took alternate routes without incident. Most notably, no bridge fell.

The bridge collapse was an integral part of the pre-game festivities as the promotions department made up something called "First Responders Day" where EMTs, fire fighters, and police personnel were offered tickets to this game for just a dollar and then were paraded around the infield prior to the game, complete with emotional video footage. I suggested grabbing our Dome Dogs during this ten minute feelings-fest, but was quickly slapped on the arm and encouraged to instead clap for the fifty or so people who were on the field and waving with their kids. The Dome Dogs waited.

Oh yes, there was a baseball game, too. Both teams' best pitchers were on the mound with the very clean teethed Johan Santana representing the Twins and the very large bellied CC Sabathia taking the hill for Cleveland. I quickly realized the Eric Wedge was setting me up for disaster. Instead of placing our best players against the Twins' best pitcher, he decided on a starting line-up that consisted of Ben Franscico and Chris Gomez. No Grady Sizemore. No Jhonny Peralta. Ugh.

Also deserving of an "ugh," was the woman sitting directly next to Becky, who I should mention counterbalanced my Cleveland attire with a lovely pink Twins jersey selection. This woman decided to take advantage of the empty row ahead of us by stretching out her legs. Sure, no big deal. Then she took her shoes off and rested them on the seat. Not cool. That the drink holder on the back of the seat was mere inches from her disgusting, bare foot was really not cool. It never fails that Becky will sit next to an etiquette challenged individual. It's a miracle she ever goes out in public.

Somehow the Chris Gomez led charge put Cleveland ahead early, and CC was marvelous. 5-0 Cleveland. Yay Labor Day.

Photo from ABC 7 News, WJLA

Birds hold my car in the same regard I do

2007-08-30T16:09:00.001-05:00

$700 oil change this go around. 2/3 of which is covered by the warranty, but still, $700? The next picture of my car you see may be that of my poop spread across it.

Goo!

2007-08-27T08:33:00.000-05:00

High school was a grand time for rock music. I attended probably close to 20 shows in 2 years and spent a significant amount of my lawn mowing income on the likes of Green Day, Lenny Kravitz, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Foo Fighters, and Finger 11. My concert going days have waned since my New Orleans experience concluded. Occasionally there is a show here and there that I attend, and one of those happened to be this past Friday evening.

The tremendous Minnesota State Fair kicked off this past Thursday, and it's an event that still confuses me. I can't say I've ever been particularly fond of anything "fair" but the people in Minnesota are absolutely fanatical about it. Every newscast and radio show will originate from the fairgrounds featuring fluff pieces on new born baby animals and the latest exhibit on display. The greatest fascination though is with the food there as people go Maurice Jones-Drew touchdown crazy for items on a stick. Even my wife, who won't go anywhere near these deep fried and speared concoctions, takes tremendous pride in the latest invention. From deep fried twinikies on a stick to teriaki ostrich to spam, all possible food go into the fryer and out on a stick for your heart stopping enjoyment. It's good fun, but this year's trip into the fairgrounds was not food related.

While I did enjoy a few food items, I enjoyed the entertainment even more. For the first time, I took in a show at the Grandstand. A massive set of bleachers erected in the heart of the fair, I was surprised at how many people it held as from the outside I did not expect such a seating capacity. It was no 100,000 people crammed for Metallica at Rockfest 2000, but still a surprisingly strong turn out for the headlining and apparently Elmo-loving Goo Goo Dolls.

But first there were the opening acts who deserve a few lines. I wasn't sure who the opening artist was and despite having since been told who it was a few times can't remember. It was a young woman named Cay Calililly or something who sings that one pop song that has a whole bunch of rhyming words. Vague, I know but so is pop music in general. Once she played her one semi-famous song I kinda remembered hearing it and how it went, and therein lies the definition of an opening act.

The second performance brought back VRC memories. For the first time in five years, the JR professed mega hit Sick Cycle Carousel singing Athletics Recreation Center rocking act Lifehouse took the stage. They were much much improved from that debacle in Indiana, and I attribute it to five more years to enhance their performance skills, new song development, and reflection on the scathing criticism they no doubt once read in the Torch.

With that said, they were most enjoyable. While a fine recorded song, I still just don't think "Hanging by a Moment" translates into a good live song. Fortunately, they disposed of this hugely played hit early in their set allowing their current hits "First Time" and "You and Me and All of the People" to anchor their performance. My favorite song of theirs from the evening was the unreleased single "The Joke," which was an incredibly catchy, well performed live track. I rarely remember songs that I had not heard previous to a concert, but this one was worthwhile. They also get points for a cover song, choosing the Rolling Stones' "Beast of Burden" for a little reworking. It was a fine choice as was the fashion for the evening. Bassist Bryce Soderberg wore a CBS Sports t-shirt that was questionably a nod to the fine work of one Verne Lundquist and his sweaters.

The main event used their much earlier single "Long Way Down" to kick off the performance. I appreciated the step back in time as most know and understandably enjoy the more recent efforts like "Slide," "Broadway," "Iris," and "Stay With You" all of which were great Friday night. Having enjoyed the Goo Goo Dolls "Live in Buffalo" album from a couple years ago, I was hoping to hear "Black Balloon" as it was a standout on the aforementioned disc. I was pleased when in fact it was in the track listing and was accompanied with humongous black balloons that rained down upon concert goers. It was a neat visual spectacle to compliment the fantastic song, and by golly in a nod to my five-year-old inner self, I got to hit a black balloon high into the sky. Whee!

The show was delightful to be sure, but it was not without it's downfalls. The most glaring of which is an over indulgence of Robby Takac's singing. I understand the obligatory one or two Robby Takac songs per album, and I can happily press fast forward through them. However, that option is unavailable at a live show and when the bassist sings (and I recently learned that he was the original lead singer of the band), it's not good. When he sings four songs, it creates a big black hole in the middle of the set. Upon his image being placed on the big screen, Becky turned to me and commented that this man was uglier than the lead singer of Nickelback, which I found to be immensely funny and very true. Upon his vocals leaving the Grandstand speakers, Becky again turned to me and asked, "What was that crap?" which I also found to be immensely funny and very true.

Lead singer and Catholic raised (boo-yah!) Johnny Rzeznik while light years better than Takac ran into a problem that no doubt haunts all big bands with a great many singles. Some are going to be left out, which will disappoint fans of that one particular song. The Goo opted to pass on "Better Days," which was a little surprising considering they played three non-singles from their most recent album. Becky later mentioned that it would have made for a nice emotionally laced encore had they tied the song into the recent bridge disaster, and I would agree. Instead, they wrapped up the show with a song that I did not recognize, which is tough since I know most every song from their last four albums. It was a fine song, but c'mon let's end with a bang.

At the conclusion of the performance, I was prepared to make my way out of the Grandstand when shots were fired. Ok, so they were really fireworks, but I wasn't expecting them and thought we all might be dead. Fortunately my quick thinking reverted back to firework safety tips, and I sat down and enjoyed the colorful conclusion to the evening's festivities.

Photo from MuppetCentral

The day the computer died - again

2007-08-23T08:36:00.001-05:00

All was going well. After working 11 of 12 days, Sunday was my third day in a row off from work. I took a 2+ hour nap - a favorite Sunday afternoon activity of mine. Upon awaking, I went down to my computer to prepare for the VUFSA football draft, but two hours later. I clicked around and thought I should see what's on TV, so I clicked on my link to TV listings when my computer froze. That's fairly unusual as this computer never freezes.

I powered off and turned it back on to reboot. Before Windows came up, a very loud clicking noise, reminiscent of that noise Korn has in all of its songs began coming from the laptop. Becky wanted to know what I was tapping. I wasn't tapping, but my computer was tapping out. It died. Again.

The keyboard has been replaced twice, a battery once, my second USB port hasn't worked in 6 months, and a hard drive wipe was necessary when one of those automatic Microsoft Windows downloads paralyzed my beloved laptop. So, my computer was again down for the count.

With two hours before the VUFSA draft, time was of the essence. I raced to my local Best Buy and that Geek Squad thing they've got going on over there. I described my plight, and the tech said that it sounded like the hard drive was the problem. He turned it on, heard the clicking, and uttered the words, "Oh, that's not good."

Indeed it was not. Close to $300 later, they removed the old hard drive, and installed a new one, and sent me on my way. The money sucks, but frankly any amount is worth it. I have no possession more valuable to me than my computer. I can do without TV and radio but probably would shrivel up and die without my laptop. Although, if you combine the amount of money I spend repairing my computer and my car (speaking of which I have an oil change coming up next week - whoo wee!), I could probably afford a small island in the Caribbean.

I now have my computer back, but it's only kinda back. I lost everything on the hard drive and had to reinstall every program. The losing everything wasn't that big of a deal since I backed up my computer, conveniently, in May of 2005. Let this be a reminder to be a bit more studious about maintenance issues than yours truly who waiting a tad too long - as in 27 months too long - to do so.

The programs aren't that big of a deal since I have all of those - except I can't seem to find my anti-virus software so please no attachments for awhile. Windows defaulted to a green pasture for a background, and I haven't used Internet Explorer in years. The Internet connection now flips off every 10 minutes or so and I have to get up and manually unplug the modem and replug it in to get my computer and the Internet to chat. Additionally, I lost all my Internet bookmarks. If it wasn’t a simple address or one I had linked to here from Wolfden V, I won’t be visiting it again any time soon (should you have an address that would be meaningful or not linked directly on this page, please resend it over). Lastly, my computer no longer can tolerate a wireless mouse so I'm down to the touch pad - whose left click button doesn't work. If this were a human being, we'd be talking about being on life support with a feeding tube and a guardian angel propping up the head.

Basically I'm running on a paper clip and some thread over here. It's not like I just signed up for an on-line university or anything.

Photo from Techtickerblog

Prejudiced

2007-08-21T17:45:00.000-05:00

I had an interesting conversation the other day about prejudice and racial profiling. I have found it to be a difficult topic to converse about for fear that I would somehow say something that would result in a civil rights movement should it come out wrong.

For the area in which I tread is that of demographics which is open game. Advertising does it regularly. Kids' shows are littered with cereal commercials and play-doh. Football games feature beer commercials and trucks. My beloved Price Is Right runs non-stop Scooter Store and life insurance ads. While advertisers realize not everyone who is watching football drives trucks or that I as a healthy, two-legged, twenty-five year old needs a motorized vehicle (though it would be fun), they know that the groups of people who watch these particular shows are the ones most likely to need/want/be interested in these products. It's a stereotype, and I think it's safe to say no one has any issue with this.

But the topic of conversation concerned shoplifting at my store. My Walgreens is located directly adjacent to a seven story retirement home/assisted living complex. Without question, everyone wins. They keep us in business, and we provide them their daily reason to get out an exercise. That said, the primary demographic for my store is 150 years old and using some contraption (walker, cane, wheelchair) to get around.

Our area is also predominantly caucasian. This is not to say that all our customers are white, simply the majority of them are. However, the majority of shoplifters have been black. It doesn't mean that all black people steal from my store, or that white people do not, but rather the majority of the incidents have been with young, black males.

And so, the question that was posed, and that I now pose to the viewers of this board, is it wrong to keep an extra eye out if a suspicious, young, black male is walking the aisles?

I realize that trouble here is the word "suspicious" as if it implies all young, black males are suspicious. Indeed, this is not the case but I can tell you from experience that shoplifters tend to stand out like sore thumbs - shifty eyes, no contact with anyone, move quickly, talk too much when talked to, and show signs of being nervous. I can also speak from experience when I say the majority of people who shoplift and show these signs happen to be black. Would it then make me prejudiced and create racial disharmony for extra observation of a black man?

I was mixed on the issue myself. On the one hand, having heard the police pull over someone for "driving while black," I naturally repulse this negative connotation. On the other hand, if a black man punches me in the face nine times, is it wrong to duck on the tenth? I don't know. I simply found it an interesting topic, which hopefully creates some conversation here.

Photo from Wikimedia

Since when?

2007-08-18T09:36:00.000-05:00

Did you know that recent APA requirements for paper writing have banished the two spaces behind the period? Did you know that I cannot quickly break this habit of probably ten to fifteen years simply because some nerdy grammar guru decided that one space and not two was more to his liking? Do you have any idea how many sentence I am going to have to go back and change in this fifteen page paper because I automatically tap my space bar twice at the conclusion of each sentence?

To recap:

This MBA program has reaffirmed my hatred of animated emoticons and caused further distress by altering my decade old typing habits. That and I can tell you exactly why Global Communication makes wise business decisions despite communicating them poorly - they used two spaces after their sentences instead of one and then laid off employees using :(

:)

2007-08-15T11:00:00.001-05:00

A significant part of this University of Phoenix MBA program I have thus far experienced is an on going message board discussion. Usually we are given scenarios and the prof prompts the class to discuss certain aspects of the scenario with a set of discussion questions.

I find these conversations incredibly entertaining. I'm a dork, but I love a good class conversation, especially one in which I play devil's advocate (did somebody say being a Catholic in a Lutheran dominated Christ College class?). So, as has been my trademark, I take the unpopular side and poke holes in feeble arguments.

However, the majority have a weapon that not even I can combat. Everyone, it seems, is busting out this secret weapon in scarily high numbers, especially for a graduate level class. It is unnecessary, and it is terrifying.

It is the emoticon.

I hate the damn things. I don't even like ":)" But the animated little faces irritate me to no end. As if making a point that a company shouldn't lay off a group of people because it's corporate greed hits all the more home with a little yellow face wagging a finger at me. Needless to say, it's awful.

So, I was quite proud of myself for this little jab at the end of my most recent "Drew's being a pain in the ass by continuing to be the only one to argue this side" post.

"Granted we don't have enough information in the scenario but I feel compelled to defend Global Communication here as the class really seems to have written them off as the bad guy and the greedy corporate entity. Surely we all have enough real world experience to know that issues such as these are ever really black and white as far as good guys and bad guys go. I don't pretend to say that with the information we have Global Communication should get a smiley face emoticon, but I don't know that we should condemn them either.

-Drew"

Joe Blows continued

2007-08-10T06:06:00.000-05:00

And from last night's game, the cut and paste typical Borowski line:

J Borowski (S, 32) 1.0 IP, 1 ER, 1 HR

That's good for second in the AL in saves despite 4.93 ERA and 1.36 WHIP.